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Facebook Is Bad For My Relationship

"Facebook Is Getting in the Way of My Relationship!"

This question is from a Group Therapy post in our TrèsSugar Community. Add your advice in the comments!

So this is a topic that I'm sure soooo many people have comments on. My issue is that I CAN NOT STAND FACEBOOK!

I must admit when I was in college I was active on it. That has changed. My college boyfriend was outed when he left his facebook open on my computer and I saw msgs to and from the girls he was cheating on me with. That left me scared. 

My current boyfriend is a great guy. BUT last year, a few months into the relationship I caught him "cheating" on me via fb. He was finding random girls and discussing sexual things with them, as well as asking girls he knew about their boobs, etc. I confronted him with this and he apologized like crazy, said it was immature blah blah. He doesn't do anything like that anymore. So after that, he ghosted on FB for a while, only posting things every few months. Now, he is all of a sudden back into fb and of course that raises my suspicions because of what happened last year. Hes been posting things like crazy over the past few weeks, and his ex-gf is suddenly back on FB and "liking" things the minute he starts posting. 

I confronted him yesterday, asking why he was all of a sudden going fb crazy and he said he "really likes to post pictures to share with my friends and family". I understand that many many people use it, but all that's come of it for me has been heartache. Now he checks it all the time, when he first wakes up, multiple times throughout the day, etc. I understand that many people do this, but I DON'T WANT A MAN WHO DOES THIS. When we woke up on Sunday morning the first thing he did was check fb. I can not deal with this. 

Has anyone experienced anything similar?! Any advice (without calling me crazy or insecure, blah blah)

Have a dilemma of your own? Post it anonymously on Group Therapy for advice and check out what else is happening in the TrèsSugar Community.

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Join The Conversation
LaurenRBear LaurenRBear 3 years
 I am currently dating a guy who luckily for me doesn't have a Facebook. But I agree with @Silje , if its not on Facebook then it will be cheating via text, or email. If you're not comfortable with him communicating with his ex's or with random girls on fb that you don't know, that might be a realistic conversation to have: Honey you can have Facebook, but for my sanity please delete these people.       I hope it all works out!
Silje Silje 3 years
If you can't deal with this, you can't deal with this. Then your relationship is over. I wish you the best of luck in finding a nice, well-adjusted man that won't use any social networking sites for the rest of your joint life.    I don't think he should give up the contact he has with his friends and family, especially the long distance ones that can "only" be reached through Facebook or similar networking sites, for you. If you demand it of him, it's not the right relationship for either of you. I understand that you've been hurt in the past, but honestly, cheaters gonna cheat, and if it weren't in Facebook you found out, it would have been in e-mails or sms with your ex-boyfriend. And I hardly expect that you would only accept a partner without access to the internet or a cell phone.   If your boyfriend's habits are obsessive though, you could talk to him about it. Personally I'm never logged out of Facebook, I use it for communicating with my boyfriend in Sydney, Australia as I'm in Norway, and also my family and friends ranging from a few houses over to 1000 km away. 
henna-red henna-red 3 years
I am completely agreeing with BiWife about the boundaries. The thing with fb is that there is now a medium that makes it even easier to get vicarious thrills, and it's an addictive medium, just like porn. FB definately adds a new dimension to that whole developing boundaries skill, one that we don't all consider when we're in a relationship. I don't think you're at all insecure or crazy in your concern. Your boyfriends' behavior has taken a dramatic change, which is one symptom of cheating, and you all ready know that your boyfriend has a boundary issue with this medium. I think you have plenty of cause for concern, just because he's ignoring your feelings and your boundaries. Sounds to me like it's time for a serious talk about what's acceptable and what's not....but, honestly, I think you're going to find it's time to find a new relationship. best of luck
BiWife BiWife 3 years
this isn't about facebook. before there was facebook, guys still managed to flirt and cheat on their significant others (and girls were able to do the same). it's about setting boundaries as to what is or is not cheating (be it emotional or physical cheating), and you guys need to have agreed upon boundaries for what is and is not ok. would you prefer he stopped by certain stores because he knows a girl who works there vs liking a status or sending a message on fb? Of course not. It would still be hurtful to you that he is seeking sexual fulfillment (mental or otherwise) or a personal confidence boost about his virility/desirability from other women/girls.
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