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Feel Distant From High School Friends

Group Therapy: I Feel Disconnected From My Old Friends

This question is from a Group Therapy post in our TrèsSugar Community. Add your advice in the comments!

This Saturday I went to a party my friend was having. I felt so out of my element being there with them, because I haven't been around them in a very long time. I didn't feel any connection as friends with any of them. So I ended up sitting the whole time.

We are all in our early 20s so naturally drinks would be involved. They all were drinking and dancing, while I don't drink. Since we graduated high school, everyone went their own way, and new ways of thinking, and now I just don't know them at all. I love to dance, but when I'm around them something happens that I shut down the real me.

They know me as the quiet kind. But the truth is I'm not quiet at all, when I'm with my family I'm the loudest person ever. I make jokes, dance, make a fool of myself, but when I'm with my "friends" all of that goes away.

They have never been good friends, they used to try to make me rebel against my mom which of course they didn't accomplish that. Even though I have known them for years I don't trust them enough to be me around them, and they take advantage of that. Should I just stop hanging out with them, and just have a "hi how are you relationship," and find new friends that I trust completely?

Have a dilemma of your own? Post it anonymously to Group Therapy for advice, and check out what else is happening in the TrèsSugar Community.

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Join The Conversation
totygoliguez totygoliguez 4 years
This happens. When I left for college I stopped hanging out with my high school friends because every time I did, I realized that we didn't have anything in common and our get-together were somewhat uncomfortable. They have resurfaced on Facebook, but it doesn't go farther than a hi-how-are-you relationship. People change and move on, and that's completely acceptable. I don't think you should give it too much importance.
totygoliguez totygoliguez 4 years
This happens. When I left for college I stopped hanging out with my high school friends because every time I did, I realized that we didn't have anything in common and our get-togethers were somewhat uncomfortable. They have resurfaced on Facebook, but it doesn't go farther than a hi-how-are-you relationship. People change and move on, and that's completely acceptable. I don't think you should give it too much importance.
ChrissyLee ChrissyLee 4 years
There are so many people in the world, why would you waste your time being with those you can't be yourself around? I, too, am completely different than I was in high school and have felt pressure to act like my old self when being around high school friends. Instead of forcing these relationships to last I have chosen a few good friends who will allow me to be myself and then have all new friends who only know me as the person I've been the last few years. Any kind of relationship is only healthy when those involved are being honest and open. Don't feel pressure to remain in contact with these people, and go out there and get yourself some new friends!!
dreamalittledream dreamalittledream 4 years
If you never felt comfortable with these girls, then don't feel obligated to continue hanging out with them. If you were once very close, and grew apart during college, it might be worth it to try and re-connect. Ultimately, it's up to you, but don't stay friends with them just to have people to hang out with.
lemuse20 lemuse20 4 years
If you're not having fun with them and don't feel connected with them, and it's obvious you don't really have much in common with them, keep moving forward and make new friends. Stop looking back and wondering about it. Why keep those friendships and waste time nurturing them when there is nothing beneficial for you?
missmaryb missmaryb 4 years
You have moved on, they have moved on, and that's ok. Most high school friendships don't last forever. I kept 2 of my friends and the rest went their separate ways (though many have resurfaced on facebook). If you feel uncomfortable, you don't have to put any effort into maintaining these friendships. Go out and find some activities where you will meet new people with similar interests and try to cultivate some "adult" friendships.
Pistil Pistil 4 years
If they're not good friends, you're not obligated to keep them as such. There are very few people from high school that I still keep in touch with. This is what Facebook is for - touching base with people you don't actually want to see or speak to on a regular basis.
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