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Fellow Bridesmaid-to-Be Is Already Trying to Cut Events Short

This post comes from Group Therapy in our TrèsSugar Community. Feel free to add your advice in the comments!

One of my best childhood friends is getting married and has just asked five of us — all very close friends — to be her bridesmaids. We're all thrilled for her and we haven't properly celebrated her engagement yet as a group so I started planning a little event for the week we are all home for the holidays. Everything was going fine until I ran the idea by one of my fellow bridesmaids — the typically single and bitter one of the bunch — and she said "that's fine, but can we just do an early dinner and wrap it up quick? I have a flight the next morning and we are obviously going to be devoting lots of time to them in the next year." I'm of the "leave when you gotta leave" camp so I couldn't believe it! We haven't even started wedding planning and events and she's already trying to cut it short. She certainly owes the bride and groom one nice engagement toast and smile, right? How do I help her improve her bad attitude and tell her she sounds bitter without making things worse?

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Source: Flickr User lepiaf.geo

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bluerose462 bluerose462 6 years
OKay this sounds like your the " drama queen of the bunch". Chill out a bit Smile and breathe girl. If your friend had other plans let her go. She will be the one missing out. However sounds like your also very protective of your buddies so if your "bitter single girlfriend" steps out of line quietly talk to her. Dont stress the bride out with all the drama, Im sure she is going to have her hands full.
dikke-kus dikke-kus 6 years
You should just go with the flow on this stuff. I agree with most posts that this party is during a busy holiday and not everyone can make plans at the drop of a hat for an impromptu engagement party. If she has a tight schedule but is willing to try to make it then that's fine. Just say OK and let her deal with it, and she'll excuse herself as early as she needs. It's not really your problem.
Allytta Allytta 6 years
the only person bitter here is the OP. let your friends have their own lives and stop trying to control everything and everyone. weddings are far from the most important things in the world to bridesmaids and other guests. it's a big deal only to the bride and the groom and that's OK. and this isn't even anything official on a very short notice with your friend asking nicely to arrange it early because she has a flipping flight early morning. relax girl, take a breather and assess your own priorities, because they sound messed up
jazzytummy jazzytummy 6 years
Wow, OP, you are a fu*king saint! I wish I could be married too so that I could always be right and have everyone plan their lives around what I want! Guess I'll just have to stay single and bitter.
jauntycap jauntycap 6 years
I think you should be considerate of your friend who has to catch a flight the following morning. It seems to me that she wants to be able to enjoy the party and meet her obligations the following day. Make it an early dinner. You don't want to be that that fascist, control freak, bridesmaid that everyone ends up hating by the time the ceremony arrives. And yes chill on the "single and bitter" comments. s'bad luck. You're practically condemning yourself...quick say a prayer.
xgreenfairyx xgreenfairyx 6 years
Weddings are like going to the movies....you pay a lot of money and make a big fuss for about 90 minutes worth of entertainment. And that's not a promise that it will have been worth it in the first place. Way to get wrapped up over such a silly thing. Leave the your 'bitter' friend alone and let her do what she wants...seems like she's the only one with sense.
medenginer medenginer 6 years
I would have sent an email or phone call to the others to see what their schedule was like before making plans and would have done what was best for the majority. It sounded like it was an impromptu meeting. Not an important wedding event so every one's attendance isn't expected. I think she had other things going on but wanted to attend. Your not the bride so this why would this make you mad if someone had to cut out early.
JennyJK JennyJK 6 years
When I read this question I thought the poster described the bridesmaid as 'single and bitter' not because she wanted to leave the party early and make her flight, but in order to give us readers some background and insight on this bridesmaid's personality and past behavior so we can give her better advice? I think that's what she meant, I'm sure we all have experience with a girlfriend who tends to be a bit jealous/ bitter of others relationships. If not, more power to ya.
Jammi Jammi 6 years
I agree with the majority of posters. Maybe she should've just said 'I'll have to leave early because I have a flight to catch in the morning' but I don't think she's being 'single and bitter'. Especially since she is willing to go. Getting upset this early in the game is going to make things a lot worse, and gotta say, finding out from someone I think is my friend that since I have other obligations I'm coming off as 'single and bitter' because I don't have a man would piss me off to no end. That to me seems like a bigger problem then her wanting the dinned moved up.
mndmay mndmay 6 years
Let her be. Everyone has other plans and other things to do during the holidays; that is especially true if you are just planning this thing a week before Christmas. Get the "single and bitter" assumption in check, though. If this person had been engaged or married, I doubt this question would have been asked. Just because the said bridemaid is single and has other plans doesnt mean shes bitter about coupledom.
flyowsley flyowsley 6 years
Definitely, not "bitter and selfish." I know when I am home for the holidays, my parents want me around as much as possible. She is probably just obligated by her parents and family on her last night in town. It was not too much to ask to make it early.
nicklover nicklover 6 years
Something like that happened to my sister when she got married. She bitched about everything. When they went to pick out shoes one of the bridesmaids wanted gold colored shoes. Well she hates gold shoes so she had to make their life hard and get bronze colored shoes. There was no difference in color with the bronze and gold shoes. Just have dinner when you want, and if she has to leave early then it's her problem.
snarkypants snarkypants 6 years
get over it. it's not that big of a deal. it's not like she said she didn't want to go, period. mind your own business. it has nothing to do with you.
Deidre Deidre 6 years
a) If it's a "little event" as you originally stated, then be the bigger person here. Don't change the original plans you made, just let your friend know that it's understandable if she has to leave early to travel. It's really not that big a deal. Trust me, the bride will be so excited that you guys are able to get some people together for even an hour, that it won't bother her if someone leaves early. b) It's too early in this wedding for bridesmaids to be harping on each other (ideally, you won't be doing this at all!). And you will be a blessing to the bride if you all make the effort to keep any tension at bay -- if there is tension, don't involve the bride. c) I do agree with the commenters who said you need to back off the whole "single and bitter" thoughts about your friend. It's an easy assumption for you to make, but there are plenty of reasons why your friend may be stressed out. To sum up, I think you're making this bigger deal that it needs to be. Don't stress and just carry on with trying to do something nice for the happy couple -- which is very good of you, by the way.
Hello890 Hello890 6 years
Just look at it from a logical perspective; she just doesn't want to miss her flight in the morning....I wouldn't want to either. Also, as others have mentioned, the holidays ARE a stressful time and I can see people getting cranky because they feel like they're stretching themselves too thin. Give her a break this time. If her attitude doesn't change and puts a damper on the wedding planning throughout the next year, THEN say something, but not now.
lellybear lellybear 6 years
bitter and selfish? really? this single friend didn't say she wanted nothing to do with it. she asked if it could be set up at a different time. i see nothing wrong with that as 1. she made it clear she has a flight in the morning, 2. it is the holiday season and maybe being in town and spending time with her family is the priority, and 3. since it was just an "idea" o.p. ran by the friend and no concrete plans were made the o.p. needs to understand that there are 4 other women involved that might want a say in the planning of this event.
lilkimbo lilkimbo 6 years
I agree with the first several posters. Jayde, she didn't say she doesn't want to do the get-together, she just wants it to be early so she can attend. I think that's showing more interest than if she had not voiced when she could make it and then not shown up or had to leave after being there for only a few minutes.
skigurl skigurl 6 years
i dont' really agree with the other posters (except that the single and bitter comment was offside)....i do think this girl sounds a bit selfish and bitter, and i agree that if you want to throw a party, she can leave whenever she wants...but she is entitled to her opinions as well, and it's not your battle to fight...leave it alone, plan the party the way you want to plan it, and say to her what you said here: "i think we owe the bride and groom a nice toast and a smile, so i'll organize this, and if you have to take off early, that's okay, but they'd love to see you!" a wedding and a marriage are big things and they do deserve attention
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