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Fiance Ex Drama Advice

Group Therapy: Fiancé Is Taking Long-Distance Trip With Ex

This question is from a Group Therapy post in our TrèsSugar Community. Add your advice in the comments!

Just for some background: I've been with my fiancé for over 2 years and he's been faithful the entire time. He has a child with a woman who once was his high school sweetheart and they have a amicable relationship. Once in a while they'll talk on the phone and she'll ask him for advice. Not too long ago, she was suicidal and he was the one that "saved" her and prevented her suicide by trying to get her admitted to a suicide ward and letting her know that she wasn't alone. She sees him as the one who saved her life.

Now to my issue. My fiancé has a high school reunion coming up and it's a 12-hour drive away (he hates flying and loves road trips). I can't go because I've already requested enough time off of work due to the wedding and events related to the wedding. Last night he told me that he was talking to his ex-girlfriend/son's mom on the phone and they were getting up-to-date on each other's lives. He told me that, while they were talking, they got on the subject of my fiancé's best friend, who has cheated on his wife numerous times. She told my fiancé that she had almost hooked up with him in the bathroom at my fiancé's first wedding reception and would hook up with him while they were at their high-school reunion if he wanted to. Later in their conversation, she asked if she and her daughter could ride to the high-school reunion with my fiancé in order to save money.

I have an issue with this because she's already established that she has no issue messing with someone's relationship. She sees my fiancé as her savior and they have a background. I know we need to save money and it would be easier if my fiancé had someone to split the gas money with but I don't know if it's worth the worry. I'm curious to know other people's opinion on this. I trust that he won't do anything but I don't trust her not to try something.

Have a dilemma of your own? Post it anonymously to Group Therapy for advice, and check out what else is happening in the TrèsSugar Community.

Photos by Krista Mason Photography via Grey Likes Weddings

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lovebug4964 lovebug4964 5 years
NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO! ABSOULUTY NOT! NO! When I look at your perspective I would freak out! Many things can happen on a trip especially a long one with an ex who he had a sex life with! NO! I'm telling you, this will both crush your trust in the relationship. NO. Opportunity you should not take!
jazzytummy jazzytummy 5 years
I think whether or not she trusts her guy is not the point....the point is, in relationships there are boundaries. Even though you know that your guy wouldn't cheat on you, why should you even be put in the situation where you have to think about this trip and be uncomfortable about her? If the shoe was on the other foot, would your guy be ok with you going to the reunion with an ex-boyfriend? Especially one that has a dependence issue? I would not be ok with this. Their son is a legal adult now, he really has no business even communicating with this woman anymore, unless it relates to the son. Time for him to cut the cord, and this is a good opportunity for you to have that talk with him, BEFORE you are married. Good luck.
jazzytummy jazzytummy 5 years
I think whether or not she trusts her guy is not the point....the point is, in relationships there are boundaries. Even though you know that your guy wouldn't cheat on you, why should you even be put in the situation where you have to think about this trip and be uncomfortable about her? If the shoe was on the other foot, would your guy be ok with you going to the reunion with an ex-boyfriend? Especially one that has a dependence issue?I would not be ok with this. Their son is a legal adult now, he really has no business even communicating with this woman anymore, unless it relates to the son. Time for him to cut the cord, and this is a good opportunity for you to have that talk with him, BEFORE you are married.Good luck.
Helen-Danger Helen-Danger 5 years
Take the parents up on their offer of gas money then. That's an excellent compromise. Kurnia brought up a great point too. How does it look for this man who is about to be married to leave his wife-to-be at home and show up at the reunion with the very chick who was his sweetheart at that same school? Driving together and bringing her kid along too like a family unit? He's supposed to be proud of YOU and want to introduce you to all these friends of his. I bet this lady is well aware of how it would look. She's trouble, but I agree you'll just have to trust your dude to see it too.
Helen-Danger Helen-Danger 5 years
Take the parents up on their offer of gas money then. That's an excellent compromise. Kurnia brought up a great point too. How does it look for this man who is about to be married to leave his wife-to-be at home and show up at the reunion with the very chick who was his sweetheart at that same school? Driving together and bringing her kid along too like a family unit? He's supposed to be proud of YOU and want to introduce you to all these friends of his. I bet this lady is well aware of how it would look. She's trouble, but I agree you'll just have to trust your dude to see it too.
nbnb nbnb 5 years
just another thought...you trust him and she is probably going to be there anyway, does the actual driving together make that big a difference? are they going to pull off at a rest stop? while circumstances might alter the opportunity, he is either going to cheat or not, and you either trust him or you don't.
nbnb nbnb 5 years
just another thought...you trust him and she is probably going to be there anyway, does the actual driving together make that big a difference? are they going to pull off at a rest stop? while circumstances might alter the opportunity, he is either going to cheat or not, and you either trust him or you don't.
Sherrilee Sherrilee 5 years
I agree with Anonymous. If this man takes this road trip with his ex, he has no respect for you or your relationship. He's too close to his ex and she may be using suicide as a way to keep him close and break the two of you up. People use guilt feelings to do dirt sometimes. He needs to break this relationship off before you're married.
vinny3888s vinny3888s 5 years
I tried to do the same thing with a girlfriend and dhe didn't want me to go, but I did, and I cheated with my ex, and we split up, so it is inevitable, he will cheat especially if she wants it so very easy.
fmminis fmminis 5 years
This is an easy one...you actually hold all the cards...you have the ring on your finger...and will enjoy several torturous nights of sex...don't give into envy
missmaryb missmaryb 5 years
I think you should encourage him to go....but alone. I wouldn't want my husband/boyfriend/fiance going that far afield with an ex either. Like someone said, your relationship is worth the extra gas money.
nbnb nbnb 5 years
You definitely shouldn't tell him not to go at all. He should go and see old friends, 5 or 10 years is a long time to wait.It does seem like they don't need to be discussing who she would hook up with.While it seems like you trust him, if its not worth the worry then its not worth the worry, just pay the extra gas money and tell her no. That said, he shouldn't drive 12 hours straight, its not safe. Maybe you should tell him to suck it up and fly.
nbnb nbnb 5 years
You definitely shouldn't tell him not to go at all. He should go and see old friends, 5 or 10 years is a long time to wait. It does seem like they don't need to be discussing who she would hook up with. While it seems like you trust him, if its not worth the worry then its not worth the worry, just pay the extra gas money and tell her no. That said, he shouldn't drive 12 hours straight, its not safe. Maybe you should tell him to suck it up and fly.
Helen-Danger Helen-Danger 5 years
Why is she bringing her daughter to her class reunion? And who is watching your fiance's son while they're both gone? You? That wouldn't be fair.It sounds to me like your fiance is having a little trouble with boundaries here. He didn't have to engage in conversation with this woman about who she would or wouldn't bang given the chance. And she's obviously unstable considering her suicide threats. She seems to get under your guy's skin a little. I wouldn't trust her with him on a roadtrip either.Your man doesn't actually have to go to this particular reunion, considering that finances are a concern and you guys are so busy working on your wedding. That's as perfect an excuse for an absence as you can get.Besides, they have reunions every 10 years or so. He can attend the next one and you can go with him as his wife. If either he or she objects to that plan, I'd listen closely to their arguments. They could accidentally reveal a lot about what's actually going on, or not, between them.
Helen-Danger Helen-Danger 5 years
Why is she bringing her daughter to her class reunion? And who is watching your fiance's son while they're both gone? You? That wouldn't be fair. It sounds to me like your fiance is having a little trouble with boundaries here. He didn't have to engage in conversation with this woman about who she would or wouldn't bang given the chance. And she's obviously unstable considering her suicide threats. She seems to get under your guy's skin a little. I wouldn't trust her with him on a roadtrip either. Your man doesn't actually have to go to this particular reunion, considering that finances are a concern and you guys are so busy working on your wedding. That's as perfect an excuse for an absence as you can get. Besides, they have reunions every 10 years or so. He can attend the next one and you can go with him as his wife. If either he or she objects to that plan, I'd listen closely to their arguments. They could accidentally reveal a lot about what's actually going on, or not, between them.
pax4pax pax4pax 5 years
Sounds like you can't trust her. Tell him that your and his relationship is worth the gas money. Have him drive alone and find a connection there at the reunion that can help protect him from her.
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