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Flirting With Shy Guys

Group Therapy: Is He Shy or Not Interested?

This question comes from a Group Therapy post in our TrèsSugar Community. Add your advice in the comments!

I'm aware this might be a waste of my time and energy, but sometimes people seem worth it. I have a guy friend who I have some major feelings for. We haven't been friends a huge long time . . . we were online friends for a few years and over the last six or seven months have gotten closer, as I've moved within an hour or so of him and we can hang out now.

He's a sweetheart and we hit it off a lot of the time, but he's also really quiet and sort of lives in a bubble. As in, he goes to work, comes home, plays video games and maybe hangs out with a couple guys he's been friends with for ages. He's rather completely oblivious to girls and me included. I just don't get it. He doesn't look at girls (though he's not gay) . . . just sort of asexual.

I don't know what I can do to get his attention. I tried once to ask if he was interested and he had a bad reaction — he sort of ran away and then later told me he liked hanging out with me. Clearly he's not comfortable with me being direct about this stuff. I took it as him letting me know he wasn't interested but after speaking to some mutual friends, he didn't actually say anything to me.

I accept that he might not like me, but there's a chance, because of the way he is that he could and is afraid or not confident enough to react to me. Like I said, he's worth my energy just because I like him that much. Is there some tactic I can use to make him stop being so indifferent? Lol someone suggested blatent sexuality, but that'd be hard for me. I could probably start flirting with him again, which I stopped doing a while ago. Help???

Have a dilemma of your own? Post it, anonymously, to Group Therapy for advice, and check out what else is happening in the TrèsSugar Community.


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shreerose shreerose 5 years
Sorry, lovebug, he's definitely not interested. Don't waste your time, I'm sure that there are many guys out there who would give you the attention that you deserve. :)
KateAthens KateAthens 5 years
Try a different approach. Give him the cold shoulder. Tell him you will go hang out with some guys form work. Start ignoring him. Stop chatting with him. Try to make him jealous. If he have any feelings for you...you will get a reaction out of him sooner or later. Then you can ask him what he wants from you.
KateAthens KateAthens 5 years
Try a different approach. Give him the cold shoulder. Tell him you will go hang out with some guys form work. Start ignoring him. Stop chatting with him. Try to make him jealous. If he have any feelings for you...you will get a reaction out of him sooner or later. Then you can ask him what he wants from you.
Sundown321 Sundown321 5 years
I have a completely different opinion than everyone else so far... I work in IT with a lot of guys JUST like this. They want a girlfriend and usually have a girl in mind, but don't know how to approach the situation. EVEN when she makes moves! I don't think this is a flat out "nope, he doesn't like you" case. Perhaps talking about this face to face is a little too intense for him? Would you be willing to ask over the phone or online? It might be an easier approach! If this guy wasn't shy I would agree with everyone else, but considering that he is, it might be worth exploring!
Sundown321 Sundown321 5 years
I have a completely different opinion than everyone else so far...I work in IT with a lot of guys JUST like this. They want a girlfriend and usually have a girl in mind, but don't know how to approach the situation. EVEN when she makes moves! I don't think this is a flat out "nope, he doesn't like you" case. Perhaps talking about this face to face is a little too intense for him? Would you be willing to ask over the phone or online? It might be an easier approach! If this guy wasn't shy I would agree with everyone else, but considering that he is, it might be worth exploring!
KadBunny KadBunny 5 years
Agree with the other sugars. I don't care how shy he is; if he wanted you enough he would've manned up by now and just asked you out. Given the scenario he DOES have feelings for you but is too shy to ask you out, he would have responded positively to your advances, you know? Instead he ran.Who knows? Even with the slim chance that he's afraid of X, Y or Z, the ball's in his court now. I would leave it alone. Don't hold your breath though. :( Good luck.
KadBunny KadBunny 5 years
Agree with the other sugars. I don't care how shy he is; if he wanted you enough he would've manned up by now and just asked you out. Given the scenario he DOES have feelings for you but is too shy to ask you out, he would have responded positively to your advances, you know? Instead he ran. Who knows? Even with the slim chance that he's afraid of X, Y or Z, the ball's in his court now. I would leave it alone. Don't hold your breath though. :( Good luck.
lauraxtc lauraxtc 5 years
This happened to me way back in middle school. The guy seemed really shy, and I continued to pursue him. Eventually I got over it because he was "too shy" but not too shy to hook up with my friend. hmmm. lol. if a man is interested he will take a initiative.
lauraxtc lauraxtc 5 years
This happened to me way back in middle school. The guy seemed really shy, and I continued to pursue him. Eventually I got over it because he was "too shy" but not too shy to hook up with my friend. hmmm. lol.if a man is interested he will take a initiative.
Natalie-Love Natalie-Love 5 years
This reminds me of middle school. Why would you want to date someone who rather run away then discuss an issue with you? I'm just imagine his running away every time it's time for a big decision... I would say, leave the guy alone romantically. You've put yourself out there, he knows you like him, and if he likes you back it's now his turn to make that known to you, if he wants to peruse a relationship with you. If he doesn't, he's just not into you, I doubt he's that morbidly shy.
Natalie-Love Natalie-Love 5 years
This reminds me of middle school. Why would you want to date someone who rather run away then discuss an issue with you? I'm just imagine his running away every time it's time for a big decision...I would say, leave the guy alone romantically. You've put yourself out there, he knows you like him, and if he likes you back it's now his turn to make that known to you, if he wants to peruse a relationship with you.If he doesn't, he's just not into you, I doubt he's that morbidly shy.
kimmieb124 kimmieb124 5 years
If you want to preserve the friendship, you should keep hanging out with him. He may not be interested right now based on the fact that he hasn't seemed receptive to your advances. He may never be interested in you as more than a friend, but since you seem to value his friendship maybe you need to accept that friendship is enough. That said, I don't think mild flirting would hurt either way. Flirting is fun, and I've flirted with male friends before even though it didn't lead anywhere. If you want to flirt (mildly, not in a blantantly sexual way), go for it but be aware that all the flirting in the world may not change how this guy sees you.
medenginer medenginer 5 years
Any more tactics and you will scare him off for good. If he was that interested he would have already asked for a date after that amount of time no matter what his level of shyness is.
jazzytummy jazzytummy 5 years
"Why do we women so often assume that men are so afraid of things?" Answer: Because it is easier to accept that reason than the truth, which is that the guy we like doesn't want us. Agree with the other gals, OP. He is NOT INTERESTED.
jazzytummy jazzytummy 5 years
"Why do we women so often assume that men are so afraid of things?"Answer: Because it is easier to accept that reason than the truth, which is that the guy we like doesn't want us. Agree with the other gals, OP. He is NOT INTERESTED.
Helen-Danger Helen-Danger 5 years
Don't waste your time, hon. Show up in a black bra and heels and he'll run screaming. Which wouldn't be good for your self esteem! Whatever he is into--midgets, clowns, amazon black women, bondage guys with red hair, fat ladies who dress up as bunnies--you aren't it. (I assume.) Why do we women so often assume that men are so afraid of things? He's afraid to commit. He's afraid of his feelings. He's afraid to get hurt again. That all may be true, but if he really were interested, the fear would not stop him. Hell, I'm afraid of getting hurt but it didn't keep me from dating. And I'm sure it hasn't for you either. I've always done what I felt driven to do. So have you. And so have the men in your life. You've been rejected by ONE guy. And you still have the hots for him. Well I'm sorry. That's how it goes. Pick another one and see if it goes better next time.
Helen-Danger Helen-Danger 5 years
Don't waste your time, hon. Show up in a black bra and heels and he'll run screaming. Which wouldn't be good for your self esteem!Whatever he is into--midgets, clowns, amazon black women, bondage guys with red hair, fat ladies who dress up as bunnies--you aren't it. (I assume.)Why do we women so often assume that men are so afraid of things? He's afraid to commit. He's afraid of his feelings. He's afraid to get hurt again. That all may be true, but if he really were interested, the fear would not stop him.Hell, I'm afraid of getting hurt but it didn't keep me from dating. And I'm sure it hasn't for you either. I've always done what I felt driven to do. So have you. And so have the men in your life.You've been rejected by ONE guy. And you still have the hots for him. Well I'm sorry. That's how it goes. Pick another one and see if it goes better next time.
Pauladeanliveshere Pauladeanliveshere 5 years
Sorry- he isn't interested. He knows you are interested and that is more than enough to give him the gumption to make a move. Just remain friends but forget your romantic intentions.
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