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Group Therapy: Copycat Friend?

This question comes from a Group Therapy post in our TrèsSugar Community. Add your advice in the comments!

I'm wondering if anyone else has ever had this problem, beyond their teenage girl years — lately I feel as though a close friend is starting to copy my activities and hobbies. There's nothing wrong with shared activities (many people share hobbies, after all!) but I feel like the things that made me original she is now determined to also do — photography, blogging, cooking, marathoning, getting a tattoo to celebrate being 30 . . .

I feel like there soon won't be anything I do that she doesn't also do . . . and I know, it sounds ridiculous to feel like my identity is being threatened, I'm not a kid anymore. Any advice?

Have a dilemma of your own? Post it, anonymously, to Group Therapy for advice, and check out what else is happening in the TrèsSugar Community.

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HollyJRockNRoll HollyJRockNRoll 5 years
Oh man, I hope you read this- I would be upset and this has happened to me TWICE!!!! I am talking straight up single white female style. Listen, sometimes its plain flattery and insecurity as some people said, but it can be a sign of bigger mental issues. I'm dead serious. People like this lack their own identity and link on to stronger personalities, and while it can seem cute at first it can become scary. I had one girl actually go and get the exact same hairstyle I had (on the same day. I told her I was going to the salon to do such and such, and when I saw her the next day she had the same Freaking hair do). By the time we are 20, I think people should know that this is not good behavior and should have their own identity. I think you need to ditch this friend unless you want bigger problems- seriously.
postmodernsleaze postmodernsleaze 5 years
A lot of people have been through this. It's a little annoying, but there's nothing like an original so don't think anyone is going to "steal" your identity and you'll never get any credit. When you think about it, it's pretty awesome that someone wants to be like you.If it bothers you that much, maybe talk to her? Maybe she feels like she has to take an interest in your life activities because you don't take one in hers, so maybe you could try joining in on some of her hobbies.
postmodernsleaze postmodernsleaze 5 years
A lot of people have been through this. It's a little annoying, but there's nothing like an original so don't think anyone is going to "steal" your identity and you'll never get any credit. When you think about it, it's pretty awesome that someone wants to be like you. If it bothers you that much, maybe talk to her? Maybe she feels like she has to take an interest in your life activities because you don't take one in hers, so maybe you could try joining in on some of her hobbies.
missy1632 missy1632 5 years
Oooops I meant she has 'also DONE this before' not down this before. haha...
missy1632 missy1632 5 years
I have been through this... by my best friend. Since then I have stopped showing her my 'cool' stuff and have as a result of her copy-cat ways drifted apart a bit... she has also down this before... she used to copy her sister, or any new friend she gets, suddenly she is interested in everything they are interested in. It's rather bemusing, I think. I think it does come down to the copiers own insecurities, also. Yes, all the things I felt like she was copying me by doing or having- were all pretty superficial... and in a way it was flattering, it is also VERY frustrating. The worst is when they show up in or with something that quite obviously has you written all over it!! Then you can't ever get it, or you would be copying them! haha... grrr! LOL. Oh but the best was when she approached me just recently about a ‘new’ friend of hers that was copying her… oh I had to bite my tongue on that one, let me tell you!!
missy1632 missy1632 5 years
I have been through this... by my best friend. Since then I have stopped showing her my 'cool' stuff and have as a result of her copy-cat ways drifted apart a bit... she has also down this before... she used to copy her sister, or any new friend she gets, suddenly she is interested in everything they are interested in. It's rather bemusing, I think.I think it does come down to the copiers own insecurities, also. Yes, all the things I felt like she was copying me by doing or having- were all pretty superficial... and in a way it was flattering, it is also VERY frustrating. The worst is when they show up in or with something that quite obviously has you written all over it!! Then you can't ever get it, or you would be copying them! haha... grrr! LOL.Oh but the best was when she approached me just recently about a ‘new’ friend of hers that was copying her… oh I had to bite my tongue on that one, let me tell you!!
GlowingMoon GlowingMoon 5 years
I had a friend that did that. We grew apart for other reasons. Truthfully, I found it funny, and somewhat flattering. It didn't bother me.
GlowingMoon GlowingMoon 5 years
I had a friend that did that. We grew apart for other reasons.Truthfully, I found it funny, and somewhat flattering. It didn't bother me.
soulsearcher83 soulsearcher83 5 years
Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery. It doesn't sound like she is doing this on purpose, and it's true that your interests sound pretty common. Maybe the tattoo thing she got from you but beyond that, I don't see the big deal. However if it does bug you, limit your contact with her.
onlysourcherry onlysourcherry 5 years
this happens to me with friends all. the. time. I would just try to brush it off. I feel like they get tired of trying to be you after a year or two. Plus, she's probably dealing with some insecurities that will get resolved soon. It's totally annoying, but it just means that she looks up to you and you are a positive influence in her life.
onlysourcherry onlysourcherry 5 years
this happens to me with friends all. the. time. I would just try to brush it off. I feel like they get tired of trying to be you after a year or two. Plus, she's probably dealing with some insecurities that will get resolved soon.It's totally annoying, but it just means that she looks up to you and you are a positive influence in her life.
le-romantique le-romantique 5 years
Sounds annoying to me. Reminds me of high school where I had a friend that would do everything I did (such as change hair style, literally the next day, and magically be interested in everything I am from hardcore punk music to audio recording). I'd say confront her and ask her about her interests. Maybe try something she is interested in that you aren't. If she is seriously "copying" you and it's not just purely coincidental that she likes everything you like, maybe she's just an insecure person that needs a good friend. Find out more about her.
le-romantique le-romantique 5 years
Sounds annoying to me. Reminds me of high school where I had a friend that would do everything I did (such as change hair style, literally the next day, and magically be interested in everything I am from hardcore punk music to audio recording). I'd say confront her and ask her about her interests. Maybe try something she is interested in that you aren't. If she is seriously "copying" you and it's not just purely coincidental that she likes everything you like, maybe she's just an insecure person that needs a good friend. Find out more about her.
lilkimbo lilkimbo 5 years
Honestly, maybe there is more to this than you said, but the hobbies you listed are extremely common; perhaps she got the idea of getting the 30th birthday tattoo from you, but I wouldn't necessarily say she's emulating you. Is there something else that makes you think she's trying to be like you?
kurniakasih kurniakasih 5 years
That is ridiculous that you think that she'll steal your identity. She can't do so, she's not you! Assure yourself that, you are you. You have your own interests and etc. Yes, she may share some of yours or even want to try to 1) get closer to you 2) to try her own identity/trying to find out what she likes or dislikes. Believe it or not, your interests are shared with tons of people in this world :) In fact, I do some of the things you're interested in, but it doesn't mean it makes me or you less than our original selves. You need to address this differently. Does this friend 'bother' you or is she crossing your comfort zone/boundaries? Is she too 'pushy' /'eager' to be your friend to the point you're 'creeped out?' Perhaps she shouldn't be a 'close' friend of yours? Only let people you trust 'in your circle,' if you're not comfortable with her, you should step back and if she didn't get the gist, you probably will end up having to talk it out with her. Good luck.
kurniakasih kurniakasih 5 years
That is ridiculous that you think that she'll steal your identity. She can't do so, she's not you! Assure yourself that, you are you. You have your own interests and etc. Yes, she may share some of yours or even want to try to 1) get closer to you 2) to try her own identity/trying to find out what she likes or dislikes. Believe it or not, your interests are shared with tons of people in this world :) In fact, I do some of the things you're interested in, but it doesn't mean it makes me or you less than our original selves.You need to address this differently. Does this friend 'bother' you or is she crossing your comfort zone/boundaries? Is she too 'pushy' /'eager' to be your friend to the point you're 'creeped out?' Perhaps she shouldn't be a 'close' friend of yours? Only let people you trust 'in your circle,' if you're not comfortable with her, you should step back and if she didn't get the gist, you probably will end up having to talk it out with her. Good luck.
dikke-kus dikke-kus 5 years
Well, its all in how you take it. She might really be innocent and has low self confidence, so in order to get your friendship and attention so she gets interested in your hobbies. If you don't mind it then it won't be an issue but if you do mind it, it could be irritating. Or worse you don't trust her? Is there something you could do to make her play a larger role in your friendship? If it were me I would try to make her come up with the next idea for an outing. Tell her to call you soon and ask her to come up with the idea, the place etc. Also if you feel like her intentions are not good then stop going out with her as much. Don't cut her off or anything but slow down with the friendship. Encourage her to try other things if you think you really like her.
Edgar-Strietman Edgar-Strietman 5 years
I guess this is no problem. You're both adults, so solve your problem in a mature way: Talk to her!
sahieszhya sahieszhya 5 years
Maybe keep your interests and hobbies to yourself. Or quite possibly try and make her see how silly she is being. I have had the same situation with a few family members and when they do this, i usually end up saying something prepostrous like.. i like colour of poo, to see how they take it. and in some cases, they have been very taking to my silly ideas, and it really makes me laugh. Calms me down a heck of alot too. But if it just gets to you so much you cant take it anymore, be straight forward and say it. If she is a good friend she'll be very understanding. What it seems to me is that she wants to be close to you, be really good friends, and is trying to do it through similarity of tastes. Ask her what kind of hobbies she REALLY prefers after this talk. tc hun best of luck
sahieszhya sahieszhya 5 years
Maybe keep your interests and hobbies to yourself. Or quite possibly try and make her see how silly she is being. I have had the same situation with a few family members and when they do this, i usually end up saying something prepostrous like.. i like colour of poo, to see how they take it. and in some cases, they have been very taking to my silly ideas, and it really makes me laugh. Calms me down a heck of alot too. But if it just gets to you so much you cant take it anymore, be straight forward and say it. If she is a good friend she'll be very understanding. What it seems to me is that she wants to be close to you, be really good friends, and is trying to do it through similarity of tastes.Ask her what kind of hobbies she REALLY prefers after this talk.tc hun best of luck
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