One of the best and worst things about writing for a love and sex site is the constant need for sexy stock photos. If you happen to glimpse at our screens while we're choosing photos, you'd think we were really into awkward softcore porn. Most of the photos leave something to be desired on the hotness scale, but some are downright hilarious, perplexing, or disturbing. Regardless, they deserve to be shared; here are 25 of the weirdest sex photos we've found.
Oh, Just Your Typical Threesome in a Barn
They look overdressed for this setting. Also, should they be smoking in there?
You Can Never Have Too Many Sex Toys
However, you probably don't need to use them all at once.
Do Not Try This at Home
Even the thriftiest among us should not wash and reuse condoms.
This Guy Will Bang Anything That Moves, or Doesn't
I get it: dudes make stupid jokes like pretending to have sex with a mural. But why would I ever need a stock photo of that?
Keeping the Magic Alive
I'm glad that this couple is still intimate after all these years, but if they want to incorporate whipped cream into their lovemaking, I don't want to know about it.
I'm not sure what's going on here, and I don't think anyone else is sure either. Also, who has an orgy in the daytime?
More Like "Cock-y Machine," Am I Right?!
That joke might get me reported to HR, and the behavior featured in this photo definitely would.
This is what happens when you get your role-playing accessories from a high school drama prop department.
Threesomes With Scarves
Anytime there are multiple pastel scarves hanging above the bed, you know it's about to get nasty.
All I Need Is This Blowup Doll
Never mind that this guy is stranded in the desert without a shirt or shoes; he simply MUST get that blowup doll inflated!
Love Is Like an Open Book
On a roof, I guess?
Floral Slipper Love
He can keep his hat on as long as she can keep wearing her house shoes.
I Think You're Doing It Wrong
This is one of the most puzzling uses of furry handcuffs I've ever seen. Also, very unsafe in the case of a fire.
Because Easter Is Such a Sexy Holiday
Seriously, I'm not even religious and this disturbs me. The carrot is a subtle touch.
Like "Laying the Pipe," Only More Perilous
"Hey baby, let me lay you down on a makeshift log bridge." (In what appears to be an urban setting?)
Pan-Sexual (Get It?)
Are they fighting or about to make love?
This Strawberry Really Hits the Spot
There's just something about fruit that really turns a lady on, you know?
Do You Have the Key? I Thought You Had It!
Let's hope someone helps them out.
All Keyed Up
This seems like an awkward way to play an instrument.
We were color-coordinating his button-downs and one thing just led to another . . .
Not suitable for children.
Those actually go on . . . oh, never mind.
In the not-too-distant future.
How Do You Like THEM Cupcakes?
Boobs or cupcakes? Boobs AND cupcakes.
Sometimes You Just Gotta Do a Sexy Field Dance
In a skirt.