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Gift-Giving Guidelines For Relationships

"Am I Wrong to Refuse a Christmas Gift From My Boyfriend?"

This question is from a Group Therapy post in our TrèsSugar Community. Add your advice in the comments!

My boyfriend insists on buying me a Christmas gift. I don't want one, because I recently lost my job and can't afford to buy him a gift, so if he bought me one, I'd feel worse and not better. We are in the same field, so there's that element of competition, too. Plus, since I lost my job, he has been financially supporting me and I feel like that's enough. A gift is totally unnecessary. I told him I would rather him commit to doing something that would make me happy, like remember dates in his calendar or help me plan our social schedules.

Pride aside, at the crux of it, receiving a gift from him would not make me happy, yet he insists on giving me one because he wants to give me a gift. Isn't the point of Christmas to do or give something that you know will make the other person happy? In my opinion, he wants to buy me a gift to make himself happy for having given me something. So really, it would be more for him than for me. I realize that you could say the same thing about me — that I should just accept the gift because it'll make him happy. But as happy as it would make him, it would make me even more unhappy and uncomfortable. What do you think? Am I wrong about my gift-giving theory?

Have a dilemma of your own? Post it anonymously in Group Therapy for advice and check out what else is happening in the TrèsSugar Community.

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kurniakasih kurniakasih 3 years
You know OP, it could've been me who writes this. I feel exactly the same way about gifting during Christmas and my husband insists on blowing lots of money for my pressie. And it was super tough to deal with it, because we'd get into the argument you're presenting, and in the end he always ended up buying me something anyway, and blowing more money more so before I made any fuss..so yes. I understand where you're coming from. I do have to adjust though, because my husband has this need to go overboard with presents for me and our child because he remembered not having such good presents growing up so he overcompensated and wanted to see our faces lit up, etc. I understand him as well in re: of this issue. So, based on my experience, you guys have to work out a compromise. For example, I'd say that let him buy you a gift, but try to not exceed a certain amount of money (i.e. $40 or $100). And if you can't afford it just yet, instead of having to purchase him a gift, I'd agree with bluejay, surprise him with stuffs like cooking him his fave breakfast, arranging a sexy something in the bedroom, have a 'couple' day where you pamper each other at home (massages, sex, etc) etc etc. Or you can definitely invite him to volunteer during Christmas season with you to give back instead of spending so much on Christmas presents. I hope it'll work out for you. Good luck.
bluejay17 bluejay17 3 years
Well, how many times do we do stuff for other people without expecting something back? This is the same, only that it's Christmas. He wants to give you a gift, without expecting something back from you. I'd suggest for you to take his gift and enjoy it! Maybe it will end up making you happy and not uncomfortable at all. Also, a great gift can be given without spending money at all. Like cooking his favorite breakfast Christmas morning? Or maybe something in the bedroom? Think outside the box! Let him make you happy.
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