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Will Going on a Break Ruin My Relationship?

"Will a Break Ruin Our Relationship?"

This question is from a Group Therapy post in our TrèsSugar Community. Add your advice in the comments!

I've been with my boyfriend for six years now; we met at high school and stayed together throughout college even though we lived hours apart. I'm now 23 and we are finally moving to the same city, but not living together. The problem is, that for the past few months I've been having doubts. Firstly, I never planned to only be with one person my entire life — it just turned out that my first boyfriend was so great. Secondly, even though he's perfect and we've been through so much together I think we've lost the spark; I find it a chore to speak to him sometimes, sex is dull even when we try and "spice it up," and I find myself making excuses to see my friends instead of him.

I feel like maybe I need a break from him, but I'm scared that he is the best thing for me and I'll lose him forever. Any advice?

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testadura67 testadura67 4 years
You need to either work through your problems or decide not to. Asking for a break is pretty selfish, to be honest. You're asking the person to let you out of the rules of the relationship for a while, but kind of keep them on hold in case you decide that being single isn't what you'd hoped it would be. It's not fair. How would you feel if he asked the same of you? You need to sit down and talk to him about your concerns, and you two need to decide together if the relationship is worth continuing. If you're not ready for something this serious, then get out. Decide if sowing your oats is more important than continuing this relationship. If it is, that's perfectly ok. Just be honest with him. Don't string him along because you're scared.
steph1234 steph1234 4 years
a break generally ends up in a just sounds nicer..really. Anyway, it really depends on what you want deep down. Do you want to break loose and maybe date a few people while you're still so young? Or do you want to stay settled down? Because, honestly after you get married, these exact things happen from time to time...but it's up to the couple to discuss these issues and work past them. Relationships aren't fairytales, they are hard work and lots of honesty and communication. If he's so perfect then you should be able to talk to him openly about your feelings. But if you don't think he's the one for you then it wouldn't be fair for this perfect guy to get stuck with a girl who feels 'stuck' with him. Good luck!
BiWife BiWife 4 years
sexual and romantic feelings are bound to ebb and flow throughout a longterm relationship, but it sounds like you guys have been separated for a long time and this may be more serious. At this point, you guys have been apart for 2/3 of your relationship, during a time in your life when you are discovering who you really are and what you really want out of life. It is possible that you two have been moving in different directions for years now and are very different people with very different personalities, interests, and values. I think it behooves you to have a serious talk with your boyfriend about how he feels lately, relationship and personal goals, concerns, ideas, etc. I'm glad that you guys are not going to be living together right away, as that will provide highly necessary space to be alone and think things over. You may just need to reconnect with one another, which will be much easier now that you can do things in person on a regular basis.
bluejay17 bluejay17 4 years
First of all, you should talk about this with him. Find out if he is in the same place as you. Maybe he needs a break too... You should communicate this feelings to him, as soon as possible, if you are already thinking that you're bored, you'll continue to feel that way and it can lead to a worse situation like you cheating... Unless you talk about this with him and find out what he feels. And you say "I feel like maybe I need a break from him, but then I'm scared that he is the best thing for me and I'll lose him forever" well, that's the risk you take... But it's a risk that you need to take, to find out what you really feel. Good luck
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