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Good Idea or Bad Idea: Remaining Friends with your Ex's Family

Good Idea or Bad Idea: Remaining Friends with your Ex's Family

Breaking up is hard to do, we all know it is, but if you spend any significant amount of time with your partner, chances are you have grown attached to his family as well. But what happens if you want to remain close with your ex boyfriend's mom, or sister, or cousin? How would you feel if your ex kept his running lunch date with your dad? Although everyone's breakup and relationship is different, what I want to know is, do you think it is a good idea or a bad idea to carry on a relationship with an ex lover's family members?

— Additional reporting by Alexis Nordby

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LindseyCruz1388769215 LindseyCruz1388769215 2 years
It has it's awkward moments but it can be a blessing. I am still very close with my ex's family. He and I have two children together and we have been apart for 6 months already. However when he moved out his Aunt and two children continued living with me. For me it's great because she takes care of the baby when I go to work or if I want to go out, also I like the fact that my daughter did not feel such a strong change when he moved out as we are always around his side of the family. I get along really well with all of his family and spend a lot of time with them, not because I try to be all up in the mix but because they are always inviting me everywhere and we have a good time together. His Aunt and I have become very good friends as we are not too far off in age and I love her children. It's not psychotic it just works to everyone's advantage right now. My ex lives with another woman now so I do feel a little bad that she may feel weird about the whole situation but after talking with her I think she understand. Once the baby is older it will be easier for this situation to change because there will be more childcare options, but for now I am completely happy with it.
mandalynn1219 mandalynn1219 3 years
I dated a guy and his family hated his sons mother, I stood up for soemthing I found they disrespected me by and they pushed me out of his life and pulled the mother in. Now she gets invites to family things and they take her other child which isnt even his to things.. etc! I find it very disrespectful to me and the guy I refuse to be with that they act this way.. He didnt take up for me at first and now he wants to cause he sees they are wrong, sad part is, it is to close for comfort and I wont deal with people disrespecting me and my child at that when I would of never treated them like that. There are fine lines between things like this, if i bump into my x's family ill see how they are then, but I wont go out my way to visit!
Elmack Elmack 5 years
A really, really, really bad idea! My partners ex keeps in close contact with his family. This makes me feel like I don't want to be at family functions and be in the same room as her, so I stopped going so then he stopped going because he didn't want to go without me and now he's almost estranged from his own family...because his ex didn't know when to back off.
justagirlintheworld justagirlintheworld 5 years
Butterdreams, in answer to "Could leaving with my ex-bf mom and dad work out?", please watch the new movie 'She's Out of My League'. Living with them could end up making him feel horribly awkward and out of place in his own home. The ex of the main character lives with his parents and drags her new boyfriend around with his family. I think that is inconsiderate of her and his parents, as it would be of you and your ex's parents. Not cool. My boyfriend of a year and a half now lives on the opposite side of the country from his parents and ex-girlfriend. They dated for about nine months, but about four of those months were [very] long distance. She is just now starting to get over him, although she's been through two boyfriends since their break-up. She hangs out with his parents on a regular basis and it bugs me. It's hard enough trying to form a strong bond with your bf's family when they're on the other side of the country, but when their relationship with the ex is always going to be stronger and more comfortable, there's a feeling of failure. I want them to know that I'm the one, but she can't seem to let that happen. Supposedly she continues to hang out with them because she doesn't have a very stong relationship with her own parents. She has a new boyfriend right now. I wish she would form a bond with HIS family, rather that hold onto the one she isn't a part of anymore.#6, "people that stick around after they get dumped by their ex's are called psycho-stalkers. being one of these is not a good idea for anyone. grow up and move on - there's more to life than being stuck in the past." That's what I think sometimes, but I tried to talk to her so that we can at least get along and not feel awkward with eachother and instead of speaking to me, she asked my boyfriend to ask me to not talk to her. I just wanted to get along and understand where she's coming from.
justagirlintheworld justagirlintheworld 5 years
Butterdreams, in answer to "Could leaving with my ex-bf mom and dad work out?", please watch the new movie 'She's Out of My League'. Living with them could end up making him feel horribly awkward and out of place in his own home. The ex of the main character lives with his parents and drags her new boyfriend around with his family. I think that is inconsiderate of her and his parents, as it would be of you and your ex's parents. Not cool. My boyfriend of a year and a half now lives on the opposite side of the country from his parents and ex-girlfriend. They dated for about nine months, but about four of those months were [very] long distance. She is just now starting to get over him, although she's been through two boyfriends since their break-up. She hangs out with his parents on a regular basis and it bugs me. It's hard enough trying to form a strong bond with your bf's family when they're on the other side of the country, but when their relationship with the ex is always going to be stronger and more comfortable, there's a feeling of failure. I want them to know that I'm the one, but she can't seem to let that happen. Supposedly she continues to hang out with them because she doesn't have a very stong relationship with her own parents. She has a new boyfriend right now. I wish she would form a bond with HIS family, rather that hold onto the one she isn't a part of anymore. #6, "people that stick around after they get dumped by their ex's are called psycho-stalkers. being one of these is not a good idea for anyone. grow up and move on - there's more to life than being stuck in the past." That's what I think sometimes, but I tried to talk to her so that we can at least get along and not feel awkward with eachother and instead of speaking to me, she asked my boyfriend to ask me to not talk to her. I just wanted to get along and understand where she's coming from.
melda melda 8 years
i think it depends but also its bad idea even stupid
SexyNeverLeft78 SexyNeverLeft78 9 years
It's both IMO. It is too close for comfort but the ex really should have anything to do if you remain friends with his family. Sometimes you develop close relationships that shouldn't end just because your relationship did. The only thing is not everyone is cool with that, so remember that when the next one comes around.
halakahiki82 halakahiki82 9 years
such a bad idea.my hs bf and i were together 4 years, and i kept moderately in touch with him mom -- after he followed me out to the east coast from the midwest. she got really really sick, and he never went back to visit, really. so i'd visit when i'd see my family over the holidays, but in the end, it was too much to deal with and i didn't feel like putting myself in the middle.i did feel a bit guilty for a while, but that passed. it wasn't my problem. and, it's been so long now that if i were to drop by or whatever, it would be entirely too awkward.so.not.worth.it.
halakahiki82 halakahiki82 9 years
such a bad idea. my hs bf and i were together 4 years, and i kept moderately in touch with him mom -- after he followed me out to the east coast from the midwest. she got really really sick, and he never went back to visit, really. so i'd visit when i'd see my family over the holidays, but in the end, it was too much to deal with and i didn't feel like putting myself in the middle. i did feel a bit guilty for a while, but that passed. it wasn't my problem. and, it's been so long now that if i were to drop by or whatever, it would be entirely too awkward. so.not.worth.it.
moosie moosie 9 years
i think it's fine to stay friendly with them, but when you go out of your way to hang out with them is just a big no no.
Cher412 Cher412 9 years
Sadly, there was always a communication gap between my exes parents and I ... so we never really did communicate much past, "Hi. How are you?" But then again, my exes really weren't worth the trouble of getting to know their families. haha
rlveronica rlveronica 9 years
I guess it depends on the relationship. I've stayed friends with some of my exes & their families and it's worked out just fine. :)
ninjastarlett ninjastarlett 9 years
Depends... but in general, bad because it's probably not going to work.
CatarinaBella521 CatarinaBella521 9 years
In my situation it was better to just cut all ties...if we pass on the street we have a nice conversation, but we don't make plans to go out for lunch or whatever, we've all moved on
Pinkgirl88 Pinkgirl88 9 years
it depends... peoples feelings must be taken into consideration
kins kins 9 years
sigh...sometimes i think i miss my ex's family more than i miss him
popgoestheworld popgoestheworld 9 years
Like many others, I think it depends on how long you were together and how bad the break up was. And no, not everyone who remains friends with their ex's family is a psycho stalker. People who are adults in long term relationships often get close with other family members. To me, it's a sign of graciousness and maturity that Jen Aniston and Brad's mom still get together. They clearly formed a bond and it's wonderful that they still cherish it.
popgoestheworld popgoestheworld 9 years
Like many others, I think it depends on how long you were together and how bad the break up was. And no, not everyone who remains friends with their ex's family is a psycho stalker. People who are adults in long term relationships often get close with other family members. To me, it's a sign of graciousness and maturity that Jen Aniston and Brad's mom still get together. They clearly formed a bond and it's wonderful that they still cherish it.
loveli1 loveli1 9 years
Think about How Angelina probably feels about Jennifer Anniston hanging out with the pitts lol. If the guy finds a new girlfriend its hard for the family to accept her because they are so used to you
viridiana viridiana 9 years
It's a bad idea. I dated a guy for 8 years, and became really close to his whole family, but specially his sister who, by the time I met her, was just 13 years. We broke up almost two years ago, and he got married to another girl and left to live abroad. This summer his sister is getting married and she asked me to go to her wedding. Obviously I politely refused to go, because its a family moment, and I wont feel O.K. at the ceremony with my ex and his wife. I have been in touch with the family by phone, and I 'm still e - mailing with his sister, but haven't been that close. At the beginning it just hurt my feelings to speak to someone who is naturally attached to some one that used to be very important to me, and now that I have a new relationship with a great guy it's time for me to make closures and build a new life also with my family's boyfriend. I will always care for my ex boyfriend family but it would never feel the same.
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