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Graceful Way to Break Up With Someone

Group Therapy: What Is the Most Graceful Way to Break Up?

This question is from a Group Therapy post in our TrèsSugar Community. Add your advice in the comments!

I've been seeing a guy I met online for about two months. We both have jobs that require a good bit of travel to different states so we've only had about four real, lengthy dates but he's the type to call me every other day or send a long email.

While I've been seeing him I've also been seeing other guys, but I really get the feeling I am the only one he's been seeing from many of the things he's said.

I truly think he's a lovely person, but feel absolutely no spark! He has gone away again and phoning would be long distance. He won't be back for about two weeks and as things are escalating with another guy I'm seeing I really need to break it to him. I need the help from my fellow sugars to figure out the classiest way to break it to him. I would like to remain friends and end this with grace.

Would it be absolutely tacky and impersonal to break things off over email? Over the course of the past two months we've actually used it as our main way of communicating and I feel I could well articulate my feelings. On the other hand, the trip he is on is a family vacation and I fear my email would ruin an otherwise great trip. Would it be better to wait to see him in person? He seems to have something big planned for a few days after he returns. I'd hate to ruin a nice date he'd planned with my bad tidings.

How would you break it off with him?

Have a dilemma of your own? Post it anonymously to Group Therapy for advice, and check out what else is happening in the TrèsSugar Community.

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ChrissyLee ChrissyLee 4 years
I think a phone call is appropriate as well. You don't want to wait for him to come home and take you out on a big date before you end it. Send him an email and ask him to call you when he has some time to talk and then just tell him the truth. You want to be friends but there is someone else you want to explore things with and you don't want to string him along. You may never be friends, so you can't count on that, but just tell him you would like to be and then allow him the time to move on before reaching out to him again.
onlysourcherry onlysourcherry 4 years
for how long you two have been dating, i think a phonecall is ideal, followed by email. I had a guy I was seeing for three months break up with me in person, where he asked me out on a friday, took me to dinner, kinda acted like a jerk the whole way through dinner, and then broke up with me right before the check came. Not only was it super awkward (I called a cab to get home and he was in his car next to the cab in traffic... god), but my Friday night was ruined! phone phone phone. Weeknight if possible.
onlysourcherry onlysourcherry 4 years
for how long you two have been dating, i think a phonecall is ideal, followed by email. I had a guy I was seeing for three months break up with me in person, where he asked me out on a friday, took me to dinner, kinda acted like a jerk the whole way through dinner, and then broke up with me right before the check came. Not only was it super awkward (I called a cab to get home and he was in his car next to the cab in traffic... god), but my Friday night was ruined! phone phone phone. Weeknight if possible.
dahliadreamer dahliadreamer 4 years
Agreed with the above. You need to do it ASAP, and I'd suggest doing it when he comes back, and before the date that he's set up for you two. Let him know you need to talk, and do it in person. As Hiding said; there's not gentle way of doing this. The way I see it, the best way to do it would be the most respectful way. If a guy broke up with you, what would you prefer? An email, or a straightforward, truthful confrontation? My last ex I broke up with to be with the guy I'm with now, I told him straight out. We were supposed to meet after he got off work, so I met him and we went for a walk. I said that there was a few things going for me now, and that I loved him very much, but not like I did before. It was unconditional love that I was feeling, and that I knew there was so much more he was capable of doing with his life that he could do with or without me. I told him that I had mixed feelings, and that I needed time to sort myself out. After that talk, I came back a week later and told him that I'd made my decision. We broke up, and I knew I'd broken his heart. Butu he stayed friends with me, and although we've lost contact, I know he's doing well. If he really loves you, he'll understand. Men can take a lot more pain than they let us think they can take. They just let everything out when no one is looking so they have more room.
dahliadreamer dahliadreamer 4 years
Agreed with the above. You need to do it ASAP, and I'd suggest doing it when he comes back, and before the date that he's set up for you two. Let him know you need to talk, and do it in person. As Hiding said; there's not gentle way of doing this. The way I see it, the best way to do it would be the most respectful way. If a guy broke up with you, what would you prefer? An email, or a straightforward, truthful confrontation? My last ex I broke up with to be with the guy I'm with now, I told him straight out. We were supposed to meet after he got off work, so I met him and we went for a walk. I said that there was a few things going for me now, and that I loved him very much, but not like I did before. It was unconditional love that I was feeling, and that I knew there was so much more he was capable of doing with his life that he could do with or without me. I told him that I had mixed feelings, and that I needed time to sort myself out. After that talk, I came back a week later and told him that I'd made my decision. We broke up, and I knew I'd broken his heart. Butu he stayed friends with me, and although we've lost contact, I know he's doing well. If he really loves you, he'll understand. Men can take a lot more pain than they let us think they can take. They just let everything out when no one is looking so they have more room.
Bettye-Wayne Bettye-Wayne 4 years
The most graceful way to do it is as soon as possible. Don't wait til you two are on a big date to do it though, how awkward. If you think email is the best way, do it that way. You two aren't official, and getting out on vaca with his family might really help him get his mind off you.
Hiding55 Hiding55 4 years
There is no graceful way to break up with someone and there is no good time to do it. You just have to do it. Stop stringing him along.
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