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Group Therapy: My Boyfriend Wants to Go on Vacation Without

"My Boyfriend Wants to Go on Vacation Without Me"

This question is from a Group Therapy post in our community. Add your advice in the comments!

My boyfriend's friend asked him to go on a deep-sea fishing trip near Key West. Apparently, his friend makes really good money and offered to pay for my boyfriend and a few other of their friends for the trip. I don't see anything wrong with me going along if I pay for myself. I can take a vacation with my boyfriend, and he can still get his quality fishing time with the boys while I'm off shopping or doing something girly for myself.

I've never liked the idea of separate vacations. I just can't help but feel offended, as I would never go away somewhere unless I could bring my boyfriend. However, I'm in a bind, because I don't want to ask him not to go. I just wish I could come along! I am also worried that maybe he would cheat. I can't help it. I trust him, but I don't trust his friends, and Key West is a big party place. I would feel this way regardless of who I was with; this is just the way I am and I can't help but think about it.

What does everyone think of separate vacations within a couple? Could his intentions be harmless?

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GlitzyGlam GlitzyGlam 5 years
I'm having the same issue now. My boyfriend is going on a vacation this weekend to a place that I wanted to take him to. I'm hurt by it, the only reason we didn't go was because I couldn't affford the entire trip (I was secretly saving, I never told him). His friend invited him, but my boyfriend planned it. I do not trust the buddies he's going with so it has stirred up some negative energy in the home but I'll live. I'd love to go and money issues weren't the problem. I am planning a vacation with my single gal pals in the near future!
jenjen82 jenjen82 5 years
You are clingy. I am in a relationship of 5 years and honestly would not be jealous or even slightly concerned about my boyfriend going to Key West. I trust him. You say you do, but stop kidding yourself you really don't and not all people think that your jealousy is considered normal or acceptable. I've gone to Vegas twice with girlfriends and my boyfriend didn't blink an eye because healthy relationships deserve space and freedom to do those kind of things. While he's gone take a trip with some girlfriends (if you have any) and have fun yourself!
jenjen82 jenjen82 5 years
You are clingy. I am in a relationship of 5 years and honestly would not be jealous or even slightly concerned about my boyfriend going to Key West. I trust him. You say you do, but stop kidding yourself you really don't and not all people think that your jealousy is considered normal or acceptable. I've gone to Vegas twice with girlfriends and my boyfriend didn't blink an eye because healthy relationships deserve space and freedom to do those kind of things.While he's gone take a trip with some girlfriends (if you have any) and have fun yourself!
notinthemood notinthemood 6 years
If he's hiding something from you, that's bad. But I think going on vacation alone is fine, provided that neither party is being a shade-ball.
russianchinadoll russianchinadoll 7 years
The problem with some of these comments is that they don't help you understand your discomfort. The reality of the situation is that any mistrust you feel is entirely on you if he's never given you a reason to not trust him. But perhaps your discomfort is not actually mistrust, but simple rejection. If you've never vacationed without him and this is a first, it'll feel kind of like rejection because you're not invited. But it's okay that you're not invited. Sometimes people just need some time with their friends. My boyfriend having opportunities to bond with his guys makes him a better boyfriend to me. He gets this "guy" time that so many men say they need. Women might not understand this need but it doesn't mean you can't recognize that he needs it and not only support it but encourage it. I guarantee that him and all his friends will think you're the greatest. If he's truly a good guy, he will not betray this wonderful gift of trust and support that you offer. If he's a jackass, true colors will show. And thank god that you find out now rather than find out 4 years down the road married with a kid. It's all about balance. If he has proper bonding time with his male friends, he'll come back to you refreshed, having missed you, and treating you like a queen. Again, IF he's truly a good guy. And same for you. If you spend adequate time bonding with your friends, I'm sure you come back to him excited and passionate. Let him miss you a little. It goes a long way. And he will miss you if you let him go without resentment.
fabulous13 fabulous13 7 years
I am in the same position, except it's more complicated. My boyfriend and I have been together for 4 years. He was in Iraq for a year and a half and returned home in August. I waited faithfully for him. Since he's been back, he is very different from when he left, and we are having some problems with that. His buddies and him decided to go on a trip for spring break in March and he did some things that I am not proud of. When he got back from the trip, a girl that they met kept on calling him and he was lieing about it. I found out and we have worked through the issue, however, my trust is gone. I can't believe that he lied and kept things from me. And now, his friends want him to go with them on a trip for spring break again. I don't know what to do? I mean, I want him to go and hang out with his friends, because I believe that couples need separation, but then again, I know what happened on that trip. I don't trust him anymore and he hasn't earned it back yet. He hurt me very much and I still need time to heal. What do you think I should do? Should I tell him not to go?
fabulous13 fabulous13 7 years
I am in the same position, except it's more complicated. My boyfriend and I have been together for 4 years. He was in Iraq for a year and a half and returned home in August. I waited faithfully for him. Since he's been back, he is very different from when he left, and we are having some problems with that. His buddies and him decided to go on a trip for spring break in March and he did some things that I am not proud of. When he got back from the trip, a girl that they met kept on calling him and he was lieing about it. I found out and we have worked through the issue, however, my trust is gone. I can't believe that he lied and kept things from me. And now, his friends want him to go with them on a trip for spring break again. I don't know what to do? I mean, I want him to go and hang out with his friends, because I believe that couples need separation, but then again, I know what happened on that trip. I don't trust him anymore and he hasn't earned it back yet. He hurt me very much and I still need time to heal. What do you think I should do? Should I tell him not to go?
Genors Genors 8 years
Let the dude do his thing. If he's going to cheat, he probably has already. If you don't think he will now, then he probably won't within the next few days / weeks. If you think he will, then what the hell are you doing with the dude. I would question if my girl said she wanted to vacation without me, but my concern would be because of my own ego. Not because of the relationship.
Smartassfrom1983 Smartassfrom1983 8 years
oh and P.S key west is really small and not really a party city if that is comforting at all lol. Plus, the population there is primarily gay people , especially guys...
Smartassfrom1983 Smartassfrom1983 8 years
OMG I Totally understand where you are coming from..I would be offended too....and put the situation in reverse, would he want to come with you if it was your friend taking you away? would he be jealous? all guys are untrustworthy lol...don't listen to anyone else's posting... you're not clingy...
Richjl413 Richjl413 8 years
As a guy myself, it's not an easy question to answer. I was just thinking that after the day is ended and the fishing poles are put away until tomorrow, it would be nice to come back to your hotel room and have your wonderful, lovely lady just waiting to make love to you. If my lady wanted to come, I'd say ok cause I love her. And if she wanted to spend the days shopping or sitting by the pool while I fish, great, in this case she must understand (and would) that the fishing (this trip) is for guys only. Nothing wrong with that, and nothing wrong with bringing the love of your life along as well. I know I am a hopeless romantic type of fellow, and I have been divorced twice, but I still believe that somewhere "out-there" is the lady of my dreams who will know me as an old soul. Or perhaps I am deluding myself, still, the day with the guys and the nights with your lady love, does it get any better than that??
BrookeLowenstein BrookeLowenstein 8 years
I told my husband I would be fine if he would let me use one of his baby pictures for a Chloe Jade charm. www.chloejade.com His mother would not let me use any of his old pictures.
Jeny Jeny 8 years
Let him enjoy his time with his boys and stop being so clingy. Enjoy your time alone at home and relax!
tobie tobie 8 years
TOBIE:).hi, i'm married and heck no i would not let mine! but then i think well if he if does not want me to go maybe he just needs a little frind time or some space or girlfriend you need to know now if he is going to cheat on you or not this would be perfect timing. judt pay attention to how he acts around you now and when lies to you or someon else pay attention to how his look is so you will know if he is lieing to you! but a relationship always needs trust or sometimes you can scare them away girl or guy no matter who. trust me i know a little something something. just trust your heart and how you really feel about it and pray and ask god to show you if it is right or if he is cheating!!!!!!!1 k. chow girl!
Indigo4320 Indigo4320 8 years
Okay, I know I am clingy and emotionally dependent...but even I cannot imagine getting upset over something like this. If you cannot trust him to be away from you, then you shouldn't be with him. Just because you're in a relationship doesn't mean you are entitled to go on every vacation with him.
needsomestyle needsomestyle 8 years
Let him go on his trip with the guys and then trust that he won't do anything to jeapordize the relationship. I had a similar argurment with my boyfriend (who's in his mid-30s) when he told me he wanted to go on vacation with his friends during spring break to a beach. I mean, isn't that odd at his age? In the end, he was just talking and never went. Also, I think it's ok for couples to go on separate vacations, but I think you should also plan a vacation together. If you aren't and that's why you're jealous, then you should ask if you can plan something with him for later in the year :).
needsomestyle needsomestyle 8 years
Let him go on his trip with the guys and then trust that he won't do anything to jeapordize the relationship. I had a similar argurment with my boyfriend (who's in his mid-30s) when he told me he wanted to go on vacation with his friends during spring break to a beach. I mean, isn't that odd at his age? In the end, he was just talking and never went.Also, I think it's ok for couples to go on separate vacations, but I think you should also plan a vacation together. If you aren't and that's why you're jealous, then you should ask if you can plan something with him for later in the year :).
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