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Guy I'm Seeing Texts Me Too Much

Group Therapy: I Feel Smothered by Every Guy I Meet

This question is from a Group Therapy post in our TrèsSugar Community. Add your advice in the comments!

This guy that I met at a party messaged me on Facebook. I invited him to hang out with a few of my friends, we all had a great time, and now he's texting me. It's not like he's sending me 100 texts a day . . . he just says things like, "so how was work?" "Going to ____ tonight if you wanna stop by." "OK, text me later if you wanna hang out." "How was your day?" Small talk, etc.

Now here comes the problem: he's only texted me like 10 times ever, but I feel smothered. I'm sure this problem is all me — maybe I just don't like to text? Maybe I just don't know how to meet new people? I told him I had to go pick up a friend last night, and that I was really sick and tired but still making the drive. He texted me an hour later, "Hey, you doing okay?" and I didn't even respond.

It was really a nice, sweet text, but I read the text and thought, "Ugh . . . stop smothering me." In the past, this has happened with about 5 different guys too. They start texting me with small talk, and I think, "Ugh . . . stop inviting me places," etc., and I start ignoring them!

I don't know what my problem is. I'm really not looking for a boyfriend, so maybe I get freaked out by males showing me nice attention? Maybe I don't want them to think I'm interested like that, so I just naturally pull back? I'm really a kind person . . . someone help me before I sabotage another potential friendship!

Have a dilemma of your own? Post it anonymously to Group Therapy for advice, and check out what else is happening in the TrèsSugar Community.

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dikke-kus dikke-kus 5 years
If its annoying you then its plain and simple that you're not interested in them. If you really liked the guy you would be dragging out you phone no matter where you were and responding with excitement. Texting is a typical way for a guy to see if you're interested before he makes any other move to ask you out I suppose. Its annoying to me as well. becuase its not a sign of class or just having the guts to just call you and see if you're interested. But anyway I woudn't worry about it.
missmaryb missmaryb 5 years
When I was younger, I used to give way too many guys my # (pre texting days) just because I didn't want to be "mean" and I had no backbone. Thus they would call me, I would panic and handle it badly (sometimes ignoring, sometimes making up excuses, sometimes caving in and going out with them b/c they were so persistent). I so regret this now. I realize that I just wasn't interested in these guys, but didn't know enough to say "thanks but no thanks" when they asked for my #. I ended up hurting people's feelings and leading guys on at times. So my advice is to just take a deep breath and tell guys it was nice meeting them, but you are not looking to date at this time and be done with it.
laughableloves laughableloves 5 years
I agree with viz above, these guys aren't trying to be your friend. Somehow they think they are gonna win you over and this is a fun chase. Honestly, I could use some pointers so I could have this problem of being overly pursued! Take it as a compliment, but be assertive that you're not interested.
vizslalvr vizslalvr 5 years
These men are not interested in friendship. So do yourself a favor and make that clear from the get go when you give men your contact information. For example, "It's so great to meet a guy I connect with on a platonic level! I'd love to hang out as friends sometime, of course you can have my number."
Dragonflye Dragonflye 5 years
I was in a relationship where I answered a text 4-hours later with a phone call, telling him "Sorry, I didn't have my phone on me and I went out..." He made a comment like "Yeah, when you didn't answer after two hours, I figured it was something like that."I was INSTANTLY irritated with his comment and told him as much. it's just a matter of informing them "Look, I won't jump on every text you send me." Consider it a matter of managing someone's expectations!
Dragonflye Dragonflye 5 years
I was in a relationship where I answered a text 4-hours later with a phone call, telling him "Sorry, I didn't have my phone on me and I went out..." He made a comment like "Yeah, when you didn't answer after two hours, I figured it was something like that." I was INSTANTLY irritated with his comment and told him as much. it's just a matter of informing them "Look, I won't jump on every text you send me." Consider it a matter of managing someone's expectations!
TheBestRedDress TheBestRedDress 5 years
So stop giving out your information. Or tell them you're not big on communicating. This isn't a problem, you're just being dramatic.
aliciatx aliciatx 5 years
honestly I think it's just a different approach to texting. I'm exactly like you. I get anoyed at ppl (girls or guys) who use text as if it was an IM chat, I'd rather only text someone when I need to tell them something, have a question, inviting them to something, etc. But. I HATE it w/ ppl just text to chat like "how was your day, what are you up to, hows work, what did you do today" etc. especially when they do that everyday. Idk, like the first commenter said, I wouldnt assume they want to date you, maybe they are just more chatty than you are. I usually only chat over text back and forth with ppl that I REALLY like to talk to, but ppl that I just consider acquaintances, not so much.
SheIsSoFine SheIsSoFine 5 years
I agree with Rory1225. Here's the deal...you can't expect others to read your mind. You need to be more assertive without hurting anyone's feelings. That can be tough sometimes. It sounds like you're overwhelmed by all the attention. Honesty is the best approach. As long as you aren't giving him or anyone else mixed signals, you'll be fine.
SheIsSoFine SheIsSoFine 5 years
I agree with Rory1225. Here's the deal...you can't expect others to read your mind. You need to be more assertive without hurting anyone's feelings. That can be tough sometimes. It sounds like you're overwhelmed by all the attention. Honesty is the best approach. As long as you aren't giving him or anyone else mixed signals, you'll be fine.
Rory1225 Rory1225 5 years
I think it is probably for the reasons you said. You don't want to date these guys, and so you feel annoyed with their attention. Do you make it clear to them that you are not looking to date?If so, I wouldn't assume they are still trying to date you. I mean, you invite your female friends out places and chat with them and ask how they are if you know they have been ill.
Rory1225 Rory1225 5 years
I think it is probably for the reasons you said. You don't want to date these guys, and so you feel annoyed with their attention. Do you make it clear to them that you are not looking to date? If so, I wouldn't assume they are still trying to date you. I mean, you invite your female friends out places and chat with them and ask how they are if you know they have been ill.
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