I've been interested in this guy for a while now, and I just need some help putting everything together.
About 2 months ago we started hanging out when we had time between school, and after work--and soon enough I started to get more than friendly feelings towards him. We have great chemistry, a lot in common, and can just sit and talk for hours.
One night we went out for a drink, and then went to watch a movie at his place, and he ended up kissing me. The next couple of times we hung out nothing happened beside normal
conversation--So I asked him up front about it, and he told me that he's just been trying to hold back because he's been so busy with working and getting his master's degree that he was afraid we'd get close, and then make me feel abandoned when he got busy. He then added there had been many times he's wanted to just grab me and hold me and kiss me, but he'd tried to control himself. I told him that he shouldn't hold back, and that above all I could understand his schedule. That night we ended up kissing and cuddling but nothing more.
Since then, we've only gotten to hang out twice. And nothing much happened either of those times in the physical sense. We email each other almost everyday, and talk on the phone, but don't really see each other besides on the weekends. We have mutual friends, and they all know he isn't seeing anyone. You'd think that just him being busy would put my mind at ease--but I can't help but wonder if it's just an excuse to avoid me. But then I'll see him or talk to him and he'll compliment me, and give me all the attention in the world and apologize for being so busy.
Should I give this guy a break? Am I just being a silly over-analytical woman because I have more time to myself?? I don't even know if he has those kind of feelings for me. Please help--I feel like I'm walking in circles.
To hear DEARSUGAR's answer
Dear Wondering Wendy--
It sounds like this guy is into you - he says there are times when he wants to grab you and hold you and kiss you! That's awesome! I think it's sweet that he doesn't want to start something with you knowing he can't give you the time and attention he'd want to give. He's showing respect for you and your relationship, although I am sure his actions are making you incredibly frustrated.
Since you have special feelings for this guy, but you're not positive that he feels the same way, it's time for a little chat -- there is nothing worse than getting mixed signals. After knowing he is pressured with time, are you still willing to see where this relationship could go? If so, tell him that you're interested in getting to know him better and you can't ignore the attraction you have for him. Ask if he thinks there is a connection too, and if he wants to turn this relationship into more. Explain that you understand that he's busy with school and work, but that you are willing to give it a try if he is. If he does in fact have feelings for you, I'm sure the two of you can work something out. Good luck Wendy.