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Is this Guy Really Busy or Just Blowing Me Off?

Dear Sugar,

I've been interested in this guy for a while now, and I just need some help putting everything together.

About 2 months ago we started hanging out when we had time between school, and after work--and soon enough I started to get more than friendly feelings towards him. We have great chemistry, a lot in common, and can just sit and talk for hours.

One night we went out for a drink, and then went to watch a movie at his place, and he ended up kissing me. The next couple of times we hung out nothing happened beside normal
conversation--So I asked him up front about it, and he told me that he's just been trying to hold back because he's been so busy with working and getting his master's degree that he was afraid we'd get close, and then make me feel abandoned when he got busy. He then added there had been many times he's wanted to just grab me and hold me and kiss me, but he'd tried to control himself. I told him that he shouldn't hold back, and that above all I could understand his schedule. That night we ended up kissing and cuddling but nothing more.

Since then, we've only gotten to hang out twice. And nothing much happened either of those times in the physical sense. We email each other almost everyday, and talk on the phone, but don't really see each other besides on the weekends. We have mutual friends, and they all know he isn't seeing anyone. You'd think that just him being busy would put my mind at ease--but I can't help but wonder if it's just an excuse to avoid me. But then I'll see him or talk to him and he'll compliment me, and give me all the attention in the world and apologize for being so busy.

Should I give this guy a break? Am I just being a silly over-analytical woman because I have more time to myself?? I don't even know if he has those kind of feelings for me. Please help--I feel like I'm walking in circles.

--Wondering Wendy

To hear DEARSUGAR's answer

Dear Wondering Wendy--

It sounds like this guy is into you - he says there are times when he wants to grab you and hold you and kiss you! That's awesome! I think it's sweet that he doesn't want to start something with you knowing he can't give you the time and attention he'd want to give. He's showing respect for you and your relationship, although I am sure his actions are making you incredibly frustrated.

Since you have special feelings for this guy, but you're not positive that he feels the same way, it's time for a little chat -- there is nothing worse than getting mixed signals. After knowing he is pressured with time, are you still willing to see where this relationship could go? If so, tell him that you're interested in getting to know him better and you can't ignore the attraction you have for him. Ask if he thinks there is a connection too, and if he wants to turn this relationship into more. Explain that you understand that he's busy with school and work, but that you are willing to give it a try if he is. If he does in fact have feelings for you, I'm sure the two of you can work something out. Good luck Wendy.

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nessabum nessabum 9 years
i don't think he's blowing you off. you both have lives, and he sounds especially busy but he's still talking to you. distance makes the heart grow fonder. it can make you more mature. and think about it this way: if there's a possibility for a future with him, think about how much more he can provide you with if he keeps working hard now.
KrissyThePirate KrissyThePirate 9 years
Sounds like he has his priorities in check. I think he's into you--he wouldn't email or call if he hadn't thought about you. A master's degree is a lot of time and money, so I respect him for even pursueing that. Not that you should wait around for him, but he sounds nice enough. Especially if he wants to grab you and kiss you. :D
L7amiguita L7amiguita 9 years
I am going to go against everyone and say that I really DON'T think he is blowing you off. If he was, then we wouldn't keep in constant touch with you through emails, phone calls, etc. I'm in college right now, and TRUST me, during this time finals are stressing almost everyone out. Especially if he is working towards getting his Masters. My suggestion would be to have a casual talk with him and find out if he feels the same way about you. If he does, you need to remember that he has a lot on his plate right now so he probably won't be able to give you the time you need. But remember, don't revolve your life around him. He does seem like a nice guy though and I think you should definitely give it a try if he tells you that he likes you... :)
Mad_Muffin Mad_Muffin 9 years
I am sorry to say but i think he is clearly not into you. If he really liked you he would be all over you by now no matter how busy he is. It seems like you are always there when he needs you. So maybe you should go on with your own life instead of hanging in there and see what happens.
honey31 honey31 9 years
Read the book hes just not that into you its a good book!I am also telling you that he is not intrested in you.Mwn most of them that is have a hard time being honest becuase thay are worried to hurt youre feelings which sucks!
gangstaLOVER707 gangstaLOVER707 9 years
I think that if he really wanted to be with you he'd find the time to be around you more often... and if he is blowing you off then you need to find another guy who thinks you're worth spending time with. No matter what the situation, if someone's feeln' you then they wouldn't use "BUSY" as an excuse not to be around you... sounds like he's blowing you off..
andaman andaman 9 years
I think he is seeing someone. Honestly I do. Whether if it's a guy or a girl I don't know.
junebrug junebrug 9 years
I'm usually the first one to think he'd be blowing you off, but in this case, I don't think so. He warned you before you even went out on a single date that he had no time. If he said he had time, then met you, and then said he didn't -- that would be blowing you off. But just because he may not be blowing you off does not mean you're going to be a in a relationship with him -- he's already said he doesn't have time for one. YOu could wait for him, in which case it could be years, he may meet someone else, etc. YOu could sleep with him and be prepared to be ignored afterward, which is tough on the self esteem. It's okay to like him, but I wouldn't put all my eggs in one basket with this guy, he's made it clear what his limitations are. Ignore him at your peril.
summer-roberts summer-roberts 9 years
I agree with DEARSUGAR 100%. You should tell him how you feel about him. Perhaps you can schedule dates so you do not feel ignored and he will not feel guilty for being busy.
Natty Natty 9 years
if he wanted to spend time with you, he would. the busy thing is an excuse... i think he is confused. keep you options open; start dating other guys. nothing helps a guy decide he wants something more than knowing he can't have it.
PrissyLilBadAss PrissyLilBadAss 9 years
I think he's blowing you off. I just think if he was willing, he'd make time. It sounds like you have a lot of love to give, and he's just not ready for it. But that doesn't mean he won't be ready for you later. If you can, just be his FRIEND for now, and maybe things will work out later.
seva1001 seva1001 9 years
ha ha. nice laptop in the image. must be a collector's item :)
popgoestheworld popgoestheworld 9 years
I kinda feel like he's blowing you off a little. But no need to be impatient right now. Just relax and see where it goes. Trust me, I know how hard it is not to have answers when you want them, but you will know eventually.
cubadog cubadog 9 years
He already told you why he is trying to keep the relationship the way it is he knows right now he doesn't have the time that you deserve. I wouldn't say he is blowing you off since he has, I repeat, told you that he can't give you the time he thinks you deserve. Quit being so pushy otherwise he will start blowing you off!
andaman andaman 9 years
You said his friends know he is not seeing anyone but really? Do they really know?
andaman andaman 9 years
I am sorry but I think he is blowing you off
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