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Guy Sending Mixed Signals After Three Dates

Group Therapy: Guy Is Sending Mixed Signals After Three Dates

This question is from a Group Therapy post in our TrèsSugar Community. Add your advice in the comments!

A friend set me up with a guy, and we've now gone out on three dates. They've been pretty long dates, with a few long phone conversations in the mix. All along I haven't been quite sure how I feel about him, though I've had fun hanging out since he's a pretty outgoing guy, but also a deep thinker.

On the last date he said he wanted to be honest and that he wasn't sure if he was interested in me or just in being in a relationship. Honestly, I've felt the same way all along and told him so.  Even though I really appreciated his honesty it did sting just a little — which is ridiculous since I feel the same way. Oh, also: kissing has been a bit awkward because I'm a bit shy.  Anyways, the day after our last date he sent me a few slightly racy texts about how he wants to kiss me, etc, and it caught me a bit off guard since the previous day we had just talked about not being sure what we thought of each other — plus, I'm a bit awkward with that stuff, as I've mentioned, and I had told him I'm not good at relationships in general.

Anyways, I'm a bit cynical, and am not sure how to take it all. I also suddenly feel like now there's a bit of pressure, whereas before I was just going to see where it goes. Should you know after three dates if you want to keep going? And if I would decide to end it, how would I go about that since we live in different cities and I have some of his stuff? (Though I haven't really decided yet what I think . . . )

Please be honest, but kind.

Have a dilemma of your own? Post it anonymously to Group Therapy for advice, and check out what else is happening in the TrèsSugar Community.

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lezlo lezlo 4 years
I think that you really have to go with your gut feeling. If something makes you uncomfortable- don't do it. But if you are craving to hang out or find after not talking for a while that you want to- then maybe you should. Also, if hanging out one on one is a bit too tense for you ask the friend who set you up to set up a situation where everyone hangs out in a group. It might help to be in a more social situation and it will also helo you to get to know him in a different way. I don't think you should waste time dating someone you aren't into or makes you uncomfortable. And I doubt you are bad at relationships- you just haven't been in the right one yet.. Good luck. Go with your gut.
lezlo lezlo 4 years
I think that you really have to go with your gut feeling. If something makes you uncomfortable- don't do it. But if you are craving to hang out or find after not talking for a while that you want to- then maybe you should. Also, if hanging out one on one is a bit too tense for you ask the friend who set you up to set up a situation where everyone hangs out in a group. It might help to be in a more social situation and it will also helo you to get to know him in a different way. I don't think you should waste time dating someone you aren't into or makes you uncomfortable. And I doubt you are bad at relationships- you just haven't been in the right one yet.. Good luck. Go with your gut.
dahliadreamer dahliadreamer 4 years
Definitely agree with missmaryb; get to really know each other first, and as Joe said, three dates is WAY too early. Most great relationships start from friendship, and judging from your story, it almost looks like you guys would be better off as great friends. There's always a chance that there will be more later on in life, but three dates and a few phone calls aren't enough for you to know whether or not you're in love. It already seems like you're unsure, so be sure before you make any big decisions.
missmaryb missmaryb 4 years
I think the racy texts came because you had both just put it out there that you weren't sure if you really liked each other or the idea of having a relationship. I think he was testing it out, seeing how you would respond. But it obviously made you uncomfortable. How about just being friends for awhile? You could keep in touch and hang out when you're both in town, but there doesn't have to be any pressure to kiss, hold hands,etc. Really get to know each other as people first, see if you really like each other for who you are.
pax4pax pax4pax 4 years
Discuss with him what pace you want to take the relationship so that you two can agree on a path or agree to end it. Communication is a key, even if it is a hard one to turn -- it will pay off now or for later growth.
pax4pax pax4pax 4 years
Discuss with him what pace you want to take the relationship so that you two can agree on a path or agree to end it.Communication is a key, even if it is a hard one to turn -- it will pay off now or for later growth.
JoeTyndall JoeTyndall 4 years
Three dates is way too early. You need to find out a lot more about him. What personality weaknesses does he have that you do not know about? (For example, does he look at porn and does it bother you? Is he passive-aggressive? Is he the jealous type?) You need to find out about ALL of his personality weaknesses BEFORE you decide to become gf/bf. Take your time, and slow it down.
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