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Handle This: He Admits to Having a Crush on Another Girl

You and your boyfriend have always valued honesty above all else, so when he starts acting somewhat distant, you’re quick to inquire as to what’s going on. At first he shrugs and says it’s nothing, but after a few more weeks of the same behavior, you’re concerned.

When you ask him to confide in you, he reluctantly reveals that he has a crush on another girl. He didn’t want to tell you because he knew it would pass eventually, but he’s had her on his mind. How would you handle this?

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Kym2289037 Kym2289037 6 years
Srara... great point! I agree but to a point.... I still think that we are raised to think things like... he is supposed to look at noone but me... when that isnt realistic at all. Infact, i think that sets everyone up for failure. What a guy, ( or girl for that matter ) fantasizes about is no ones business but that persons. Everyone is going to fantasize, and get butterflies, when they are attracted to somone. Everyone is going to be attracted to someone other then their significant other. I really trully think it only becomes a problem, if someone acts on it. Falling in love cannot be controlled, but staying in love, and being committed is a choice, and work... beautiful work, but no-one owns anothers heart.
Kym2289037 Kym2289037 6 years
Srara... great point! I agree but to a point.... I still think that we are raised to think things like... he is supposed to look at noone but me... when that isnt realistic at all. Infact, i think that sets everyone up for failure. What a guy, ( or girl for that matter ) fantasizes about is no ones business but that persons. Everyone is going to fantasize, and get butterflies, when they are attracted to somone. Everyone is going to be attracted to someone other then their significant other. I really trully think it only becomes a problem, if someone acts on it. Falling in love cannot be controlled, but staying in love, and being committed is a choice, and work... beautiful work, but no-one owns anothers heart.
Kym2289037 Kym2289037 7 years
Ok, when i was younger i would have said, i would kick him to the curb, end of story. Now however, i dont know if it is that simple, or that cut and dry. I think it is totally normal to have crushes while in love with your significant other, it is whether or not we act on them that matters. I used to think that what ever guy I was with better only have eyes for me, if he didnt then he didnt love me enough. That isnt true though. The problem occurs when someone is looking outside of the relationship for something that is lacking within. You can be head over heels in love and commited, and have this happen. We all need to be a little more understanding, and a little less controlling. If he , or she is looking outside a loving relationship, it just means that there is a problem that is not being dealt with. Simple as that. We are all human, we all make mistakes, and we can recover. The only time I would RULE out a relationship with someone i love would be when it is abusive. That is never ok.
Kym2289037 Kym2289037 7 years
Ok, when i was younger i would have said, i would kick him to the curb, end of story. Now however, i dont know if it is that simple, or that cut and dry. I think it is totally normal to have crushes while in love with your significant other, it is whether or not we act on them that matters. I used to think that what ever guy I was with better only have eyes for me, if he didnt then he didnt love me enough. That isnt true though. The problem occurs when someone is looking outside of the relationship for something that is lacking within. You can be head over heels in love and commited, and have this happen. We all need to be a little more understanding, and a little less controlling. If he , or she is looking outside a loving relationship, it just means that there is a problem that is not being dealt with. Simple as that. We are all human, we all make mistakes, and we can recover. The only time I would RULE out a relationship with someone i love would be when it is abusive. That is never ok.
Autumns_Elegy Autumns_Elegy 7 years
I believe that if you're crushing on someone else theres something seriously wrong with your current relationship. And that you're a dickwad for thinking of someone else.In my eyes crushing leads to cheating so anytime it happens you should reassess your current relationship and if you want to keep it then put in the effort to make it work.
Autumns_Elegy Autumns_Elegy 7 years
I believe that if you're crushing on someone else theres something seriously wrong with your current relationship. And that you're a dickwad for thinking of someone else. In my eyes crushing leads to cheating so anytime it happens you should reassess your current relationship and if you want to keep it then put in the effort to make it work.
Frank-y-Ava Frank-y-Ava 7 years
Lickety split your story was funny as hell!!!! :rotfl:I don't know, I think it's infatuation and it'd would probably pass but if you're unhappy, then leave. No reason to be young and unhappy.
Frank-y-Ava Frank-y-Ava 7 years
Lickety split your story was funny as hell!!!! :rotfl: I don't know, I think it's infatuation and it'd would probably pass but if you're unhappy, then leave. No reason to be young and unhappy.
Marci Marci 7 years
I agree with geebers about lickety's story. LOVE the part of what you told when she asked how your spring break was! :D :D Then he turns out to be gay! Love it. Personally, I think once your boyfriend has crushes on other people, it's time to move on. Who needs a guy who's thinking about someone else?
Marci Marci 7 years
I agree with geebers about lickety's story. LOVE the part of what you told when she asked how your spring break was! :D :D Then he turns out to be gay! Love it. Personally, I think once your boyfriend has crushes on other people, it's time to move on. Who needs a guy who's thinking about someone else?
geebers geebers 7 years
lickety split - your story was awesome. I mean - it is like a freaking sitcom haha.It isnt the crush part that bothers me- it is his distance. That is a really bad sign and I would leave. I dont deal with distance and coldness well at ALL.
geebers geebers 7 years
lickety split - your story was awesome. I mean - it is like a freaking sitcom haha. It isnt the crush part that bothers me- it is his distance. That is a really bad sign and I would leave. I dont deal with distance and coldness well at ALL.
RockAndRepublic RockAndRepublic 7 years
Only an unfeeling, insensitive jacka$$ would even utter this to his girlfriend. WHat do you expect, a pat on the back?
Silverlining10 Silverlining10 7 years
If he has a passing attraction to another woman, that is understandable. But he's had another girl on his mind for weeks? And he's acting distance towards me? No, way! I would leave. If I'm not good enough that he can't keep his attention on me, then his interest is waning, and I take that as a bad sign.
sparklestar sparklestar 7 years
Ha! My ex boyfriend was in LIMERANCE (not love, limerance... he was addicted to the thought of her) with this girl who he swore he was over when we started dating. It crashed to a head about 3 months later though when she said she "sometimes thought about kissing him" and he went nuts. He swore to me again though that he loved me and blah blahblah.Anyway, I tolerated the paranoia and insecurity and jealously for another 13 months before we broke up. Sure enough he tried pursuing her because it turned out her long-term boyfriend had been semi-cheating on her behind her back through a BDSM website. Rofl.She rejected him. Again. She's rejected him numerous times and each time apologised to me for his behaviour. I finally met her (only talked on messenger before) after the break up and when I had gotten with somebody new (incidentally, his best friend who I'd fancied the whole time we were together...) and she was apologetic and scared of me. ;pI'm only not affected by it now because I know I could totally take her and I should thank her really for taking such a DOUCHEBAG out of my life. ;pOnly, he's still in my life. He's my boyfriend's best friend after all. He set us up though. It's cool.Ahh, therapy.
sparklestar sparklestar 7 years
Ha! My ex boyfriend was in LIMERANCE (not love, limerance... he was addicted to the thought of her) with this girl who he swore he was over when we started dating. It crashed to a head about 3 months later though when she said she "sometimes thought about kissing him" and he went nuts. He swore to me again though that he loved me and blah blahblah. Anyway, I tolerated the paranoia and insecurity and jealously for another 13 months before we broke up. Sure enough he tried pursuing her because it turned out her long-term boyfriend had been semi-cheating on her behind her back through a BDSM website. Rofl. She rejected him. Again. She's rejected him numerous times and each time apologised to me for his behaviour. I finally met her (only talked on messenger before) after the break up and when I had gotten with somebody new (incidentally, his best friend who I'd fancied the whole time we were together...) and she was apologetic and scared of me. ;p I'm only not affected by it now because I know I could totally take her and I should thank her really for taking such a DOUCHEBAG out of my life. ;p Only, he's still in my life. He's my boyfriend's best friend after all. He set us up though. It's cool. Ahh, therapy.
courtneyh courtneyh 7 years
Funny. that just happened to me. and I dropped him like a hot potato
courtneyh courtneyh 7 years
Funny. that just happened to me.and I dropped him like a hot potato
courtneyh courtneyh 7 years
Funny. that just happened to me. and I dropped him like a hot potato
windynini windynini 7 years
Yeah, I think I would also die inside. That's just too painful. I wouldn't wish that on anyone. And of course I would totally tell him off and never want to see him again.
g1amourpuss g1amourpuss 7 years
Uh, Goodbye! I'm still too young for that kind of sh!t. Got plenty of good years ahead of me.
foudini foudini 7 years
Some people don't have the courage to break-up when they want to so they consciously or sub-consciously find a way to force the issue. It sounds like this guy is looking for a way out and this is the only way his yellow-self could do it. People look at people all the time and some find others attractive. End of story. Developing a fixation that starts becoming more important than one's relationship is a serious red flag. Certainly the severity of the crush is important as is the proximity of the crush to the couple. Some couples are able to move past admitting crushes and have successful, more honest relationships. However, one must seriously question the motivation of even admitting a crush. What purpose would it serve? For most couples it creates discord. It seems the adage, "some things are better left unsaid" really applies here.
foudini foudini 7 years
Some people don't have the courage to break-up when they want to so they consciously or sub-consciously find a way to force the issue. It sounds like this guy is looking for a way out and this is the only way his yellow-self could do it. People look at people all the time and some find others attractive. End of story. Developing a fixation that starts becoming more important than one's relationship is a serious red flag. Certainly the severity of the crush is important as is the proximity of the crush to the couple. Some couples are able to move past admitting crushes and have successful, more honest relationships. However, one must seriously question the motivation of even admitting a crush. What purpose would it serve? For most couples it creates discord. It seems the adage, "some things are better left unsaid" really applies here.
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