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Handle This: Your Boyfriend Is Turning Into a Couch Potato

If you were put in a situation like this, how would you handle it?

Your live-in boyfriend had been holding onto his job for dear life for the past six months, but he unfortunately got laid off March 1. Thankfully you still have yours, but you don't make nearly enough money to hold down the fort for much longer. You're a little worried as the economy isn't getting any better, but you're confident that your boyfriend will do everything in his power to find something sooner rather than later.

His first week of unemployment was very productive, but he's since become increasingly lazy and negative. He's on the couch every night when you get home — beer in hand — and he hasn't worked out in days. While you know it's a tough market out there, this is very out of character for your boyfriend — he's a go-getter, not a couch potato! To make matters worse, whenever you try to talk to him about how he's feeling or offer advice or support, he snaps at you. It's a tough situation, so tell me, how would you handle it?

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anonymoushippopotamus anonymoushippopotamus 4 years
i'm in this situation as well. it's discouraging. luckily, my boyfriend has agreed to take a job at lowe's while a new career comes along, but it's not looking promising. i'm a graduate student in science and his previous career was in science. i will more than likely be in his position after i finish my ph.d. he's been unemployed for about three months now, has had a few promising interviews only to find out that he's over-qualified. it's a hard market out there.
sparklestar sparklestar 6 years
I have been through this and I ended up breaking up with the guy. He just didn't want to help himself and it drove me insane because he'd happily keep spending all of my money!! My boyfriend now thought he might lose his job in March 1st as there were major layoffs in his company. It looks like he now has it until the end of May but I am worried about his job status as it might not continue past then. I am pretty sure he will get off his a*s and get a job after that though because MAN I WILL LIGHT SUCH A LARGE FIRE UNDER IT SO GOD HELP ME!!!!!!!
Autumns_Elegy Autumns_Elegy 6 years
I agree with Leila07. My partner and I were both recently unemployed. Thankfully I've just been hired as a waitress. My partner is still looking around, but in my opinion he's being too picky. He wont apply for a job because he doesn't want to do heavy lifting or he doesn't want to miss his lessons. I can understand that but when I'm lifting 15kg with a busted back and sacrificing half my contact hours at uni for my job, I get a wee bit PO'd. So I just e-mail him job ads. :)
Mojo-Jojo Mojo-Jojo 6 years
if he still is laying around and not keeping to the deadlines, dump him...you aren't married, there is no obligation to stay
Mojo-Jojo Mojo-Jojo 6 years
I agree with sprinkibrio, set some goals with him. How much time will he devote to the job search each day? Will he seek help with his resume/cover letters? What about taking a class to gain usable skills? There are a lot of free programs offered by the county that help with interviewing skills, resumes, and give classes to help brush up on basic programs like word, excel and PowerPoint. Then there are low cost programs, depending on his field. He can also intern, seeing as he isn't making any money anyway, it is a good way to get his foot in the door and he would be productive while gaining valuable experience. Motivate!!
sprinkibrio sprinkibrio 6 years
I agree 100% with goatimpact. You need to help motivate him, because there is no self-motivation left. I would disagree with letting him take a bit of time to recoup. The longer you stay in a couch potato lifestyle the harder it is to get out.
sprinkibrio sprinkibrio 6 years
Aw I've been in his position. He needs your love. Take him to work out with you, and tell him you love him but he needs to take small steps better himself. Give him a goal per week (workout everyday this week, job search everyday next week) and tell him you'll take him out to dinner at the end of the week if he completes his goal. He needs to realize life isn't over and the sooner the better. Help him have fun to pull him out of this depression.
talanted08 talanted08 6 years
It's hard after losing a job especially if it's one you appreciate! My boyfriend has not worked in a while and when I say a while, that's what I mean! At the moment he takes care of the kid's, house, car and any thing else I'm not able to handle! For some reason I'm ok with that b/c I know he's tried his hardest to help me out but just can't find the right place! I will admit it does get hard and now with the way the job cycle is, it's going to get even harder! He will make sure we have what we need when we need it b/c he doesn't like seeing us with out! The only advice that's good for everyone is having a job keeping it and hoping for the best! To me, that's all you hear but in some cases it's not that easy! Take time out with him, show him you love him unconditional b/c if you don't it may be easier for him to find some one who will except him rather he's broke or unemployed!
Colleeninator Colleeninator 6 years
Cuddle him. Help him look for jobs, but don't do all the work. My husband went through this in January. It's important to keep in mind that a lot of people's self-worth is tied up in what they do.
goatimpact goatimpact 6 years
I currently am exactly like your boyfriend. I have been unemployed for a while now and sometimes get pretty down about it so I just want to stay on the couch all day. I would not react well to being told I was depressed and unproductive. Instead, my husband has been very encouraging when I need it rather than nagging. He'll help me go over my resumes and cover letters, plan things for us to do that will make me dress a little nicer and go somewhere that stimulates my mind, and workout with me since when I get like this, I lack the motivation to do it myself. It also helps when my husband points out that it is the economy and it's not me. Basically, my self worth took a nosedive so volunteering also helped a lot.
lickety-split lickety-split 6 years
i wouldn't do very well. i think tv is little more than time suckage, don't even have in my house. we'd probably end of breaking up because i considered him a brain dead loser. now if he was surfing the net all day i probably wouldn't care. i guess because that's interactive?
Chrstne Chrstne 6 years
I think even if you are in any kind of relationship regardless of status (engaged, dating (but together a while) or married) you are obligated to be there for that person through thick and thin. I don't think a person who is bummed about the economy is trying to use it as an excuse to not get a job, but in reality, they really cannot get a job. Maybe they gave up looking because they saw nothing they were qualified for, nothing that was a good fit for them. I agree you may need to make sacrifices, but don't make a bad situation worse by settling for a job that really does not sit well with you and pray that things get better. If that person need to sit it out and get collected again before resuming, I think that is fine. If you were desperate you would make ends meet -- there are always things you can do to save money and pull through. If you cannot find full time work, I'd encouraged my boyfriend to look at a local elementary school to see if they need help with the after school program. Depending on the persons talents you could also suggest something -- my boyfriend's is computers, so if he got laid off, I'd encourage him to do some free lance work. If it's not possible to have a job for a while, re-budget, find out ways to make your bills less expensive, shop for generic foods and with coupons, try not to drive places you can easily walk. I say be supportive and encouraging, and realize that sometimes after something devestating, people need time to recoop.
MeggyPoodles MeggyPoodles 6 years
good, not god lol. we need an EDIT button!
MeggyPoodles MeggyPoodles 6 years
umm, I am currently experiencing this situation (except we don't live together). My once responsible and happily employed boyfriend now does nothing but play computer games all day. I'm looking forward to everyone's advice, cause I've run out of god ideas!
laura_j laura_j 6 years
I was laid off 3 days before Christmas. Once the holidays passed I sort of became this. I would look for jobs online, and there would be nothing. And I *Never* have a hard time finding a job! So it did get depressing, and you lose your motivation and then kind of end up in a self-pity-party. Where do you live? I'm in canada, and Ontario offers tuition and living expense assistance for those who have been permanently laid off, so in September I'm going back to school.. maybe there is something like that that he can look into? (If he needs more education? Post grad maybe?) If not, dm8bri has great advice. He probably is just bummed and having a hard time digging up some motivation and mayyyybe feels like this crap economy can be his free pass to be a couch potato. Hope it goes well
Pistil Pistil 6 years
Good answer, dm8bri
skigurl skigurl 6 years
i really dont know what i would do. i would be VERY frustrated and feel helpless. if this ever happened to me, so help me god.
dm8bri dm8bri 6 years
Sounds like he's depressed to me. I would talk to him from a completely non-judgemental, non-nagging place and learn how he's handling the stress of losing his job internally, and what things might help him feel better. Sort of take the role of a counselor. Come up with solutions together. Tell him, gently, that beer is a depressant, so it will only make things worse, and moving around outside in the sun will only help. Then, come up with a budget that will help squeeze you through the next month while he is looking for work.
heatherhas heatherhas 6 years
Light a fire under his a**. Its called tough love.
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