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Hate My Best Friend

Sunday Confessional: I Hate My Best Friend

This week's confession comes from our anonymous Confession Booth group in the TrèsSugar Community. Weigh in with your advice below.

So yeah I need some advice from people out with the situation, because best friend beef can be quite tricky.

Basically, my best friend is quite selfish, and always has been. This has never been a problem before, but I think she's getting worse. In the last 6 months, she's changed mega-dramatically, from a quietish girl who was quite fashionable and hip, to this ridiculous evil beast that I'm ashamed to know. She's lost loads of weight (which again, is fair enough if that's what makes you feel good), become 20 times more vain and has started to act like she's better than everyone. At first I was really concerned for her, that her weight-loss wasn't all together healthy, and that she was getting moody, but after a while I just couldn't be bothered with the drama.

But now, like I said, she thinks she's above everyone. She'll pick apart people on the street (like verbally at me), enemies and friends-of-friends — but she's super nice to them in person. She also has a knack of making me and my other best friend feel like sh*t for being us: e.g. "you're not hanging around to see that band, they're such losers" or "omg remember that hideous skirt you had."

And that's all superficial and bearable, but it's the emotional stuff that's really got me down. This girl is the most super-sensitive person you'll ever meet. Everything you do has to be considered as to how it will affect her. For instance, years ago at Uni, this one guy she liked tried to kiss me, and knowing that she liked him, I pushed him off (even though he was cute). But she still fell out with me and made a big scene over it because that was really insensitive to her (I know, right?!).

Find out more after the jump.

So with that in mind, you wouldn't expect her to be the type of person to always go after my "leftovers," would you? Well, from the last year or so, you'd be wrong. And the one that hurts the most is when she got with the guy that I had previously been all smitten with who really hurt me (both emotionally and physically). In our shared flat. Then lied to me about it the next day. Only he got her pregnant. She had an abortion and still didn't tell me. My other best friend accidentally did when she was drunk. But all my best friend did was go on about how sh*t she felt about it and I should know what she's like about opening up about stuff and how upset she was.

Yet ol' mug-face here still accepted her as my friend. But she just keeps getting worse and being this ugly drunk that is super easy and does things to get a reaction out of people. Hell, she's even taken to screaming arguments out of nowhere just to create some drama that night. So I don't really know how to handle that.

I need advice because I'm not sure if I'm being too sensitive here or if I really should just avoid her as a person (although it would mean MASSIVE complications in our group of mutual friends), and where would I start to deal with all of this?

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searching-soul searching-soul 5 years
She sounds terribly selfish. She slept with an ex of yours that emotionally and physically abused you? Friends don't do that. It does sound like something is is going on with her and she has serious issues. Maybe she's bi-polar, an alcoholic or perhaps something else is going undiagnosed. After all she's done...you've gone above and beyond what's required in a friendship. Tell her she needs to get herself together, that she's done too many hurtful things and you won't be around that anymore. i did that with a friend once, cut her off for over a year because she was acting too crazy and doing hurtful things to me. A lot of it was because she drank too much also. She got herself together, it's like she's a different person now. We rekindled the friendship for over a year ago and it's going great. Right now you need distance but tell her why first, don't just disappear. Know she will be defensive and might verbally attack you but a talk will give her something to think about. It sends the message that her issues are apparent and intolerable and if she does'nt get it together you are ready to bounce.
searching-soul searching-soul 5 years
She sounds terribly selfish. She slept with an ex of yours that emotionally and physically abused you? Friends don't do that. It does sound like something is is going on with her and she has serious issues. Maybe she's bi-polar, an alcoholic or perhaps something else is going undiagnosed. After all she's done...you've gone above and beyond what's required in a friendship. Tell her she needs to get herself together, that she's done too many hurtful things and you won't be around that anymore. i did that with a friend once, cut her off for over a year because she was acting too crazy and doing hurtful things to me. A lot of it was because she drank too much also. She got herself together, it's like she's a different person now. We rekindled the friendship for over a year ago and it's going great. Right now you need distance but tell her why first, don't just disappear. Know she will be defensive and might verbally attack you but a talk will give her something to think about. It sends the message that her issues are apparent and intolerable and if she does'nt get it together you are ready to bounce.
karlotta karlotta 5 years
WTF? You only have one life. Fill it with kind people who love you. This bitch sounds totally insane, selfish, superficial, egotistical and MEAN. Get away from this drama - and don't be afraid to lose other friends; the wise ones will follow.
ginamb ginamb 5 years
I was in a similar situation with a former BFF. Cutting her out of of my life meant losing childhood friends because they thought she was "cooler" than me, they didn't see what she was doing, or they just didn't care. And although I miss having friends who know more of my history and where I come from, the drama-free existence of my adult life has been worth that price. It's a difficult choice, but you have to decide what is best for you. For me, I could not take the drama anymore. I could not take the gossiping, the spreading rumors about me to mutual friends, etc. I had to end things, and though it is sad and 10+ years later I periodically think of "what may have been," I've realized that it made me a stronger person. I crept out from under hear shadow, slowly made true friends, and am glad to have made that decision. Good luck to you. It might be tough in the short term, but you'll be happier in the long term!
ChrissyLee ChrissyLee 5 years
This girl does not deserve to be called your best friend. I would dump her, just avoid her. If you see her around your other friends just try to maintain little contact. It may really suck, but she sucks more.
MsPiggiesWorth MsPiggiesWorth 5 years
looks like you need a new BFF... she is obviously taking your friendship for granted... you deserve way more than what she is providing you with. Move on, girl!! it may be hard at first because you and her have history... but you will get through it and ultimately be happier in the end. good luck.
awesomepants awesomepants 5 years
Dump the b*tch. I rate you for not punching her out yet.
postmodernsleaze postmodernsleaze 5 years
Sounds like it's time to move on to other friends.
Ndstars Ndstars 5 years
Whoa, spacekatgal.. step off! She was calling herself mug-face, if you had bothered to read a little closer. Rather quick with the knee-jerk judgements, aren't you?
frontier frontier 5 years
Wow, you've very closely described my current dilemma with my best friend. She works with me also so I understand what you mean about the massive fallout it would cause (for me it's both professionally and personally). Some people may suggest that you be brave and tell her about the issues you have with her. I wouldn't do this. I think it would have a huge impact on your friendship group and you may be left on the outer with everyone, not just the one friend. I would suggest that instead you start adding more and more distance between you two. Do it slowly, either she'll get the message and change her behavior or your friendship will eventually end. If she's anything like my friend, trying to talk to her rationally about your concerns is just going to end up causing a massive shit fight and she will attempt to recruit all your friends against you, painting you as the mean, horrible one.
pax4pax pax4pax 5 years
She has problems. You should get away.
lcrox07 lcrox07 5 years
I agree. Just like the candle light of an ex-boyfriend goes out, so does the sparkle in a friendship. Sometimes it just means it's time to let a person go. She's probably going through a phase. What I would do is tell her straight out how you feel. Don't just all the sudden cut her off with no explanation, that would be confusing and would end up in more drama. Tell her how you feel, give her space, then if she changes you can decide for YOURSELF.
dahliadreamer dahliadreamer 5 years
You need to think about yourself before you try to think about what your mutual friends would think. Someone once told me that in order to love anyone, you have to learn to love yourself first, and in this case, that would mean losing this girl as your friend. She clearly isn't your friend, even if she used to be, and you deserve better. Help yourself by cutting her from your life, but don't forget everything you two used to be. This girl sounds like she really needs helps, and the best way you can is to help her find it. Have a talk to her about your friendship, and where you two stand. For all you know, there might be something behind closed doors that is affecting this drastic change in her, and once you know, the best thing you can do is get her help. If none of that changes and she refuses your help, then the best thing would be to cut communication with her. She needs to deal with her problems on her own, and you need to find better friends.
dahliadreamer dahliadreamer 5 years
You need to think about yourself before you try to think about what your mutual friends would think. Someone once told me that in order to love anyone, you have to learn to love yourself first, and in this case, that would mean losing this girl as your friend. She clearly isn't your friend, even if she used to be, and you deserve better. Help yourself by cutting her from your life, but don't forget everything you two used to be. This girl sounds like she really needs helps, and the best way you can is to help her find it. Have a talk to her about your friendship, and where you two stand. For all you know, there might be something behind closed doors that is affecting this drastic change in her, and once you know, the best thing you can do is get her help. If none of that changes and she refuses your help, then the best thing would be to cut communication with her. She needs to deal with her problems on her own, and you need to find better friends.
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