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Have You Ever Taken a Self-Imposed Hiatus From Love?

Last week an article on MSNBC.com from Today show contributor and sex therapist, Dr. Ian Kerner caught my eye. In it he discusses the ways anxiety and excitement play a strong role in dating, ultimately creating an "emotional seesaw" effect as daters bounce from high to low and back again. His solution to this unending and exhausting cycle is a dating detox. He writes:

Stop dating and stop worrying about it. It may be just the ticket to help you get off the treadmill and achieve a sense of calm and centeredness to get back out there from a place of strength. Put the time you would put into dating into yourself: work, friends, new challenges and goals.

I tend to agree with Kerner's solution, and in fact, I've heard many friends swear off putting themselves out there after a string of bad dates. Have you ever sworn off the pursuit of love in order to reconnect with yourself? And if so, did it work?

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ilanac13 ilanac13 7 years
well i don't know if the goal of my doing it was to connect more with myself - but i have taken a love hiatus in terms of deciding that i wasn't going to look for someone. when i was single, i used to go out with my girls every weekend in the hopes of meeting the next mr right in my life - and it never ended up being fun. we would always go out and get frustrated when there weren't any guys to talk to and it got to be expensive for my friends (they were the kind that if they didn't meet a guy they would just get drunk and that's not fun for me). so i made the choice to stop going out with the intention of meeting a guy - i wouldn't have to worry about getting ALL dressed up and i would be more at ease and i ended up having a better time than they did. i think that you realize what the bigger picture is when you're not focusing so much on love and relationships
ilanac13 ilanac13 7 years
well i don't know if the goal of my doing it was to connect more with myself - but i have taken a love hiatus in terms of deciding that i wasn't going to look for someone. when i was single, i used to go out with my girls every weekend in the hopes of meeting the next mr right in my life - and it never ended up being fun. we would always go out and get frustrated when there weren't any guys to talk to and it got to be expensive for my friends (they were the kind that if they didn't meet a guy they would just get drunk and that's not fun for me). so i made the choice to stop going out with the intention of meeting a guy - i wouldn't have to worry about getting ALL dressed up and i would be more at ease and i ended up having a better time than they did. i think that you realize what the bigger picture is when you're not focusing so much on love and relationships
lickety-split lickety-split 7 years
do NOT recommend it. i went from bf to bf for a period of about 8 years. as soon as i realized the relationship wasn't working i would meet someone else. a friend told me i should take a break from men so i did. funny, because that same friend later told me "it was a good idea for you. i like having a bf". uh-huh.anyway, i had a LONG DRY SPELL even though i met some really nice, interesting, attractive guys right around the time of my last break up, BECAUSE i wanted to be alone. then i ended up being alone when i didn't want to be alone.ever hear the expression "no one wants to eat at the diner with no cars out front"? well there you go.
lickety-split lickety-split 7 years
do NOT recommend it. i went from bf to bf for a period of about 8 years. as soon as i realized the relationship wasn't working i would meet someone else. a friend told me i should take a break from men so i did. funny, because that same friend later told me "it was a good idea for you. i like having a bf". uh-huh. anyway, i had a LONG DRY SPELL even though i met some really nice, interesting, attractive guys right around the time of my last break up, BECAUSE i wanted to be alone. then i ended up being alone when i didn't want to be alone. ever hear the expression "no one wants to eat at the diner with no cars out front"? well there you go.
Beastiegirl5 Beastiegirl5 7 years
I'm doing this right now. My last serious relationship had lasted for nearly 5 years, and I had ended it because I didn't feel it was something that would last a lifetime. I've had a few dates, but I've not been in a serious relationship (anything that's lasted for more than a month) for nearly a year. When I finish my Master's Degree this December, I think I'll get back into the game. The only problem- how to get back to the dating...
Beastiegirl5 Beastiegirl5 7 years
I'm doing this right now. My last serious relationship had lasted for nearly 5 years, and I had ended it because I didn't feel it was something that would last a lifetime. I've had a few dates, but I've not been in a serious relationship (anything that's lasted for more than a month) for nearly a year. When I finish my Master's Degree this December, I think I'll get back into the game.The only problem- how to get back to the dating...
kluster86 kluster86 7 years
I havent been with someone (seriously) in about two years. My last boyfriend was... douchey to say the least, and although i never told myself to take a break, i ended up doing it anway. I'm young and i feel like i need to find myself and focus on my goals.
Shopaholichunny Shopaholichunny 7 years
Of course! I think it's good for the soul. It gives you time to focus on work and other activities besides "LOVE" because trying to find love is in itself very stressful! :D I was on hiatus until I met my boyfriend and we've been together for over 2 years now. :)
Sugasuga29 Sugasuga29 7 years
I myself experienced this. After nothing but bad, unfulfilling relationships, I took time off from dating. After a year of no dating, no nothing--I met my husband by complete and total chance. Taking time off allowed me to focus on myself in a really healthy way--building self-esteem, spending time with friends, and developing new skills and hobbies. It was the best decision I have ever made. I am so happily married now, and I owe it to my year off!
Sugasuga29 Sugasuga29 7 years
I myself experienced this. After nothing but bad, unfulfilling relationships, I took time off from dating. After a year of no dating, no nothing--I met my husband by complete and total chance. Taking time off allowed me to focus on myself in a really healthy way--building self-esteem, spending time with friends, and developing new skills and hobbies. It was the best decision I have ever made. I am so happily married now, and I owe it to my year off!
ladychaos ladychaos 7 years
Yes. And by the end of the month I end up falling for the wrong person.I'm so trying to change that by casually dating. But now, again, I'm starting to fall for people. I just have to keep telling myself that I'm only falling because its the thrill of liking something I don't have, no matter how bad it is; not to mention, the comfort of having someone.
ladychaos ladychaos 7 years
Yes. And by the end of the month I end up falling for the wrong person. I'm so trying to change that by casually dating. But now, again, I'm starting to fall for people. I just have to keep telling myself that I'm only falling because its the thrill of liking something I don't have, no matter how bad it is; not to mention, the comfort of having someone.
kia kia 7 years
I did this for a couple of years after a painful break-up and focused my energy on my work and had some good payoff from my efforts.
bengalspice bengalspice 7 years
I miss the days when I was relationship free completely. I am so desperately trying to figure out how to feel like that now that I am newly single after a 3 year relationship. It's freaking hard when you see this person all the time still ... but I totally think detoxing is the way one should go. Now if only I could find a new job in my industry in a city he'd never move to ... that would be perfection!
bengalspice bengalspice 7 years
I miss the days when I was relationship free completely. I am so desperately trying to figure out how to feel like that now that I am newly single after a 3 year relationship.It's freaking hard when you see this person all the time still ... but I totally think detoxing is the way one should go.Now if only I could find a new job in my industry in a city he'd never move to ... that would be perfection!
ehadams ehadams 7 years
After an abusive relationship (verbal, although I was worried it would become physical), I decided to take a break from men and find myself. I went back to college, started volunteering, bought my dream car. It was a great time and I learned to love myself without a man. I think this is a lesson most women need to learn. You can be complete without someone else! Eventually I started dating again and was a LOT smarter about it. I trusted my instincts and left when I knew something was wrong. Then, two years after that bad relationship, I met the greatest guy and have been with him for 4.5 years now.
ehadams ehadams 7 years
After an abusive relationship (verbal, although I was worried it would become physical), I decided to take a break from men and find myself. I went back to college, started volunteering, bought my dream car. It was a great time and I learned to love myself without a man. I think this is a lesson most women need to learn. You can be complete without someone else!Eventually I started dating again and was a LOT smarter about it. I trusted my instincts and left when I knew something was wrong. Then, two years after that bad relationship, I met the greatest guy and have been with him for 4.5 years now.
CoMMember13630786602261 CoMMember13630786602261 7 years
I tried this after my last relationship ended badly. I was talking to a guy friend from work about it and he told me that when he was in college he had a string of bad relationships, so eventually he just made himself a deal that he wouldnt even talk to a girl (in a romantic sense) for a year. He said he stuck to it and near the end of the year he met his wife in a study group. They became friends and eventually started dating, now they are married and have a daughter. Anyway, so I thought Id give that a whirl. It didnt last very long for me Though it is nice to be able to honestly say that when I met my boyfriend I really wasnt looking for anything or expecting anything to come of it.
Mesayme Mesayme 7 years
I haven't dated since Oct. 2004. You won't dry up and die, obviously. :D But it does suck. You stay home a lot, and people will lie on you constantly. It's as if there HAS to be something to talk about. One thing though, it's been so long I don't have the heart to start. I watch other people and it doesn't seem worth the risk.
bluestar bluestar 7 years
After the past few guys I've been out with, I'm going to try this.
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