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Group Therapy: Keeping the Spark Alive After Moving in Together

This question is from a Group Therapy post in our TrèsSugar Community. Add your advice in the comments!

My boyfriend of over a year just moved into my house with me. While it has only been a week, I am starting to get scared that he is going to lose interest in me. I have never lived with a guy that I have been in a relationship with before and I am not sure how to go about it.

I have mostly been going through my normal schedule, we both have so we can get used to it. But I am scared if we don't have sex every time I see him (like we did when we didn't live together) or if I don't laugh at all his jokes or not argue about him putting the dishes away, that he is going to find someone else who will.

Am I over thinking this situation, and maybe just need to give it some time, or is this a legitimate thing to worry about, and what do I do then?

Have a dilemma of your own? Post it anonymously to Group Therapy for advice, and check out what else is happening in the TrèsSugar Community.

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dahliadreamer dahliadreamer 5 years
You are who you are, and he loves you for you. At least up to this point. A few things like asking him to put dishes away isn't going to change that. I live 50/50 with my boyfriend and back home with my fambam. and telling my man to vaccum, or clean out the dog pen doesn't change how he feels about me. It's a form of affection, I think at least, the fact that I do just about every chore imaginable when I'm at his place. (It's automatic, and I'm that anal kind of person when it comes to cleaning, unfortunately) Just continue to be you, and if you're still worried about it, go slow, and start with one thing at a time. Being in a relationship is telling someone that you'd like to be best friends. So be that.
onlysourcherry onlysourcherry 5 years
Your reasonable concerns are that your relationship will lose some of the "spark" and that this is going to be a huge life change for the both of you. Your unreasonable concern is that these changes mean he will leave you for someone else. But let's just let our imaginations run wild and say that he does get to know the real you, decides he doesn't like it and leaves you. What future would your relationship have had if he couldn't live with you? So while I think you should always work on your compromising, communicating, and consideration skills (like all couples) try not to worry too much or over-analyze your every move. Everything will work out.
onlysourcherry onlysourcherry 5 years
Your reasonable concerns are that your relationship will lose some of the "spark" and that this is going to be a huge life change for the both of you. Your unreasonable concern is that these changes mean he will leave you for someone else. But let's just let our imaginations run wild and say that he does get to know the real you, decides he doesn't like it and leaves you. What future would your relationship have had if he couldn't live with you? So while I think you should always work on your compromising, communicating, and consideration skills (like all couples) try not to worry too much or over-analyze your every move. Everything will work out.
BiWife BiWife 5 years
be yourself - he chose to move in with the you he knows and loves. don't try to jump his bones every time you see him, when you're living together you'll have a lot more "together" time than when you lived separately and you've got to get used to how to fill the moments not spent between the sheets. let him get to know you better and get to know him better, that's the whole point, is it not? You date & get to know each other and find you like each other a lot. You move in & want to get to know each other more and build on that romantic affection you have created. Don't turn into another person just because the relationship moved forward. Faking anything (randiness/horniness, etc) is a fast-track to killing a relationship.
Raynne413 Raynne413 5 years
You don't need to worry about that. You need to just be you, unless you want to continue being someone else for the rest of your life. He needs to learn all aspects of you, and you need to address the things that get on your nerves or bother you, because if you're living with him awhile, and all of a sudden you complain about something he's been doing for the past two years that never bothered you before, he's going to think, "well, I've been doing it for two years already." Things will change, and things will get more comfortable, but that's a good thing! Just enjoy getting to go to sleep every night with your boyfriend and wake up with him in the morning. The rest will work itself out.
Raynne413 Raynne413 5 years
You don't need to worry about that. You need to just be you, unless you want to continue being someone else for the rest of your life. He needs to learn all aspects of you, and you need to address the things that get on your nerves or bother you, because if you're living with him awhile, and all of a sudden you complain about something he's been doing for the past two years that never bothered you before, he's going to think, "well, I've been doing it for two years already." Things will change, and things will get more comfortable, but that's a good thing! Just enjoy getting to go to sleep every night with your boyfriend and wake up with him in the morning. The rest will work itself out.
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