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Is He Asking Me to Be His Girlfriend?

"Is He Asking Me to Be His Girlfriend?"

This question is from a Group Therapy post in our TrèsSugar Community. Add your advice in the comments!

My partner and I have been dating for a couple months and we get along great, both in everyday things and during sex. We're both outgoing but can be shy when it comes to expressing too-sweet behavior. I'm perfectly fine with that because I'm in no rush to get serious and I'd prefer to keep things as simple as possible. We're both busy with our jobs, so I don't need to talk to him every day and we each have our own space for personal things. What's thrown me off, though, is that he asked me during sex to make it official. Everyone knows that during sex you'll say anything and agree with everything, so naturally, I said yes.

Skipping ahead, we had sex another time and he brought it up again. Later, we were at an event where he introduced me to some of his buddies as his "girlfriend." I didn't say anything because it wasn't the time or the place — and even if it was, I wouldn't know how to bring it up. We talk and act like a couple and I really like him, but I'm scared that he might try to ask me or tell me something else during sex in the future. Whenever we see each other and we're kissing and he tries to get too sweet on me, I tend to avoid it and change the mood. It's not that I don't like him, but I just don't think it would be fair to him if he's into me more than I'm into him. And also, I don't feel like things said during sex should be taken too seriously. What do you think?

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ChrissyLee ChrissyLee 4 years
In his eyes you're his girlfriend.  Was his timing a bit off?  Yea, probably.  But maybe he thought he was being romantic or really showing you how much he cares about you.  It's not like he told you I love you while having an orgasm... that's the kind of thing you don't want to take seriously during sex.  You two are clearly living like a couple and it seems you're asking this question because it's not what you want.  If you did want to be with him you would be so excited that he introduced you as his girlfriend and it really wouldn't matter how it came to be it would just matter that it is.  You already spoke about being fair to him, to do that would involve a conversation outside of bed.  If you don't want to be in a relationship with him then you have to tell him.  You will lose what you have but it's only right for both of you.  That way he can find someone who wants to be with him and so can you.  If you're not excited to be his girlfriend now you probably never will be so move on.  
GTCB GTCB 4 years
If you don't want a relationship with this guy beyond mutual orgasming and the sharing of bodily fluids, you better tell him and now.  There is NO good time for this discussion so just get it over with.  Yes, it might ruin what you have now, but it is inevitable.  Just a matter of time if you keep stringing him along.  Men hate that.
aquadigio77 aquadigio77 4 years
i personally find this post a bit strange, but it could be just me :-).....you called him your 'partner' yet you dont want him to call you his 'girlfriend' yet you've been having sex with him, spending time outside of the bedroom and meeting his pals......so to me, people who dont share much emotionally are friendly acquantances, when they really like each other and feel on the same wavelength, they become friends, people who are friends but then decide to have a no-strings sex become sex-buddies, and people who really like each other, have emotional bond and are attracted to each other and have sex become a couple, no? or you would rather him introduce you to his mates as his f*** buddy? i mean, if it quacks like a duck, and walks like a duck... i am confused with labels, and if you dont want to have a boyfriend then tell him that..
matoad matoad 4 years
You like each other, have sex, hang out with each other's friends - sounds to me like officially being his girlfriend is actually the simplest option. Why live like you're in a relationship but maintain that it's something else? I think the freedom you want (e.g. not calling every day) can work in a relationship too, so if it was me I wouldn't see the point of avoiding the 'label'.
missmaryb missmaryb 4 years
You both have different expectations from this "relationship" and you're not being fair by having one set of expectations (casual sex with no strings attached) but leading him to believe you want something else ( a real relationship). The kindest thing to do would be to break it off with him and find someone who wants what you want. And next time be up front from the get-go.
henna-red henna-red 4 years
You're basicaly lying to this guy, and using him. You didn't tell him he wasn't your boyfriend at that time.....but did you tell him later? And now you're making excuses and wanting someone to tell you that what you're doing is ok, because after all, everyone knows that nothing said during sex..... Girl, I'm sorry, but you're talking a lot of crap. You're an adult, who is responsible for what you say, what you don't say, and what you do. Allowing him to believe that all's well, and that you reciprocate his feelings is incredibly dishonest. Why are you doing that? Is he not up for sex with you if the emotions aren't available also? I've got to agree with rachel. Quit playing with this guys emotions. Get honest with him....and get honest with yourself about what you want and what you don't want, and then act acordingly. And that means being up front with anyone you have sex with....particularly when they are investing emotionaly, and expecting that you are also. Stop leading him on. good luck
rachelssmiles rachelssmiles 4 years
I haven't went through anything like that. No. You guys have sex like a couple, act like a couple, and you've confirmed to him while having sex with him that you are a couple. You need to quit playing with this guys emotions. You either are a couple or you aren't but you've led him to believe that you are. If you don't want to be with him, than you need to quit wasting his time.
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