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Is He Just Interested in Sex?

Group Therapy: Is He Just in It For the Sex?

This question is from a Group Therapy post in our TrèsSugar Community. Add your advice in the comments!

I met a guy. We spoke for hours on the phone for three months. The conversations were always enjoyable. I felt a strong connection. We finally went on our first date, and it ended with sex. The date after that was the same. Dinner and then sex. Although I enjoyed both the dinner and the "dessert," I can see a habit forming. I know I should not have had sex so fast. I think the reason I slept with him so fast was because I was longing for companionship. However . . . coulda woulda shoulda.

I like this guy and I would like to see where it goes. However, I'm looking for a long-term relationship. I would like to get married one day. I explained to the guy that I want to spend more time getting to know him outside of the bedroom. Since then he invited me to come by so we can "cuddle." I declined telling him I would prefer to meet for dinner instead, and my reasons behind it. He is now saying that I'm not going with the flow, I'm not being practical, I just want to have a set of rules, and that he loves me and has feelings for me and just wants to spend time with me. I did not give in, however, how should I handle it?

Have a dilemma of your own? Post it anonymously to Group Therapy for advice, and check out what else is happening in the TrèsSugar Community.

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karlotta karlotta 4 years
Sex is just a natural part of a relationship - whether you start it on the first date or on the 18th. Taking it away after it's already been done is just plain weird, and I totally understand what the guy is saying about not going with the flow. If I were him, I wouldn't really understand your sudden motives either. This said, it's also strange that he's refusing to go for dinner. Or was that just once, which it sounds like it was? Maybe you shouldn't ask yourself so many questions and just enjoy the moment if you like him and his company.
testadura67 testadura67 4 years
I think any guy who finds going to dinner an objectionable activity has questionable motives.
wolfjinx25 wolfjinx25 4 years
He doesn't respect you enough. I've been in this situation and the guy was only after sex. Not that the sex was horrible, it was what he expected every time we met up. Eventually, he only wanted to meet up just so we can hook up. I realized that it wasn't what I wanted and I stopped wasting my time with him. I met my fiance online and it took a few days before we met right away. We met and clicked then 7 months later we got engaged and planning a wedding. Now you need to decided if this guy is worth hanging around or find someone better.
somekindofmagic somekindofmagic 4 years
There are men that can have sex immediately and not lose respect for the potential partner and then there are men that lose respect and will only see you as a sexual conquest. I'm lucky enough that when I broke the rule of no sex on the first date, that he didn't look beyond the idea of a relationship and let one develop without always expecting sex. You can't know for sure right now if this guy signed you off as a potential girlfriend. I would say see him a few more times and see how things develop. At this point holding out sex would work against you because once you give a puppy a treat he is going to expect them all of the time. If you feel like he is only after sex and trying to guilt you into it then it's time for you to get back on the dating horse. He might not be the right guy but there are plenty of men out there! I would suggest avoiding talking on the phone for months. I have done it in the past and when we met one of us wouldn't be interested and it would just be a few months of wasted time. When I talked to my current boyfriend online we spoke for two weeks and met right away. It was the one time I stopped wasting time and I met a guy who genuinely clicked.
Raynne413 Raynne413 4 years
So he "loves you" after two dates and talking on the phone for three months, and he's trying to guilt you into not going out for dinner but just coming over to "cuddle". Uh huh. I'd move on. He's trying to manipulate you.
mnp mnp 4 years
I wouldn't give in either. Yeah, you moved too soon but that doesn't mean you can't slow down now. He is already trying to guilt you into feeling bad and I take that as a bad sign. If he isn't willing to go along with it on your terms, I'd break it off.
Mandana85 Mandana85 4 years
I think he should respect what you want and need if he really "loves" you. I would say don't accept whatever he asks just yet. don't go. if he didn't come around then he does not really care about YOU.
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