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He Only Wants You Because He Can't Have You

He Only Wants You Because He Can't Have You

Dear Sugar
I have been with my boyfriend (Jeff) for 2 yrs. For the first 8 months, things were really great, but after that, things started to go downhill. I kept feeling like I had to prove myself to him every 2 weeks.

I would get very jealous when he talked to other girls, yet I would talk to other guys just to test him. We broke up in October, and a week later, he slept with my best friend. After that, he found a girlfriend and then we started talking again.

I guess the time apart made us realize how much we love each other. But during this time, the girl asked him to formal and he said yes before we started talking again. His friend (Joey) found out that I had no date and called to ask me to formal.

I like Joey, but I don't find him very attractive. At the same time, I don't want to miss my formal so I said yes to him. Then the day before my birthday Jeff was being pretty mean to me and I told him that it was over and that I wouldn't allow him to ruin my birthday for the 2nd time year in a row.

He flipped out and kept calling me, and he didn't give up. He came to my house with flowers, music playing, a birthday sign, etc... and actually cried. He claimed that he didn't want to lose me. I am so tired of playing games like this with him.

He doesn't want me to go to formal with Joey and has said that he would bail on his date if I'd bail on mine. Of course I want to do that - I love Jeff, but I am scared he won't back out of his date at the last minute and like always, there will be drama on formal night.

What should I do? Cautious Carina

Dear Cautious Carina
Understand that Jeff only wants what he can't get. The minute he gets into a comfort zone with you where he thinks that everything is ok again, he'll probably start to treat you like dirt.

But you are definitely more into Jeff than you are Joey. The right thing to do is to go to formal with Joey and honor your commitment to him. But you'll probably be miserable because you'll want to be with Jeff instead and you may completely ruin things with Jeff.

I think it's time to take a long hard look at your relationship with Jeff though. It may not be the worst thing to go on a date with someone who is going to treat you nicely. And although you don't feel any physical chemistry with him, he'll make you feel like a lady again.

Maybe that's what it will take for you to get your standards back. I hate to break it to you, but you know that Jeff isn't the right guy for you ... so what are you doing?

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