My boyfriend of ten months is a great guy. However, we've got a little bit of a big problem. I'm a vegetarian, into fitness, and very conscious of what type of foods I eat. No matter where I am or how much I am rushing around, I make it a point to eat healthy.
My boyfriend on the other hand, eats fast food three to four times a day. And since we've started dating, it's pretty safe to say that he's gained about 50 pounds! He also smokes. Not only am I worried about his health, but his weight gain is affecting my level of attraction toward him. How can I approach him about living a healthier lifestyle? Miss-Fit Megan
To see DEARSUGAR and ASTUTE ARTHUR's answer
DEARSUGAR: Dear Miss-Fit Megan
Gross! He's letting himself go to complete mush. I wouldn't stand for this and why should you be the one who has to be his cheerleader? He knows the risks involved in eating these kinds of foods and smoking. I don't blame you for not feeling attracted to him.
If it were me, I would make him a doctor's appointment for a full body physical. Maybe it will be sobering for him to hear straight from the horse's mouth how much weight he's gained and how badly he looks compared to his last visit.
Then I would ask him if he wants your help getting involved in a gym or personal training lessons. I know this is harsh, but beyond that if he's not going to take care of himself, why should you have to take care of him? We can't love anyone else if we don't love ourselves.
ASTUTE ARTHUR:Dear Miss-Fit Megan,
Do you want to be his lifestyle coach or his girlfriend? If he’s put on 50 lbs in ten months while you’ve been eating vegetarian and working out, either you two are the ultimate ying and yang, or something isn't right here.
Setting out to change a lover’s habits because they are affecting your sex drive is a very steep hill to climb. He is bound to become defensive and feel attacked. Are you prepared to take action if he doesn't change?
Perhaps because you have a genuine concern for his health and well being, you may have a chance to help motivate him. But if he decides that he doesn't want to put in the effort and live a healthier lifestyle, then be prepared to follow through and do something about it on your end.
If you don’t find his shortcomings and peculiarities attractive, you should be asking how to break up with him and move on to a man whose shortcomings you find endearing.