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Help! My Ex Won't Leave Me Alone

Help! My Ex Won't Leave Me Alone

Dear Sugar--

I've recently broke up with my fiance after a 2-year, long distance relationship. The truth is I was over him a long time ago since he was never there with me and the relationship was more like a burden to me. Anyways, he was devastated after we broke up because he had always been very dependent on me emotionally and it seemed as if I was his only friend.
Since the break up, he has been trying to become my friend. At first, I agreed to it because I felt guilty for breaking up with him. However, being friends with him hasn't worked out so well since he is still in love with me and has refused to accept the fact that we have no chance of getting back together. I am dating somebody else so I decided that it would be better for him if we didn't talk anymore so I try to not answer his emails and I blocked him from social networks that I am in. That didn't work and he continues to call, email, and contact me through an organization website that I am involved with. He is currently overseas right now so he can't really see me but I am scared that once he's back, he will try to see me and cause problems with my current boyfriend. What can I do to make this easier on all of us? --Over it Olivia

To see DEARSUGAR's answer

Dear Over it Olivia--

I am sorry you are feeling the pressure of an overbearing ex, it sounds as though he is having a hard time moving on, which is a completely normal reaction after being engaged for 2 years. With that said, have you been giving him any mixed signals or any indication that you would consider getting back together? Remaining friends with an ex, especially one who clearly still has feelings for you can make for a bumpy road ahead. Is he aware that you are dating someone else? Have you told him you want him to keep his distance or have you just been avoiding him altogether?

Your ex deserves your complete honesty. While I am sure being friends made you feel less guilty at first, you're right to cut off all ties with him. The only way he will move on is if he truly feels you are not a part of his life anymore. Since you had a long distance relationship, talking on the phone and e-mailing as "friends" isn't all that different than how you communicated as an engaged couple.

I wouldn't worry about the future until there is something to worry about. If he does come back to cause trouble with you and your new boyfriend, you're just going to have to be firm with him, tell him to back off, and hope he respects the fact that you have moved on with your life. Hopefully after he sees you have, he will be able to do the same. Good luck to you.


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