I'm having a very hard time deciding who I would like to pick to be my bridesmaids for my wedding next year. I decided a long time ago that I wanted my best friend of almost 20 years (we met in the second grade) to be my maid of honor since I don't have a sister. I want my fiancé's family to feel a part of the wedding so I would like the youngest of his two sisters (his oldest sister has health and knee problems) to be a bridesmaid, but she has two young boys so I am not sure if she will be able to.
I would like to ask one of my cousins to be a bridesmaid but I am torn between two. One is a year older than me and we were close when we were children but her parents got divorced and I didn't see her again until our late teens. The other cousin is, I think, four years older than me. I don't really get along with her. I used to when I was younger but she recently became very rude and distant towards everyone in our family, including her mom and brother. Why I would want to pick her to be a bridesmaid is because I saw that she was mildly upset when none of our cousins (I have a big family) have ever asked her to be a bridesmaid in their weddings.
Now what I was thinking is that I can choose all of the four that I said and that that would be fine, but I had mentioned to my fiancé that I was maybe thinking of asking his friend/roommate to be a bridesmaid. They started living together a few months after he and I started dating and she had recently started dating someone around the same time we did. I didn't want to come off as overly jealous so I didn't say that I was opposed to the idea of them living together. And, really, I wasn't/am not. I learned early on in our relationship that he is trustworthy. I do, however, feel jealous of her. She is nice but we've never had a real conversation. Whenever I'm at their apartment, she's either at work, out with her boyfriend, or in her bedroom and gives us our privacy. I appreciate that but I would like to have a friendship with her. It's almost been a year since they have been living together and I still only see her as an acquaintance rather than a friend. Why am I jealous of her? She's skinnier than I am, (in my opinion) prettier, good sense of style, more confident. I'm almost 27 and still don't know how to put on makeup, except for simple stuff like eye shadow, lipstick/gloss, powder, and foundation. After thinking about all of these things, I started thinking that maybe I don't want her to be a bridesmaid because I don't want to have to feel as if I'm competing against someone at my wedding. Well, I just found out that my fiancé told her that I might ask her to be a bridesmaid, and that if I didn't for her to act as if he had never told her that. So now I feel obligated to ask her to be a bridesmaid.
What should I do? Should I ask my fiancé's roommate or should I ask my two cousins?