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His Mixed Signals are so Confusing!

Dear Sugar--

I've been seeing this guy for about six months now. We generally have a great time together, but I feel like he sends me a lot of mixed signals. I guess I want to know whether he's confused with his emotions or if he's sending me a clear message that he doesn't want to be with me.

The positives in our "relationship" is that I've met many of his friends and his parents, he refers to me by name to friends I haven't met so I know he's talked about me. The negatives are that he makes comments about how people in serious relationships are lame, how he's so glad he's not on the marriage track, how he doesn't think he can be with anyone until he's SURE that he can marry them, how people use their relationships as a crutch, he won't invite me to his friend's wedding this summer, and we're not officially a couple although he isn't seeing other people.

Dear, I'm not a clingy girl and I don't need to be invited to all his events, however, his constant commitmentphobia talk makes me feel like he's just warning me not to get too attached. My last relationship lasted two and a half years and I don't know if this is just the nature of a casual and possibly progressing relationship.

I'm trying not to act crazy and to just enjoy his company but his comments totally bug me and I've told him as much. I find myself acting out towards him which I'm sure just reinforces the idea in his head that he shouldn't be in a serious relationship. Do his actions speak louder than words or is he sending me a very clear message with his comments? --Conflicted Katlin

To see DEARSUGAR's answer

Dear Conflicted Katlin--

Have you ever had a talk with this man about where you both envision this relationship going? It is pretty clear by his comments that he isn't ready for a serious relationship, so if you are not on the same page as him, which it sounds like you aren't, your feelings are bound to get hurt if you continue traveling on the road you're on.

While you might be having a hard time deciphering if his actions are speaking louder than words, you must take those words to heart. I don't doubt that he enjoys spending time with you, but if you are staying with him in hopes that he will have a change of heart, I advise you to proceed with caution.

Six months is a long time to put up with such negative talk about relationships and can't make you feel very good. It sounds as though he is merely looking for a good time and nothing more, so if you are looking for a secure and stable relationship, unfortunately this man might not be the one for you. Trust your instincts and do what feels right. Good luck!


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