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The How-To Lounge: Decoding a Charmer

My mom always told me, when it comes to men, "beware of the charming ones." When you're 12 it's difficult to understand why a charming guy would be anything but good, but as you get older it starts to make sense. They make us laugh, make us feel beautiful, lead us to believe we're the only woman in the world worth talking to, and then poof, they're off to the next girl.

So how do you know if the guy you've become completely smitten with is genuinely perfect or just a charmer? Unfortunately, only time will tell, but there certainly are ways to help decode his signals. To learn more,


  • Sad but true, guys who make over-the-top gestures before a relationship has even taken off tend to talk a big talk without ever walking the walk.
  • Nothing screams red flag like a guy who has an answer for everything. Of course we want guys with opinions, but we also want guys that are up for listening to new thoughts on a subject.
  • If he continuously uses play fighting as flirting, you can guess that he might actually enjoy the sensation of arguing (and winning) more than getting to know you.
  • It's not a good sign if you hear him have a seemingly deep conversation with other women just before or just after he talks with you. He might just be making the rounds.

When getting to know someone, use your best judgments and trust your gut instincts. Good luck!

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babiipiink babiipiink 8 years
Ooh I'm a sucker for charmers. Probably cuz I'm still a teenager ..... still, I know how to, like you guys said, brush them off(I think)! I think I'm pretty much a charmer, too. Now that's when the fun starts. kk
mlen mlen 8 years
allourregrets- i agree with you about listening to your gut! i definitely dated a charmer. and he definitely cheated on me. multiple times. and it took me a while before i was willing to let myself see that, because otherwise he said all the right things and acted all the right ways. it sucks to get sucked in!
herjoiedevivre herjoiedevivre 8 years
huge gestures are now what turn me off. I had a guy buy me diamonds for christmas (I was 17 and we'd been dating 2 months), set up a hot air balloon ride, scatter rose petals in a church while he sang to me his own written love songs for me on the acoustic guitar in candlelight- and then he came in my high school to find me while CLASS WAS STILL IN SESSION. peering in the windows of every class looking for me until he got pulled out by an administrator. those guys always tend to freak me out now because I notice the same pattern- their gestures are so over-the-top because they don't want you to ever leave their side. trying to break up with him only incensed him and he would leave alternately angry and sad messages on my phone, call my work and ask them to leave messages for me, and then call and ask them to rip up the message. after him, I appreciated a simple dinner and a movie!!!!
herjoiedevivre herjoiedevivre 8 years
huge gestures are now what turn me off. I had a guy buy me diamonds for christmas (I was 17 and we'd been dating 2 months), set up a hot air balloon ride, scatter rose petals in a church while he sang to me his own written love songs for me on the acoustic guitar in candlelight- and then he came in my high school to find me while CLASS WAS STILL IN SESSION. peering in the windows of every class looking for me until he got pulled out by an administrator.those guys always tend to freak me out now because I notice the same pattern- their gestures are so over-the-top because they don't want you to ever leave their side. trying to break up with him only incensed him and he would leave alternately angry and sad messages on my phone, call my work and ask them to leave messages for me, and then call and ask them to rip up the message.after him, I appreciated a simple dinner and a movie!!!!
AmandaLucia AmandaLucia 8 years
I got fooled once - and I should have seen it coming - he would say things like, 'you're the only woman who's been in my bed' ' you're the only woman who has ever said such sweet things to me' ' i do'nt want to hurt you' ' all my friends like you so much!' Come to find out he was saying those things to at least two other girls at the same time! also, beware of any man who tells you he hasn't slept with a woman in a long time. don't be fooled, male friends have even told me, they are always trying to get into your pants.
AmandaLucia AmandaLucia 8 years
I got fooled once - and I should have seen it coming - he would say things like, 'you're the only woman who's been in my bed' ' you're the only woman who has ever said such sweet things to me' ' i do'nt want to hurt you' ' all my friends like you so much!'Come to find out he was saying those things to at least two other girls at the same time!also, beware of any man who tells you he hasn't slept with a woman in a long time. don't be fooled, male friends have even told me, they are always trying to get into your pants.
GlowingMoon GlowingMoon 8 years
Charmers are fun, but I agree, they're not relationship material. Just have fun with them, and don't give them too much (like your time and your heart). Charm them back, and brush them off. Two can play that game. :) In all fairness, women can be charmers, too, who manipulate men and friends.
GlowingMoon GlowingMoon 8 years
Charmers are fun, but I agree, they're not relationship material. Just have fun with them, and don't give them too much (like your time and your heart). Charm them back, and brush them off. Two can play that game. :)In all fairness, women can be charmers, too, who manipulate men and friends.
1QTPIE 1QTPIE 8 years
Luckily I had some great examples. My two uncles were great charmers. I loved going along with my uncle to meet one of his "girls." ( I was young, about 10 or 11) I got spoiled so I was a lil charmer myself. lol. Well I kinda sorta fell for a wanna be charmer. We talked for 6 months over the phone before we ever saw each other. We were together a total of a year and a half before we slept together. He was real good to me until I got pregnant. Then I guess becoming a daddy took over him. So we separated after I tried to make it work for a year. So i can tell a charmer off the back but it doesn't hurt to want to charm back.
popgoestheworld popgoestheworld 8 years
I think some of them are actually sociopaths.
Sun_Sun Sun_Sun 8 years
hmmmm i dont know....but im generally not a fan of sugar coating
CoMMember13630786602261 CoMMember13630786602261 8 years
Oh Ive had my fair share of charmers. I lived with one for a year and half. He was pretty good at his game too. (obviously..he convinced me to let him move into my apartment) I thought that he was "the one" I mean...he was perfect. Come to find out he was cheating on me the entire time. So hye met someone else right after we broke up, and I took it upon myself to inform her of his lying cheating ways. She didnt believe me at first (of course) But then she sent me an email about 2 months later saying that he had gotten another girl pregnant and that she ended it with him. I guess I knew all along, I just wanted to believe him so bad. I knew by the way the girls that worked for him talked to him, and looked at him. I knew by the way he would leave the room to take certian phone calls. I think the best way to know is just to listen to your gut feeling. A woman always knows when she is being played, we just choose not to listen, becuase we convince ourselves that we are overreacting or making something out of nothing...when In my experience, if I would have listened to my gut everytime, I would have saved myself ALOT of heartache.
mnp mnp 8 years
My first impression of bf was just a charmer who was just making the rounds. And like Dearsugar said, "only time will tell". And time is telling me a lot! My bf is insecure so he makes up for it by being a smooth talker but when it comes to me, he is at a loss for words. =)
aimeeb aimeeb 8 years
ash :rotfl:
aimeeb aimeeb 8 years
ash :rotfl:
ms_dior_cherie ms_dior_cherie 8 years
I have learned these through trial and error. Sadly, I always seems to catch the charmers b/c they are more fun to me but you never get a fulfilling relationship out it.
Shopaholichunny Shopaholichunny 8 years
LOL ashcwebb! That's true though...
Lovely_1 Lovely_1 8 years
You can really tell the charmer form the real thing if your wearing a low top with a push-up bra and he looks AT YOUR FACE and not your BOOBS!
erratic-assassin erratic-assassin 8 years
they always have a cocky smile on their fug-mug. they think they know everything. I wasn't a sucker for guys like these.
erratic-assassin erratic-assassin 8 years
they always have a cocky smile on their fug-mug. they think they know everything.I wasn't a sucker for guys like these.
Random2 Random2 8 years
A few of my male friends are like this, but I've never tried to date a charmer. One tried pretty hard, but didn't get anywhere. This type of guy always seems to be really greasy, and remind me of the stereotypical used car sales man.
ccsugar ccsugar 8 years
I don't like these guys, and if I happen to meet one I quickly end things. They always have some hidden agenda, at least in my experience.
gigill gigill 8 years
Er, who can see through that rather.
gigill gigill 8 years
Personally, I'm always more wary of the guys that a lot of women seem to fall over. Usually these guys are the charming types and I like to think that I'm one of the smart women that can see through that!
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