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The How-To Lounge: Reacting When He Can't Perform

The How-To Lounge: Reacting When He Can't Perform

I don’t care how long you’ve been in a relationship, it’s always a difficult scenario when your man can’t perform. But, it happens — to everyone. And while it's not the end of the world to most women, it can be devastating to a man. For some helpful tips on how to cope with a situation such as this, click here to

  • Don’t repeatedly ask him what’s wrong or why it happened. Once should be plenty sufficient, and trust me, he probably doesn’t have an answer.
  • It’s likely that he’ll no longer be in the mood, so don’t force anything right then. Give it time, a day or two, and then initiate things again, but go slowly. It’s likely he might be feeling some residual anxiety.
  • Even if he acts frustrated, try not to return the sentiment. Instead, maintain some affection. You don’t need to smother him, but rest your hand on his stomach or give him one last good kiss before going to sleep.
  • Though this isn’t a big deal (really, it’s normal!), don’t say, “It’s not a big deal.” You don’t want to undermine how he’s feeling, it’s better to convey that through your actions.
  • Don't take it personally! It doesn't mean your boyfriend isn't attracted to you, turned on by you, or totally blown away by you, in fact, that's about the least likely scenario.


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Girl101 Girl101 7 years
Happens rarely, but when it does, I usually just cuddle with him or sometimes give him a massage. Sometimes it will come back that night or he'll be "up" in the morning for round two (usually we stay naked). I also find that giving him some "oral" encouragement can help him rise to the occasion.
Abnormal-girlie Abnormal-girlie 7 years
It has happened on a couple of occasions. Not a big deal to me, first time was a big deal to him. Just cuddling is great and leave it alone for a day or two, it will come back.
porkypocky porkypocky 8 years
this only happens when he's too sleep deprived or one of us hurts ourselves in the process, where it usually ends with one person lying on the bed in pain and the neither of use feel like continuing. no hard feelings, it happens =) we just laugh it off.
KLDinerman KLDinerman 8 years
this happened once to my guy, but it turned out to be that our lubricant had a numbing agent in it - creepy! We were both really relieved...
Random2 Random2 8 years
It's happened a few times with my guy, and usually when he's really stressed about something. We'll just cuddle for a bit, then get on with it.
MarinerMandy MarinerMandy 8 years
This made me think of the Friends episode when Rachel and Ross are fighting and Rachel yells at him, "It's not the common, it doesn't happen to every guy, and it IS a big deal!" It happens, you just have to roll with it. One of the many reasons I'm soooo glad I'm not a guy!
tglynn tglynn 8 years
This happens quite a bit, but I don't mind cause he wants to cuddle instead :3
Meike Meike 8 years
What does it mean by performance, anyway? Well, if a couple is having sex 2-4 times daily, they're not each going to climax simultaneously every single time. Sometimes, they both won't climax at all during a sex session. The body, especially for guys when they're doing all the performing, does tire out.
AujahAcorn AujahAcorn 8 years
my bf at the time has not had this happen but my last bf did. i took it personal but did not tell him so. now i know better. poor guy wish i comforted him more.
GlowingMoon GlowingMoon 8 years
Huh??? :?
cvandoorn cvandoorn 8 years
Hasn't happened to me yet with my man!
Lovely_1 Lovely_1 8 years
Yea it's happened once when he was drunk too...very drunk...hahaha.
CoMMember13630786602261 CoMMember13630786602261 8 years
cant say that we've ever had this problem...except maybe once when we were both way to drunk...i dont know why we even tried that night. ;)
toenails15 toenails15 8 years
My man has this problem usually when he's stressing over something at work, or family things. Usually the best thing for me to do is just snuggle him gently and relax. He knows that sex wasn't the end all for me, that just being intimate is ok... and that doesn't require sex!
Lovely_1 Lovely_1 8 years
My man is still in his sex-rage age ha! So we RARELY have this problem...
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