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How Can I Help My Single Friend?

Ask a Yogi: How Can I Help My Single Friend?

Conventional Wisdom is a different kind of advice column. Your questions will be answered by people from all walks of life rather than by advice experts. This week, an expert in yoga tries to help out a concerned friend. If you have a question you'd like answered on Conventional Wisdom, you can submit it here.

Today's Question:
“One of my good friends has never really had a serious boyfriend. Lately she’s been so down about it that she’s making excuses not to hang out with me and my friends who do happen to be in relationships. Obviously when we’re together we try to talk about more than our boyfriends or husbands, but I can understand her sensitivity. Any advice on how I can make her feel hopeful about her love-life situation and make her excited to hang out with her old friends?”

To see the yogi's answer,

.

You sound like a really good friend and can definitely have some impact on single Sally, who is feeling a little left out of all the fun. Can’t say I blame her, as nobody wants to be on the sidelines when hearing or watching all the activity on the field.

Change the setting a bit — meaning, instead of having a sit-down dinner among all girlfriends who are married or paired off, plan an activity where you both will be engaged! Suggest a bowling night, tennis match, training for a race, performance, etc. where the attention will be more on what you are doing than on who is dating who.

Also, if you really want to be there for your friend and help her achieve her personal goals, you can help her put together an online dating profile, make some introductions to potential mates, or accompany her as an experienced wingwoman to an event. Once your friend starts getting more exposure to the dating scene and her confidence picks up, suggest a girls date where you act as her dating stylist and accompany her on a shopping spree and partake in some beautifying services. That is bound to be a win-win situation for both of you.

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kulikuli kulikuli 6 years
I say ditto to the non-boyfriend related activities. But as a girl who has not had a long term boyfriend ever herself, please friends, don't try to set us up or do a makeover without asking. I would feel quite offended that you would think i'd need help, like you pity me instead of just being a friend who wants to hang out. What i've noticed more, at least in my situation, is i get criticized more by my friends as to "why" i don't have a boyfriend. So i hang out with my friends less because whenever they have a new man, their life seems to only revolve around this new guy, it's like they lost the rest of their personality they had before they were with him. I also don't hang out as much because they always make the situation uncomfortable when trying to suggest that i "NEED" a boyfriend so we can all talk about the same stuff. I don't understand why friends can't just talk with or without being in a relationship. I find those little comments more the reason that i don't hang out with friends like that, more than them talking about their man. I don't mind listening to their stories or problems, but dont let that be the only thing you have to talk about in your life, and dont put down your friend or make it seem like a goal for them to have a relationship.
kulikuli kulikuli 6 years
I say ditto to the non-boyfriend related activities. But as a girl who has not had a long term boyfriend ever herself, please friends, don't try to set us up or do a makeover without asking. I would feel quite offended that you would think i'd need help, like you pity me instead of just being a friend who wants to hang out. What i've noticed more, at least in my situation, is i get criticized more by my friends as to "why" i don't have a boyfriend. So i hang out with my friends less because whenever they have a new man, their life seems to only revolve around this new guy, it's like they lost the rest of their personality they had before they were with him. I also don't hang out as much because they always make the situation uncomfortable when trying to suggest that i "NEED" a boyfriend so we can all talk about the same stuff. I don't understand why friends can't just talk with or without being in a relationship. I find those little comments more the reason that i don't hang out with friends like that, more than them talking about their man. I don't mind listening to their stories or problems, but dont let that be the only thing you have to talk about in your life, and dont put down your friend or make it seem like a goal for them to have a relationship.
hypnoticmix hypnoticmix 6 years
I say ditto the advise.
hypnoticmix hypnoticmix 6 years
I say ditto the advise.
totygoliguez totygoliguez 6 years
I think that you should definitely introduce her to a guy that you think she might like. Also, have a non-boyfriend environment when you are around her.
pink-elephant pink-elephant 6 years
good good advice! I have had a similar situation with one of my friends and it really is good just to go out and do non-boyfriend related stuff together, to help her feel better, and it's good quality time for the both of you too!
mcjx3 mcjx3 6 years
this is really good advice!
mcjx3 mcjx3 6 years
this is really good advice!
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