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How Can I Persuade My Parents To Approve?

Dear Sugar
I am hopelessly in love with an older man. His charm and witty sense of humor make him irresistible to me. All of the guys I have met that are my age are immature and indecisive. I feel like I've finally found someone I can relate to and who's on the same page as me.

The problem is that my parents aren't supportive of my decision to move in with him. He is a different religion than I am, he has two children and he is 22 years older than me. My parents didn't think our relationship would last, and now that we are moving in together they are panicked.

I am so sick of my parents bugging me about why I am with him. I happen to love him deeply; I love his children as my own and I am devoted to making us work. As close as I am with my parents, I am not going to let them break us up, however their incessant disdain is draining me. Is there anything I can do to convince them to accept my boyfriend? Determined Dita

To see DEARSUGAR's answer

Dear Determined Dita
Being happy in your relationship should be your number one priority. Age is technically just a number, although an important factor to to take into consideration if you see a future with this man. Are your parents aware that their lack of support is very painful for you? Does the difference in your religion trouble you as well? Even though you love his children, do you want a family of your own one day?

I hope that you can see that your parents are just trying to look out for your well being, however, their approach is only hurting you. Being with a man 22 years your senior could lead to a harder life for you later down the road. People can be very judgmental when it comes to differences in: age, race, religion, etc... and perhaps your parents are trying to spare you from being exposed to hardships that could be otherwise avoided.

You sound very committed to this relationship, so finding a middle ground with your parents is a must. Try talking with them about your feelings and let them know you are moving in with your boyfriend regardless of their cynicism. Express that their support would make all the difference in the world to you. Reiterate how wonderful your relationship makes you feel and that they will only drive you away if they don't learn to accept your decision.

You are the best judge of your own choices in life, so if being involved and committed to this relationship feels right to you; then go with it. You only live once and it might as well be with the man of your dreams.

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VLC06 VLC06 9 years
veronica :) HEY EVERYONE, WELL I HAVE THIS BOYFRIEND WHO I LOVE VERY MUCH. HE IS 29 YEARS OLD AND IM 18. WE BOTH LOVE AND CARE ABOUT EACH OTHER, BUT MY MOM DOESNT SEEM TO UNDERSTAND. SHE THINKS HE IS MANIPULATING ME AND TAKING ADVANTAGE OF ME BECAUSE HE IS OLDER. MY MOM WANTS US TO BRAKE UP AND STOP SEEING EACH OTHER. SHE BELIEVES THAT I'LL RUIN MY LIFE IF I KEEP SEEING HIM. SHE THINKS I WONT GO TO SCHOOL ANYMORE BUT THE TRUTH IS THAT I START COLLEGE IN JANUARY AND HE SUPPORTS ME 100%, HE WANTS ME TO HAVE A CARREER. I'M JUST VERY DEPRESSED THAT NOW THAT IM HAPPY WITH THE PERSON I LOVE, MY MOTHER DOESNT SUPPORT ME. SO PLEASE LET ME KNOW WHAT YOU THINK, ANYTHING WOULD HELP, THANKS :)
Padraigin Padraigin 9 years
I guess I need the walker, too, being 34 and all.
Padraigin Padraigin 9 years
Padra... thank you for listing each of your family member's occupations. I am just wondering why I should care? And I am in therapy. Have been since I was twelve. I still see the same therapist today. MOREOVER, my therapist has met my fiance on more than one occasion and considers him to be a very positive influence in my life... but really why do I bother explaining? Do you honestly think that advice given to me on some trivial message board forum is going to impact my life? Especially when I wasn't asking for such advice? Please do quit while you're ahead. May YOU shouldn't have discussed having relations with a 24 year old when you were 13 and also mentioning that your mother thought it was perfectly OK, sweetie. Your therapist thinks a man who would have sex with a 13 year old is a POSITIVE influence in your life? Wow. That's all. Wow. That's a therapist who should NOT be seeing patients. And just keep right on being defensive and aggressive in your defense of your relationship with a sick sick man. YOU put it out there. Not me.
LisaK LisaK 9 years
Go buy yourself a rascal or a hov-a-round you know a mobility scooter to get around Karma and Jenna!!
Shiloh-Jolie-Pitt Shiloh-Jolie-Pitt 9 years
:ROTFL: Karma! ___________________ ~~ googoo gaagaa ~~
Shiloh-Jolie-Pitt Shiloh-Jolie-Pitt 9 years
I meant I CAN yayyyy ___________________ ~~ googoo gaagaa ~~
Shiloh-Jolie-Pitt Shiloh-Jolie-Pitt 9 years
Thanks for the entertainment though! hey I can't post again in DearSugar, yay me! ___________________ ~~ googoo gaagaa ~~
JennaV JennaV 9 years
Powerwalking! Alright! I am off too for now.
karmasabitch karmasabitch 9 years
:FOGEY: Well I'm off for a while chicas, I need to go slow walk a few laps around the local mall for exercise :FOGEY:
JennaV JennaV 9 years
WHAT?!?! Sorry hon, I couldn't hear you.... :fogey:
LisaK LisaK 9 years
haha *their* You youngins understand when us old coots get past age 30, your eyes start playing tricks on you :fogey:
karmasabitch karmasabitch 9 years
I should ask for a cane for Christmas, I'm almost 24 you know :FOGEY:
t0xxic t0xxic 9 years
Well wha ? :FOGEY: My age is catching up to my brain/ cybering skills -------------------- -------------------- ATTENTION ALL SECRET SANTA LOVERS VISIT THE ONCE UPON A FAB FINDING HOLIDAY SUITE ASAP TO CONFIRM PARTICIPATION!
LisaK LisaK 9 years
haha felling -- I really am an old :fogey: sorry bout that forgot them there reading glasses!!
t0xxic t0xxic 9 years
:ROTFLMFAO: ?? -------------------- -------------------- ATTENTION ALL SECRET SANTA LOVERS VISIT THE ONCE UPON A FAB FINDING HOLIDAY SUITE ASAP TO CONFIRM PARTICIPATION!
t0xxic t0xxic 9 years
:FOGEY: :ROTFLMAO: -------------------- -------------------- ATTENTION ALL SECRET SANTA LOVERS VISIT THE ONCE UPON A FAB FINDING HOLIDAY SUITE ASAP TO CONFIRM PARTICIPATION!
karmasabitch karmasabitch 9 years
Yeah me too Lisa, I'm so hungry I'm feeling weak like :FOGEY:
JennaV JennaV 9 years
Me too....I am the ripe old age of 32. :fogey:
karmasabitch karmasabitch 9 years
:FOGEY: Man I want some curly fries from Arbys.
LisaK LisaK 9 years
I am felling like a :fogey:
bruno1 bruno1 9 years
Woof!
BlondeSugar BlondeSugar 9 years
In the future don't post your own personal experiences if you don't want to hear other peoples opinions on it. And don't attack other sugars.
JennaV JennaV 9 years
:rotfl: Lisa.....I am DYING here. Well, he must have been cool if he was Fedora guy's friend. :oy: What a l*ser, hanging around all the high school kids....
M155-J4CK13 M155-J4CK13 9 years
Seriously... the subject has been run into the ground. I am amazed that you all are still expressing fascination/revulsion/disgust/curiosity/anger on the matter. It reminds me of my puppy who is so easily fascinated with a blowing leaf. It is what it is. And I was happy to provide you with a form of entertainment... but I think everything to say has already been said. Continue with the high school gossipfest, but I think I'm done answering questions on the topic. I need no validation from strangers, and I see that the questions are only asked to gather more ammo against my lifestyle, of which you know nothing about. So by all means, continue. I'll just watch from here on it. :)
LisaK LisaK 9 years
That would be correct Jenna. I do need to add he was Fedora guy's friend and became an acquaintance of mine through him. The guy even went to Galveston to the condo we were all staying in after Prom!!!
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