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How to Date More Than One Guy?

Group Therapy: Dating More Than One Guy at Once

This question is from Group Therapy in our TrèsSugar Community. Add your advice in the comments!

I was seeing a guy for two months whom I found out was also seeing another girl. We weren't exclusive so it wasn't a big deal, but I ended up breaking things off because in the end, it bothered me feeling like I was at his convenience . . . and I couldn't let myself have sex with him when I knew he was with another girl.

How do people do it?! Maybe I'm too jealous, I don't know . . . but how do girls date more than one guy and not have it be a big thing?! The sex factor bothers me. I feel like it should mean something, maybe I'm too stuck up I don't know but I would like to be more carefree and just able to let lose. I would still like to see this guy but for some reason it's just weird now because I confronted him.

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Lenay Lenay 5 years
Marriage is for commitment. Dating is for fun and getting to know people; and the more people you get to know while you're single, the more likely you are to find a great match when you finally do decide to settle down. You shouldn't limit yourself to the company of just one person when there's been no commitment.But don't go sleeping around. When you decide to sleep with someone, you shouldn't be dating anyone else. Most people consider sex a level of commitment whether or not it leads to setting a wedding date.
Lenay Lenay 5 years
Marriage is for commitment. Dating is for fun and getting to know people; and the more people you get to know while you're single, the more likely you are to find a great match when you finally do decide to settle down. You shouldn't limit yourself to the company of just one person when there's been no commitment. But don't go sleeping around. When you decide to sleep with someone, you shouldn't be dating anyone else. Most people consider sex a level of commitment whether or not it leads to setting a wedding date.
karlotta karlotta 5 years
I'm with you, I can't date several people at once, and I feel that I am special enough that a guy should only be dating me, not group-testing me. Our life-span isn't short enough to warrant having to multiply dating partners in order to find love. I actually find that it prevents you from really engaging into one relationship - how can you not get emotionally and sexually confused? Even without actually having sex with multiple "dates", you're scattering your sexual attraction and attention. I once went through a brief lapse of judgment and registered for a dating website; I went on one date, and within 2 minutes the guy had told me that he was seeing 3 or 4 other women at once. I was so turned off that I spent the rest of the meal cringing and grinding my teeth, wondering that the hell I was doing there. I may not be great to everyone; but I'm awesome enough that I deserve to get your full attention. I hope everyone feels that way about themselves! If it doesn't work out, you're free to go try out someone else. In the meantime, let's YOU AND I try and develop something.But also, I'm French, and multiple dating really isn't part of our habits and customs. I was a bit floored when I first moved to the States and realized that it was pretty common. I find it disrespectful, and a bit gross.
karlotta karlotta 5 years
I'm with you, I can't date several people at once, and I feel that I am special enough that a guy should only be dating me, not group-testing me. Our life-span isn't short enough to warrant having to multiply dating partners in order to find love. I actually find that it prevents you from really engaging into one relationship - how can you not get emotionally and sexually confused? Even without actually having sex with multiple "dates", you're scattering your sexual attraction and attention. I once went through a brief lapse of judgment and registered for a dating website; I went on one date, and within 2 minutes the guy had told me that he was seeing 3 or 4 other women at once. I was so turned off that I spent the rest of the meal cringing and grinding my teeth, wondering that the hell I was doing there. I may not be great to everyone; but I'm awesome enough that I deserve to get your full attention. I hope everyone feels that way about themselves! If it doesn't work out, you're free to go try out someone else. In the meantime, let's YOU AND I try and develop something. But also, I'm French, and multiple dating really isn't part of our habits and customs. I was a bit floored when I first moved to the States and realized that it was pretty common. I find it disrespectful, and a bit gross.
xgreenfairyx xgreenfairyx 5 years
Easy; treat people like they have feelings, set rules, communicate often, work through/talk about jealousy. Of course, my partners know about each other, and I don't go 'hunting' for other relationships. If it happens, it happens. It's not a situation for everyone, in the casual sense, or for people like me, who want long-term relationships.
dancinlaughin01 dancinlaughin01 5 years
im in the same situation but i think this depends on what you define by dating. if it's just casual dating, where you just talk for a bit to get to know someone better, then that's fine. but to me, kissing and holding hands are an intimate things, so if I do these things when I'm dating, i expect this person not to see someone else.
onlysourcherry onlysourcherry 5 years
I'm with Rjs, I have dated more than one guy at once and I hated it. To me there's no fun in dating someone I'm not into and if I'm into someone it feels weird to date someone else. I call it being "naturally monogamous," and I don't think there's anything wrong with it. If you've tried it and it doesn't sit well with you or doesn't make you happy, then stop!
onlysourcherry onlysourcherry 5 years
I'm with Rjs, I have dated more than one guy at once and I hated it. To me there's no fun in dating someone I'm not into and if I'm into someone it feels weird to date someone else. I call it being "naturally monogamous," and I don't think there's anything wrong with it. If you've tried it and it doesn't sit well with you or doesn't make you happy, then stop!
Bailey-Bloom Bailey-Bloom 5 years
I agree with everyone. But I want to add, I think when a person dates multiple people, I think they just go on casual dates and don't see each other often. And if the person is dating multiple people and not deciding who he wants to be with after probably 2 months (I think that's enough time to decide), then he is probably just having his fun.
Raynne413 Raynne413 5 years
Before I met my boyfriend, I was dating multiple guys like some of the above posters. I ended up dating around 50-60 guys in a year. BUT, like kurnia stated, it was just dating. I didn't sleep with them. Dating is dating. A relationship is what involves sex, and commitment, at least for me.
Lucy-Hush Lucy-Hush 5 years
I was in a similar situation and what I learned was that I am someone who just happens to value monogamy. If you're into multiple partners, then by all means, that is fine - but it's also OK if you prefer a monogamous situation. I don't think your jealous, I just think you have different sets of values. There's nothing wrong with getting to know someone. I date, but I refrain from sexy time until exclusive terms are agreed apon. I don't force the issue on the guys I date, nor do I ask them not to hook up with other people. I just accept that things are what they are and if something is going to work out - it will.
Lucy-Hush Lucy-Hush 5 years
I was in a similar situation and what I learned was that I am someone who just happens to value monogamy. If you're into multiple partners, then by all means, that is fine - but it's also OK if you prefer a monogamous situation. I don't think your jealous, I just think you have different sets of values.There's nothing wrong with getting to know someone. I date, but I refrain from sexy time until exclusive terms are agreed apon. I don't force the issue on the guys I date, nor do I ask them not to hook up with other people. I just accept that things are what they are and if something is going to work out - it will.
kurniakasih kurniakasih 5 years
I have dated more than one guy at once. But I didn't have sex with any of them so that I don't get emotionally confused (I know myself to be attached emotionally once I have sex with someone), I only started to have sex after I chose 1 person out of the 3-4 guys (usually the one I had sex with was the one I ended up in a relationship--not just dating, and it's monogamous). Dating more than person didn't bother me and I've dated men who were dating other women (and some of them wouldn't mind sharing that he's sleeping w/ the other women). Dating is just having fun and basically like a selection process for me, so I try not to put too much pressure on it. Well, imho, usually you know straightaway the person you like the most from the start. But it's always good to just date others at the same time just to keep options open. But it's not for everyone, of course.
kurniakasih kurniakasih 5 years
I have dated more than one guy at once. But I didn't have sex with any of them so that I don't get emotionally confused (I know myself to be attached emotionally once I have sex with someone), I only started to have sex after I chose 1 person out of the 3-4 guys (usually the one I had sex with was the one I ended up in a relationship--not just dating, and it's monogamous). Dating more than person didn't bother me and I've dated men who were dating other women (and some of them wouldn't mind sharing that he's sleeping w/ the other women). Dating is just having fun and basically like a selection process for me, so I try not to put too much pressure on it.Well, imho, usually you know straightaway the person you like the most from the start. But it's always good to just date others at the same time just to keep options open. But it's not for everyone, of course.
Padawan-Pri Padawan-Pri 5 years
I totally agree with the above comment and have had an almost identical experience, it's VERY liberating. But definitely not for everyone.
Gawjuslayd Gawjuslayd 5 years
I was dating something like 7 guys at once before I met my current boyfriend. I would enter their emails and cell phone numbers with their names and a small description of them in the notes area. I was dating so frequent and talking to so many guys I had to keep track of them somehow. If you are emotionally capable of dating more than one guy at once, you may find it to be quite liberating!
Gawjuslayd Gawjuslayd 5 years
I was dating something like 7 guys at once before I met my current boyfriend. I would enter their emails and cell phone numbers with their names and a small description of them in the notes area. I was dating so frequent and talking to so many guys I had to keep track of them somehow. If you are emotionally capable of dating more than one guy at once, you may find it to be quite liberating!
Rjs-baby-girl Rjs-baby-girl 5 years
I can't really answer your question because I am totally like you. I was never able to date more than one people at a time, because for me even if it's only dating it still means that the person is important to me and worth my full attention. I've always been somewhat serious in love related matters, so if I dated someone it was in hope of it ending in a serious relationship. I don't think you should change your view about sex, because then you wouldn't be true to yourself and you'd try to be someone you are not. You should have sex when you want to with the person you want to, who cares if you are not a one night type of girl. As long as you respect yourself that's all that matters.The guy you met was probably not ready to be in a serious relationship, it comes later for some people, or never. We are all different. Some people can't commit in their 20's but will settle down in their 30's or 40's. Some other get engaged at 20. He just wasn't the right one for you, others will come, and you will meet your perfect someone. Just stay yourself :)
Rjs-baby-girl Rjs-baby-girl 5 years
I can't really answer your question because I am totally like you. I was never able to date more than one people at a time, because for me even if it's only dating it still means that the person is important to me and worth my full attention. I've always been somewhat serious in love related matters, so if I dated someone it was in hope of it ending in a serious relationship. I don't think you should change your view about sex, because then you wouldn't be true to yourself and you'd try to be someone you are not. You should have sex when you want to with the person you want to, who cares if you are not a one night type of girl. As long as you respect yourself that's all that matters. The guy you met was probably not ready to be in a serious relationship, it comes later for some people, or never. We are all different. Some people can't commit in their 20's but will settle down in their 30's or 40's. Some other get engaged at 20. He just wasn't the right one for you, others will come, and you will meet your perfect someone. Just stay yourself :)
Pistil Pistil 5 years
You just have to know what you want, and it sounds like you're looking for something exclusive eventually, right? There's nothing wrong with dating one guy at a time. In fact, one is usually trouble enough, clearly. Two months is definitely not long term, but it should be enough time to decide: I like this guy and want to develop the relationship further; I'm wasting my time; I'm having fun (safely) and that's all I ever wanted out of it. What do you want? And is it compatible with what he wants?
Pistil Pistil 5 years
You just have to know what you want, and it sounds like you're looking for something exclusive eventually, right? There's nothing wrong with dating one guy at a time. In fact, one is usually trouble enough, clearly. Two months is definitely not long term, but it should be enough time to decide: I like this guy and want to develop the relationship further; I'm wasting my time; I'm having fun (safely) and that's all I ever wanted out of it. What do you want? And is it compatible with what he wants?
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