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How to Determine You're In a Relationship

Group Therapy: We Need to Have "The Talk"

This question comes from a Group Therapy post in our TrèsSugar Community. Add your advice in the comments!

Hi everyone,

I've been dating this guy for about 6/7 months now, and we have established we are exclusive. However, I've got to that point where I need to know if we are actually in a relationship now, or if there is any potential.

We see each other once or twice a week, and speak on the phone everyday and before bed. Does this say something? However, neither of us have brought up our status. When we spend time together, we have playful fights and things, but we never "act" like we're a couple, i.e. hold hands, kiss etc.

I know he's had bad experinces in the past, so this could be an issue. I just wanted some advice as to how I could bring this topic up with him, without sounding too pushy. Thanks.

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Join The Conversation
birdylan birdylan 5 years
I've been in this same situation and find this particular topic very intriguing. I say definitely have "the talk" I did, and not only did it fully establish the relationship, but it took so much stress and wonder off my back. Do it, and let us know how it goes!
Bailey-Bloom Bailey-Bloom 5 years
Oh c'mon just ask him and update us :o) ! No use in analyzing when you only know the truth by asking him. Just ask if he is interested in being in a relationship because you are unsure. Hopefully you guys are on the same page. Good luck!
zabrow zabrow 5 years
i'm just as confused as everyone else... so no physical affection AT ALL? not just no PDA? if that's not the case, then yeah, being exclusive with each other means you're already in a relationship. he's your boyfriend. it sounds like you already had "the talk"... but i would be worried about you guys not meeting each others friends at this point. i feel like there's a lot more going on here that needs to be fixed rather than just not having the "are we bf/gf" talk.
kurniakasih kurniakasih 5 years
wait, I thought you guys just don't do the pda thing. But you guys don't even kiss/hug/hold hands....for the last 6 months? Is this a long-distance-relationship? How old are you guys again?
snarkypants snarkypants 5 years
not to be harsh, but i'm not even sure if you're even dating each other! does he think you're dating him? what do you do when you're together other than flirt? it really sounds like you just have a boy friend. not a boyfriend. but i very well could be wrong. you must have the talk.
Bailey-Bloom Bailey-Bloom 5 years
Definitely have the talk. You guys are long over due for this conversation.
jazzytummy jazzytummy 5 years
How can you be dating if you have no physicality in your relationship? It sounds like you are just buddies to me. If guys are into girls, they are usually all over them physically, so I'm not quite sure what this relationship really is.....it doesn't sound like you are either. Time for a talk.
HollyJRockNRoll HollyJRockNRoll 5 years
If your exclusive doesn't that mean he's your boyfriend?? Just ask.
Helen-Danger Helen-Danger 5 years
No, he isn't serious--yet. Give it time. He may just be a slow mover. But if you just can't take it and you need a boyfriend asap, tell him you can't waste any more time dating him exclusively. He can stay in your dating rotation, but you are ultimately looking for a man who will offer you something a bit more stable and serious.
JoeTyndall JoeTyndall 5 years
Anon85, You need to be direct. Tell him, "Let's be boyfriend anf girlfriend." See what he says.
Janine22 Janine22 5 years
If you never act like a couple, never kiss, hold hands or anything at all ever, then I would say that you are just friends. Couples kiss each other and hug, and make out at least. I am confused when you say that you are exclusively dating but do not do anything physical, even kiss. That makes no sense to me, I don't understand it.
kurniakasih kurniakasih 5 years
PDA: Public Display of Affection Well, unless he's supremely not close with his family/friends/co-workers, or not hang out with them at all, I'd have to say that he should have brought up the possibility of you meeting them (and vice versa). It's odd that after 6 months of exclusive dating, he hasn't even made any arrangement to start and include you (gradually) in his social circle. It could start to be something really simple, hey, so-and-so is having a BBQ this weekend, I'd like for you to come join me==that's how you word it. Or do a test on him, ask him to join you and your friends for...dinner/lunch/BBQ. Make an appointment for him to go and then casually mention that you'd like your friends to meet him, your bf...oooh is that too forward? Watch if he fled or what. Forget that if you don't feel like it. It seems that you've hit a status quo that's why you're starting to wonder. I've been in that situation before. He seems content to fit you in an exclusive dating thing without the title, you mean? After 6-7 months, I'd ask him about it. One night when you guys are together, just ask him bluntly, are you my bf? Or are we bf/gf? After 6 months of exclusive dating, I think it's ok to ask that esp. if that bugged you so much. Or some other posters can suggest to you better on how to start that convo. Yes, I'm pretty straightforward and I usually got direct answers too in the past, or vague one--which usually I put in the 'nay' category. :) If he ended up 'breaking it off' with you, then you know he never really wanted to be in a bf-gf/potential relationship with you anyway.
anon85 anon85 5 years
No, he's told me about them and shown me pics, but not mentioned meeting them or anything. And neither have I, although I'd like to. Do you think it's a good idea to bring it up and ask him what he exactly thinks of 'us'? If so, any godd ideas on how to word it! p.s.I maybe being stupid, but what does PDA stand for?!!
kurniakasih kurniakasih 5 years
Exclusively dating, yah, I'd say you're in a monogamous relationship. Maybe he's just not that into PDA or trying to slow it down or not quite ready to call you his gf yet. I'd have assumed you're his gf by now if you aren't seeing anyone else. Has he introduced you to his 'circle?' (i.e. friends, familiy, or co-workers) And vice versa?
Raynne413 Raynne413 5 years
Exclusively dating signifies a relationship because you have agreed that you don't want, and aren't going, to date other people. If you're JUST dating, then you're free to see other people, showing that you AREN'T in a relationship.
anon85 anon85 5 years
thanks for your comment. We are established that we are exclusively dating!! is there a difference?!
Raynne413 Raynne413 5 years
I would think if you established that you are exclusive, then that establishes that you are in a relationship. That is usually what being exclusive means.
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