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How Do I Deal With My Sister's Boyfriend Always at Our Home?

You Asked: Why Is He Always Here?

Dear Sugar,

I live with my sister. She has a boyfriend, and they've been together for almost a year. At first, she would go stay at his house and he would come stay at ours on limited occasions, but now he comes over almost daily. Instead of leaving in the morning like he used to, he's been hanging around until mid-afternoon. When we first moved in together, I had no idea that I'd have two roommates, and truth be told, I'm sick of it! He eats our food, uses our bathroom, and they are always all over each other and he just takes up way too much space. Do you have any suggestions to help me deal with this situation? — Needing Space Stacia

To see DearSugar's answer

Dear Needing Space Stacia,

Since I live alone, I can only imagine how frustrating it must be to have an unwelcome third party always in your personal space. Have you talked to your sister about your annoyance? Even though your roommate is your sister, she still needs to respect your needs.

Try sitting her down to set up some apartment ground rules. Let her know that this is your home too and that it isn't fair to you to have someone constantly around when you don't necessarily want him there. Since her boyfriend has a place of his own, suggest they stay at his house a few nights a week. Also, if he's taking up bathroom time in the mornings, ask her to have him get ready for his day at his own home so you don't have to be put out. I advise you not to come off angry or bitter, as that will only create drama in the house. Approach the situation with diplomacy and she'll be more willing to accommodate you. Good luck!

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Redhot44 Redhot44 8 years
have you tried talking to your sister?i can imagine that might create some conflict, since its her boyfreind,but try expressing your thoughts.
giveveesomesugar giveveesomesugar 8 years
Why dont you go find another apartment for yourself, it's inevitable that they will move in together and you'll have to go find a place anyway. It's just time.
ninjastarlett ninjastarlett 8 years
second the "get your own place" idea, granted you can afford it
BRANDYNICOLE730 BRANDYNICOLE730 8 years
If you don't want to deal with the drama and dilemas that come with a roommate, it's as simple as you not having a roommate.
sarah_bellum sarah_bellum 8 years
I think the people who are calling the OP jealous might be guilty of letting a boyfriend do the same things that she's complaining about. ;)Seriously, it's self-centered of you to think that just because you share rent with someone that they should have to put up with EVERY aspect of your life, especially when it involves interjecting another person into your home. Why should she have to feel uncomfortable in her own house and put up with it when her sister is the one changing the status quo of their living arrangements?
sarah_bellum sarah_bellum 8 years
I think the people who are calling the OP jealous might be guilty of letting a boyfriend do the same things that she's complaining about. ;) Seriously, it's self-centered of you to think that just because you share rent with someone that they should have to put up with EVERY aspect of your life, especially when it involves interjecting another person into your home. Why should she have to feel uncomfortable in her own house and put up with it when her sister is the one changing the status quo of their living arrangements?
Asia84 Asia84 8 years
how do we know the poster DOESN'T have a boyfriend???and who the hell is jealous over something like that???i don't know about y'all, but i wouldn't be. that's SOO high school. i mean, really.
Asia84 Asia84 8 years
how do we know the poster DOESN'T have a boyfriend??? and who the hell is jealous over something like that??? i don't know about y'all, but i wouldn't be. that's SOO high school. i mean, really.
reeeeka reeeeka 8 years
This doesn't seem like an issue of space/him eating your food or just being around. It seems like you're jealous that she has someone and you don't. I'm not trying to be mean but maybe you should get your own place if it bothers you that much OR just suck it up and act like an adult. I'm sure if you had your own boyfriend you wouldn't really care what your sister and her boyfriend were doing.
reeeeka reeeeka 8 years
This doesn't seem like an issue of space/him eating your food or just being around. It seems like you're jealous that she has someone and you don't. I'm not trying to be mean but maybe you should get your own place if it bothers you that much OR just suck it up and act like an adult.I'm sure if you had your own boyfriend you wouldn't really care what your sister and her boyfriend were doing.
Random2 Random2 8 years
You really need to talk to your sister. Try to work something out so that you're not constantly in each other's hair. Ask her to try to spend more time in her room instead of communal areas, and start having separate shelves for food, buy your own and have her do the same, it saves on fights in the long run. That way, it's her food her boyfriend is eating, not yours. And hint that maybe he should splurge on supper for you two once in a while, or bring over some food that everyone can share instead of him always eating yours. I'm in sort of a similar situation with my boyfriend. He shares a house with three guys (a fourth is moving in shortly), and they all have girlfriends. Luckily, we all get along. I'm there quite a bit, but my guy and I usually vacate to other ares of the house so we're not constantly underfoot of everyone else there and I bring food for everyone every once in a while. My guy and his room mates also all buy their own food, so that isn't really an issue. They share some stuff, but it's replaced or the person who bought it is paid back.
Random2 Random2 8 years
You really need to talk to your sister. Try to work something out so that you're not constantly in each other's hair. Ask her to try to spend more time in her room instead of communal areas, and start having separate shelves for food, buy your own and have her do the same, it saves on fights in the long run. That way, it's her food her boyfriend is eating, not yours. And hint that maybe he should splurge on supper for you two once in a while, or bring over some food that everyone can share instead of him always eating yours.I'm in sort of a similar situation with my boyfriend. He shares a house with three guys (a fourth is moving in shortly), and they all have girlfriends. Luckily, we all get along. I'm there quite a bit, but my guy and I usually vacate to other ares of the house so we're not constantly underfoot of everyone else there and I bring food for everyone every once in a while. My guy and his room mates also all buy their own food, so that isn't really an issue. They share some stuff, but it's replaced or the person who bought it is paid back.
red4bonez red4bonez 8 years
well I think you need to talk to your sister. Maybe to your sister and maybe to both of them because you live in the apartment too and i mean it is definatelly not fair to you. they need to respect you and you need to tell them that whatever they r doing is disrespectful to you and annoying and you didn't sign up for living with your sister and her boyfriend only with your sister. good luck but you need to talk to them !!!
RockAndRepublic RockAndRepublic 8 years
Glutton for pain I would love to hear more of these stories. I swear im fascinated. Please continue.
RockAndRepublic RockAndRepublic 8 years
<b>Glutton for pain</b> I would love to hear more of these stories. I swear im fascinated. Please continue.
Brooklynbee Brooklynbee 8 years
Asia84, you must not live in NY if you don't believe in roommates and can afford a townhouse (or, you live in NY and you're a multi-millionaire). ;) I've been through a similar situation w/ roommates & their boyfriends before. One roomie had a bf who was always over and the last straw was when I was watching tv, he picked up the remote and changed the channel because he wanted to watch a baseball game. Well, at that point I just lost it and I yelled,"I am watching MY tv in MY apartment and if you want to watch something else you can GO HOME or go to the SPORTS BAR ONE BLOCK AWAY." It wasn't the best way to communicate, but he got the message after that.
Brooklynbee Brooklynbee 8 years
Asia84, you must not live in NY if you don't believe in roommates and can afford a townhouse (or, you live in NY and you're a multi-millionaire). ;)I've been through a similar situation w/ roommates & their boyfriends before. One roomie had a bf who was always over and the last straw was when I was watching tv, he picked up the remote and changed the channel because he wanted to watch a baseball game. Well, at that point I just lost it and I yelled,"I am watching MY tv in MY apartment and if you want to watch something else you can GO HOME or go to the SPORTS BAR ONE BLOCK AWAY." It wasn't the best way to communicate, but he got the message after that.
RockAndRepublic RockAndRepublic 8 years
Stick to your guns, Asia. Anyway, talk to your sister. This totally does make me ambivalent about living with a roommate. No one wants to be made uncomfortable in their own space.
RockAndRepublic RockAndRepublic 8 years
Stick to your guns, Asia.Anyway, talk to your sister. This totally does make me ambivalent about living with a roommate. No one wants to be made uncomfortable in their own space.
Marci Marci 8 years
I don't think you sound jealous, either. You just sound like someone who would like to go home and not have a third person person there all the time. That's valid.Dear makes good suggestions here, and I am totally with Asia on this subject. This is one of the reasons I never had a roommate. I didn't want to deal with any of this stuff and was willing to live in smaller space that I could afford if that was what it took to have my own place.
Marci Marci 8 years
I don't think you sound jealous, either. You just sound like someone who would like to go home and not have a third person person there all the time. That's valid. Dear makes good suggestions here, and I am totally with Asia on this subject. This is one of the reasons I never had a roommate. I didn't want to deal with any of this stuff and was willing to live in smaller space that I could afford if that was what it took to have my own place.
Asia84 Asia84 8 years
i'm looking into buying this townhouse, and my big mouth mom told my brother (30).and he's been begging that we live with each other. i tell him that i don't do the rommie thing.he goes, "aww, com on Bighead (that's what he calls me) we can do it REAL BIG. i'll pay you like $800 in rent a month. it will be cool!"i'm like, the mortgage will be $2,800, plus utilities (i'm basically paying that now where i live). $800 won't even cover utitlities!plus, i don't want no chicken-headed girls (my brother's favorite) walking around MY house, and sitting on MY toilets (ok, i'm a bit of a germaphobe).my brother will eat up all my food, and not handle his business. so, that with my no rommie policy, means not no, but HELL NO!
Asia84 Asia84 8 years
i'm looking into buying this townhouse, and my big mouth mom told my brother (30). and he's been begging that we live with each other. i tell him that i don't do the rommie thing. he goes, "aww, com on Bighead (that's what he calls me) we can do it REAL BIG. i'll pay you like $800 in rent a month. it will be cool!" i'm like, the mortgage will be $2,800, plus utilities (i'm basically paying that now where i live). $800 won't even cover utitlities! plus, i don't want no chicken-headed girls (my brother's favorite) walking around MY house, and sitting on MY toilets (ok, i'm a bit of a germaphobe). my brother will eat up all my food, and not handle his business. so, that with my no rommie policy, means not no, but HELL NO!
Asia84 Asia84 8 years
This is why i don't believe in roommates! i don't think you're jealous. look, when you pay rent, and buy things for the house (and since you're sisters, alot of things are more communal than if your rommie was some chick you were cool with). i know that if i was buying toilet tissue, and folks was using it that i didn't plan on using it (toilet tissue AIN'T cheap!), that would piss me off. ya go in ya fridge and your apple sauce is gone! his a*s ate it! you had dreams of walking around naked, but no. that can't happen. see, you heard your sister leave this morning for work, but she left her boyfriend there to help himself to all the free amenities. who wouldn't be pissed?! i always say get your own place. i don't know where you live and how expensive things are. rent is crazy high here in Los Angeles. but even then, you can get you a studio apartment. it would be your own space, and you don't have to answer to nobody, and nobody has to answer to you. the place will be too small for free-loading friends to want to stay there, and you don't have to worry about walking in on anyone's make-out fest. good luck.
Asia84 Asia84 8 years
This is why i don't believe in roommates!i don't think you're jealous. look, when you pay rent, and buy things for the house (and since you're sisters, alot of things are more communal than if your rommie was some chick you were cool with).i know that if i was buying toilet tissue, and folks was using it that i didn't plan on using it (toilet tissue AIN'T cheap!), that would piss me off.ya go in ya fridge and your apple sauce is gone! his a*s ate it!you had dreams of walking around naked, but no. that can't happen.see, you heard your sister leave this morning for work, but she left her boyfriend there to help himself to all the free amenities.who wouldn't be pissed?!i always say get your own place. i don't know where you live and how expensive things are. rent is crazy high here in Los Angeles.but even then, you can get you a studio apartment. it would be your own space, and you don't have to answer to nobody, and nobody has to answer to you.the place will be too small for free-loading friends to want to stay there, and you don't have to worry about walking in on anyone's make-out fest.good luck.
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