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How Do I Be Single?

"Newly Single Girl — Where Do I Start?"

This question is from a Group Therapy post in our TrèsSugar Community. Add your advice in the comments!

My boyfriend just broke up with me a few days ago — we were together for two years. I don't know what to feel or think right now. I'm so hurt and angry with him. He still wants be my friend and keep me around, but I have never been the type of person to understand the purpose of being friends with an ex. None of these men out here seem to understand that; you want to keep her around to watch her every move. If you cared the way you claimed to, what makes you think there's any way in hell we should be friends? He broke my heart.

Every time I ever got out of a relationship, or stopped dating someone I would cut them off completely. And literally every single time these men would want to come back in my life. I know my worth and what a great girl I am, and man is a fool to let me go. There's not too many women out here like me, and I like to show my exes a lesson. I cut them off completely from my life so they can see life without me, and mess with these trashy girls out here to realize they were better off where they were. They think they can do better than me and they never do. No, the grass isn't greener on the other side. I just want to move on with my life without him. He has hurt me too much and I don't want to suffer anymore.

I'm tired of men taking me for granted when I'm with them and then they want me when I do my own thing. I just want to find the right guy. My ex thinks I'm a puppet and that I'll just stay around waiting for him forever. I'm not a doormat. How do I move on? Where do I start? I don't remember how to be single or even focus on me? I lost myself in the last two years with him. I feel like I have no identity.

Have a dilemma of your own? Post it anonymously in Group Therapy for advice, and check out what else is happening in the TrèsSugar Community.

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bluejay17 bluejay17 4 years
You started to move on in an awesome way, deciding to cut off every contact with your ex. That right there, shows a lot of character, and a high self esteem. It shows that you're in the right path. You just started focussing on yourself with that single action, in this situation you're the most important person, not this guy, who hurt you so much and let you down. There are going to be good days and bad days. I suggest you surround yourself with good friends and family, work out and find new things to do. This is going to be over soon, but it is a process, and you're the one who decides how long it last. Good luck on everything. Take care.
Bubbles12 Bubbles12 4 years
"I lost myself in the last 2 years with him. I feel like I have no identity." I know exactly what you mean. That happened to me and finding the answer changed my life forever. Your abandoning yourself is the guidepost to your path in finding the answer to why they dump you and come back. For whatever reason you abandon yourself and absorb his interests, activities -- which is going to make you less interesting to be with. It's most interesting and fun to be with someone who brings a whole life to the table. That also requires they continue to invest time and interest outside of the relationship to stay interesting (and happy really). So common for women. I'm going to give a standard answer but it's because the only way you're going to figure out why and how not to do this again: go into therapy and talk with good friends and family who've seen you become a guy's shadow. Ask them what they notice. Listen. There will always be another great guy. Go make yourself ready for it.
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