Recently I've been wondering if I am being silly by tying myself down to my current boyfriend. He is actually the first guy I've ever dated (we met in college) and we have been together for almost 5 years. We have been living together for that last 2 years. My boyfriend is smart, kind, and caring. However, I've recently had a hard time feeling the "spark" of attraction that I used to feel. However, while my attraction to my boyfriend seems to be fizzling, my attraction to other guys is not. I sometimes think about other cute guys that I know and then feel really terrible for doing so because of my boyfriend. I know I would feel devastated if the tables were turned . . . so I just feel like all of this is unfair to him, yet I don't know how to snap out of it.
Another part of the problem is my boyfriend's ambivalence about marriage. We are both young so I really don't want to pressure him, but we have had "the marriage talk" and he basically said that he doesn't believe in marriage and doesn't know if he wants to get married. I told him my side, which was that I was really not comfortable with just being a girlfriend forever. I personally feel that I would like to marry in the event that I meet a guy that I love and have a serious relationship. So we just kind of left things there — mostly because we just kept having the same conversation over and over again and getting no where.
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We haven't spoken about that in about 4 months, but I guess since that all happened I have been feeling like I should distance myself. Like I said, I am young, I am applying to grad school and will possibly have to move away. The original intention was to maintain a long distance relationship (we have talked about this) but I am wondering if this is reasonable. I guess I'm just having a hard time gauging my feelings becuase this is my first and only relationship and though I don't feel extremely passionate about my boyfriend at the moment, I still love him. Is this just a phase? Or is this a sign that my boyfriend is not the one for me?