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How to End Relationship With Co-Worker

Group Therapy: How to Get Out of Dipping Your Pen in Company Ink

This question is from a Group Therapy post in our TrèsSugar Community. Add your advice in the comments!

So, I know you're not supposed to "dip your pen in company ink" . . . however, I have been going out on various dates with a co-worker who works in a different department. But I do see him several times a day.

He's a little younger than me, I'm 26 and he is 23. He's very negative . . . if the conversation gets awkward he tells me that I'm a bad date and that he hates me. On one of our dates, we went to the mall and I missed a step on the stairs and so he tried to catch me, but tried to get a cheap feel on my breast while doing so. He compares me to other women he has been with, tells me I'm so "good for him" and keeps asking me if I'm a stalker . . . about five times a day, which includes texts and phone calls. We have only kissed, no make-out sessions and no sex, but he keeps suggesting dates and for us to pull over the car. He says that he has been with so many whores, so it's refreshing to hold out, but then again he is very touchy when we do kiss, and I'm beginning to feel super awkward about his physical advances.

What was the icing on the cake was last night, towards dinner when we were making fun of the terrible things we used to do when we were younger. So I told him that I went through a piercing phase and pierced my lip, eyebrow, and nose when I was 19 and that I used to go to all these clubs and dance in cages. I'm obviously older now, work in a professional place, and yes I go out with the girls, but I don't carry the same appearance (I'm a bit conservative now). He goes on to tell me that he wished we met back then because I was his type . . . and now I'm not.

There's been too many turn offs, and he was serious when he said and did all of the above. How do I end things without making it awkward at the office?

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pax4pax pax4pax 5 years
@Helen Danger gave you great tactics there. Move on them!
Helen-Danger Helen-Danger 5 years
He sounds like a nasty piece of work. If that's what he says to your face, imagine what he tells people behind your back! I'd be a bit wary of him since immature people like him can turn around suddenly and bite you just like a viper. I'd back out of the situation very carefully. Agree with him next time he says he's unattracted to you. Make a big deal of the age difference and tell him you agree you'd be better off as just friends. Then pretend to be his friend. sort of. Tell him you agree he needs to get out clubbing more where the young, pierced, hot girls hang out. Feed his ego in the direction you want him to go. Which is away, right? If he touches you, yell, "Ewwwwwwwwwwww! Dude, I think of you like a brother now. Yuckkkkkkkkkk!!! Don't grab my boob you perv!!" This makes him look like the freak he is. And he'll want to avoid looking like a loser in public. Keep an eye on him but stay too busy to interact often. Keep track of anything he does that could get him in serious trouble. Get proof whenever possible. That way you have ammunition against him if you ever need it. Perfect guy to make your frenemy.
Helen-Danger Helen-Danger 5 years
He sounds like a nasty piece of work. If that's what he says to your face, imagine what he tells people behind your back! I'd be a bit wary of him since immature people like him can turn around suddenly and bite you just like a viper. I'd back out of the situation very carefully. Agree with him next time he says he's unattracted to you. Make a big deal of the age difference and tell him you agree you'd be better off as just friends. Then pretend to be his friend. sort of. Tell him you agree he needs to get out clubbing more where the young, pierced, hot girls hang out. Feed his ego in the direction you want him to go. Which is away, right?If he touches you, yell, "Ewwwwwwwwwwww! Dude, I think of you like a brother now. Yuckkkkkkkkkk!!! Don't grab my boob you perv!!" This makes him look like the freak he is. And he'll want to avoid looking like a loser in public.Keep an eye on him but stay too busy to interact often. Keep track of anything he does that could get him in serious trouble. Get proof whenever possible. That way you have ammunition against him if you ever need it. Perfect guy to make your frenemy.
hypnoticmix hypnoticmix 5 years
First of all any man who relates to a women as you have described his behavior with you has interpersonal dysfunctions that you don't want to touch with a ten foot poll. From what I read here he seems to be narcissistic, willing to put you down yet keep you around because it serves him. Well screw his wants/needs, what about yours? For all intents and purposes he does nothing for you. With his behavior he's spoiled any chance at a viable relationship or platonic friendship with his careless comments. Any awkwardness you may be worried about as a result of ending further social activity with him is obscenely insignificant compared to the awkwardness you will feel if you allow it to drag out and allow him to think that he is still free to engage you socially. If I were in your shoes I would simply say, l appreciate that we both took a chance on this but it's just not working out for me. Since he means nothing to you and you're not falling for him it should be very easy for you to approach him with pragmatism about the situation without being befuddled with emotions over it.
hypnoticmix hypnoticmix 5 years
First of all any man who relates to a women as you have described his behavior with you has interpersonal dysfunctions that you don't want to touch with a ten foot poll. From what I read here he seems to be narcissistic, willing to put you down yet keep you around because it serves him. Well screw his wants/needs, what about yours? For all intents and purposes he does nothing for you. With his behavior he's spoiled any chance at a viable relationship or platonic friendship with his careless comments. Any awkwardness you may be worried about as a result of ending further social activity with him is obscenely insignificant compared to the awkwardness you will feel if you allow it to drag out and allow him to think that he is still free to engage you socially. If I were in your shoes I would simply say, l appreciate that we both took a chance on this but it's just not working out for me. Since he means nothing to you and you're not falling for him it should be very easy for you to approach him with pragmatism about the situation without being befuddled with emotions over it.
Sandle Sandle 5 years
Lord, it sounds like you have a class-a douche on your hands. Like others have suggested a clean break is the best. A quick phone call and that's it, then delete him from your phone, facebook etc. Forget about being friends and chalk up the experience to a life lesson.
jazzytummy jazzytummy 5 years
I don't even want to know how much time you wasted on this douche. Just be up front and cordially say you no longer want to see him. If he has a fit, turn and walk away. Keep your cool. You owe him NO explanation. Just tell him it's over and stop texting and calling. Whatever you do, do not let this affect your work, or that will be trouble. If he chooses to be difficult, you may have to let him know that you will not tolerate harassment. Sometimes just saying the "h" word will make people back off. Use the time away to ask yourself why you would let some asshole treat you the way he did. To me, that is your bigger issue, agree with Betty Wayne on that one.
jazzytummy jazzytummy 5 years
I don't even want to know how much time you wasted on this douche.Just be up front and cordially say you no longer want to see him. If he has a fit, turn and walk away. Keep your cool. You owe him NO explanation. Just tell him it's over and stop texting and calling. Whatever you do, do not let this affect your work, or that will be trouble.If he chooses to be difficult, you may have to let him know that you will not tolerate harassment. Sometimes just saying the "h" word will make people back off. Use the time away to ask yourself why you would let some asshole treat you the way he did. To me, that is your bigger issue, agree with Betty Wayne on that one.
GTCB GTCB 5 years
Why are women not all over this guy? As for your workplace dilemma, you're in a really awkward situation. Your options range from just completely ignoring him, to telling him off, to hooking up with someone else at work, to getting another job. Good luck with your choice.
GTCB GTCB 5 years
Why are women not all over this guy?As for your workplace dilemma, you're in a really awkward situation. Your options range from just completely ignoring him, to telling him off, to hooking up with someone else at work, to getting another job. Good luck with your choice.
onlysourcherry onlysourcherry 5 years
"if the conversation gets awkward he tells me that I'm a bad date and that he hates me. " Wow, this guy sounds amazing. So he's single now? Ladies, watch out!
onlysourcherry onlysourcherry 5 years
"if the conversation gets awkward he tells me that I'm a bad date and that he hates me. "Wow, this guy sounds amazing. So he's single now? Ladies, watch out!
tigrelis28 tigrelis28 5 years
it think its better to just tell him you're not feeling the chemistry between the two of you anymore and think its best to go your separate ways. If he keeps bothering you just ignore his texts/emails/phone calls and just keep a low profile for a few weeks
Bettye-Wayne Bettye-Wayne 5 years
You haven't dipped your pen yet, just tell him you don't want to go on anymore dates. I have to respectfully disagree goodguy, "Also if you have to go out with him while this peters out..." There's no *if*. Done is done, if he gets weird about it talk to your supervisor or HR.Why did you agree to another date after the first time he told you he hates you? I think there are bigger issues going on here than potential work drama. Most women would have walked out right then and never looked back.
Bettye-Wayne Bettye-Wayne 5 years
You haven't dipped your pen yet, just tell him you don't want to go on anymore dates. I have to respectfully disagree goodguy, "Also if you have to go out with him while this peters out..." There's no *if*. Done is done, if he gets weird about it talk to your supervisor or HR. Why did you agree to another date after the first time he told you he hates you? I think there are bigger issues going on here than potential work drama. Most women would have walked out right then and never looked back.
goodguywannabe goodguywannabe 5 years
Yeah he sounds like he'd bring anyone down, just that level of negativety is hard to handle for anyone.He also doesn't seem to realise that he is being very personally critical and that this is hurtful and not on. Almost like he doesn't care how the things he feels like saying sound to the other person.He needs to grow-up a big amount.I think bail, you seem to be thinking all these lines also. I guess keeping things short, not commiting to very much, may be only answering texts, they're short and he can't dump so much of his junk on you there. Also if you have to go out with him while this peters out, maybe the movies as then you don't have to talk to him much. Meet just before the movie and have a reason to get going shortly after it endsBut get yourself out of being around this guy too much, he doesn't seem interested in being very supportive of your choices, style, etc, that's all a bit nasty
goodguywannabe goodguywannabe 5 years
Yeah he sounds like he'd bring anyone down, just that level of negativety is hard to handle for anyone. He also doesn't seem to realise that he is being very personally critical and that this is hurtful and not on. Almost like he doesn't care how the things he feels like saying sound to the other person. He needs to grow-up a big amount. I think bail, you seem to be thinking all these lines also. I guess keeping things short, not commiting to very much, may be only answering texts, they're short and he can't dump so much of his junk on you there. Also if you have to go out with him while this peters out, maybe the movies as then you don't have to talk to him much. Meet just before the movie and have a reason to get going shortly after it ends But get yourself out of being around this guy too much, he doesn't seem interested in being very supportive of your choices, style, etc, that's all a bit nasty
popgoestheworld popgoestheworld 5 years
It hasn't been going on too long so it hopefully won't be too bad to put an end to it. I think you need to just be nice and respectful, and keep it short. Don't let him drag you into a long conversation about anything.
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