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How to Find a Good Guy

How to Find Guys Into Your Brains Over Beauty

We had a reader with a dilemma: how do you find a guy that's interested in what's within more than getting in your pants? You all offered some great advice on the site and on Facebook, so we thought we'd pull some of your tips for gals on the hunt for a quality fella (we especially loved that some of our guy readers chimed in!). Here are eight ways to snag a good man.

  • "From a guy's perspective, she has to realize that looks are the first attraction. I'm sure it's tough to spend enough time with someone so they can get to know the real you. Just be yourself and someone will find what's inside can be more attractive than the outside." — Russell
  • "Here's a hint: start the intelligent conversations quickly after meeting a man that you think may just be trying to get in your pants. If he only has that in mind, he will have no patience for hearing about what you took away from 'The Odyssey' or Carl Sagan's 'Cosmos.' If he cares enough to stick around long enough to hear you out or even enjoys those similar things he may be worth getting to know a bit better." — manekineko88
  • "It's all marketing. Position yourself where the attributes you wish to display will be shown to their full potential. You want to be known for your mind, take a serious class in something in which you have an interest, professional or otherwise. If you love classical music, attend the opera or symphonies in town. Go to the pre-show discussions and participate. The only other people in these venues are the ones that have the same affinity as you." — GregS
  • "I would recommend holding out for a while with guys. The ones after your ass won't stick around, but the ones who like you for you probably will." — popgoestheworld
  • "You don't have to give every guy a chance. You'll start to pick up on who's feeding you lines, 'nice eyes,' and who's genuinely interested." — Pistil
  • "Instead, show more confidence. Assume every guy who approaches you wants to get to know you. Those who don't will get confused and leave." — Helen Danger
  • "I would suggest becoming friends first before going out on a date. Dating people you don't know seems like a waste of time since all they'll do is lie to you." — Anonymous
  • "Initially most guys do want to bang-they're hardwired that way. It's the interesting women with a lot to say that keep them coming back for more. It sounds cliché but personality really does count . . . Be less conscious of your looks, focus on them less and the guys that will truly like you for you, will also. It does not mean they won't appreciate that you're pretty but they'll appreciate other things about you too." — searching soul

Photo by Shannon Nicole Smith Photography via Ruffled

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RoaringSilence RoaringSilence 5 years
There's a lot YOU can do. Like paying attention to who actually remembers things you said, and things like that. Stick with the people who initiate actual conversations with you and compliment you on things like your taste in literature.
snarkypants snarkypants 5 years
i'm not so sure about the intelligent conversation tip...if somebody's like "hey, how's it going?" and you start spouting off your literature knowledge or something like that, he might think you're a pretentious twit. intellectual conversations have a time and place. i prefer greg and helen's advice.
snarkypants snarkypants 5 years
i'm not so sure about the intelligent conversation tip...if somebody's like "hey, how's it going?" and you start spouting off your literature knowledge or something like that, he might think you're a pretentious twit. intellectual conversations have a time and place. i prefer greg and helen's advice.
Annie-Gabillet Annie-Gabillet 5 years
I'm so impressed with everyone's tips, too. I think manekineko88 is on to something. If you start an intelligent conversation, you'll weed out the guys who aren't looking for that.
Angelica-Marden Angelica-Marden 5 years
These are great tips! Love your take, Helen Danger! It's all about the attitude you cultivate as you get to know one another.
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