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How Long Should I Wait to Date After Breakup?

Group Therapy: From the Ex to the Next in One Week

This question comes from a Group Therapy post in our TrèsSugar Community. Add your advice in the comments!

I have been single for about a week and half from a 5 year, on-and-off relationship. My exboyfriend decided that he did not want to be in a relationship that he is too young to be settled right now, so he left and he is doing his own thing.

It hurt me since we have been together for a long time but it is not the first time. I had a hard time dealing with it for the first few days but I'm better as time passes. I miss him a lot and I am still in love with him but he did not know how to treat me and I deserve better.

Anyways I meet this guy through Facebook, he used to go to my high school and requested me and I added him. He said hi through a post, I replied, and we had a great conversation about basketball, which both of us are extremely passionate about. He gave me his number and we have been texting back and forth for the past 3 days, but today he didn't text me and I will not chase him, though he seems to be a wonderful guy.

I am still in the recovering stage and I should be giving myself time but he has made it easier for me. I don't know what I want and I don't know what he is going to mean to me in my life. Should I continue talking to him if he texts me back?

Have a dilemma of your own? Post it, anonymously, to Group Therapy for advice, and check out what else is happening in the TrèsSugar Community.


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wolfpackgal wolfpackgal 5 years
Honestly, it could help you to talk to this new guy. Just don't expect him to be there until you get over your ex. My boyfriend and I just broke up after almost 2 years (I did it), and I've been finding that flirting with my guy friend has helped. We are texting each other quite a bit, but if he doesn't text me one day, I don't text him. I try not to get too emotionally invested, since it's just flirting, but it has helped me to not focus so much on the negative situation in my life! Now is a good time to do something for yourself, and surround yourself with good friends! Good luck!
soulsearcher83 soulsearcher83 5 years
It's only been a week and a half, and since you dated the guy for 5 years, I think you should take a break. If he texts, fine, if not, so what. Don't microanalyze every move a guy makes. They aren't doing it about you and it's fruitless. Just relax, enjoy being single and flirting with other guys, beyond this one guy. And give yourself some time after your breakup. Hopefully after some time, you will see why your past relationship had to end and how much of a blessing it really is.
jiveleigh jiveleigh 5 years
First of all, don't worry about him not texting you today. Listen to your own words - that you don't know what you want and what he will mean in your life - and simply go with the flow. If you find yourself obsessing over him (worrying too much about why he hasn't responded, etc) then maybe it's a sign that you need some time to develop your own independence before jumping into something new. On the other hand, if you find you're feeling good about yourself and confident in the way things are headed with him, give it a shot! Good luck with it.
danakscully64 danakscully64 5 years
I tried doing the same thing, started talking to someone shortly after my breakup and we seemed like a match. We met and he was nothing like I thought he was going to be. He leaned in to kiss me and I rejected him. All of my breakup emotions flooded back and I was sick to my stomach for over a week. Take it slow, there's no reason to jump into anything quick. I suggest being friends and once you heal from your breakup, when you're more clear headed, you can assess the situation better :)
jazzytummy jazzytummy 5 years
You obviously aren't ready and I would just chill. If he continues to stay in contact, fine, but I would try not to focus on men for awhile, concentrate on yourself. I personally don't think rebound relationships are healthy for either party, but that is just me.
Natalie-Love Natalie-Love 5 years
Strangely enough, I got into a serious relationship a few days after breaking up with my boyfriend of 3.5 years. Well, I wasn't sad at all about the breakup, I was actually just so relieved and happy (I've wanted to do it for a long time but kept chickening out). And in my new attitude, I befriended a guy I ended up in a relationship with! Still with him & it's oddly the best relationship I've been in. Maybe I was into him because he is the extreme opposite of my ex. So I'm just sayyying, good things can come out of anything, don't throw your heart at him right away, especially if you're doing it from pain, just wait it out, and it might work out, it might not; but then, it will work out with someone else. Try to focus on your happiness right now.
dexaholic dexaholic 5 years
People talk about rebounds for a reason; they take our mind off our failed relationship and allow us to have a little fun instead of wallowing in our grief. Use this as what it is - a rebound. Have fun flirting but don't get serious.
MySecondLife MySecondLife 5 years
I agree with comment #1. Too often, women (especially younger women) over - think a situation. "We" tend to analyze every action or inaction, and quite frankly, we are often wrong. That this guy didn't text "one day" means nothing other than something benign. You're not in a relationship with him, he's clearly NOT all-encompassed by you (which is a GOOD thing, believe it or not), and he has a life beyond his renewed friendship with you. Stop thinking. Start living. Take life as it comes without trying to direct it. Enjoy the moments without concern for the future (in your social life, I mean). You definitely should not get back into a committed relationship yet; you've not had time to recover from the last one and get comfortable in your own shoes again. But there's nothing wrong with establishing new friendships and seeing where life takes you.
Venus1 Venus1 5 years
Seek and ye shall find! Go for it and see what happens but be prepared for things not to work ou just in case. Good luck.
Helen-Danger Helen-Danger 5 years
Dude might be busy. Give him air. Don't text him just because you didn't hear from him. Live your life. If you try to use him as a crutch to help you with your breakup, you'll be disappointed. He barely even knows you. He can only go on what he sees now. And right now, if you're like most people, you're a little fragile because you just broke up. Playing the dating game might be premature. I suggest keeping things very casual. Use him for flirt practice when he's around, and when he's not, forget he exists.
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