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How Long Would You Stay In A Relationship Without A Commitment?

Cameron Diaz and Justin Timberlake are the poster couple for this question. Cammie definitely sticks around a little too long with her lovers for my liking, but maybe she's just afraid to tie the knot.

As we all know, divorce is unfortunately very common these days and is most always very messy. I was just reading in the New York Times the other day that married couples are currently in the minority of the adult population. How long would you date someone without a commitment?

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kittycat kittycat 9 years
dating around has never been my thing. but i did date guys in high school who i knew i wouldnt marry. maybe thats the process of growing up and finding out what features u desire in ur man. well i got my significant other now. we're not married yet. we're still young. even though he's ready, i have mixed feelings. so we just wait....til am comfortable...maybe in 2 years or so. no need to rush. love takes time!
crazylady crazylady 9 years
E Dubs - you make some great points and counter points in a great way. Informative without getting nasty which is really rare! I'd debate with you any time! You made me think quite a bit so if anyone saw unexplained smoke that was coming from me thinking too hard.... I still believe that marriage is more than a piece of paper and am so saddened to see so many couples not taking it seriously and not respecting the covenant that it was intended to be. I agree with Tox in looking at it from the Biblical perspective rather than what governments have turned it into. I believe it is a joining of lives forever and the Bible states the only reasons for divorce are in the cases of abuse, infidelity or marrying someone who is not a Christian. I know that there are other understandable reasons for divorce but "irreconcilable differences" really isn't one of them......reconcile the differences before getting married and make the choice prayerfully.
katie225 katie225 9 years
i know that i'm committed to my significant other, i know that he is committed to me. a piece of paper is neither going to make me feel more secure nor make me love him more! that being said, if he proposed, i'd say yes and we'd have a party. but if he never asks, i'm satisfied with my relationship and don't NEED anything to remind me.
lilxmissxmolly lilxmissxmolly 9 years
In my personal opinion, marriage is much more than a peice of paper or a tax benefit. Marriage to me is forever, through thick and thin. In my opinion, what's happened is that people who rush into marriage and then jump right back out have tarnished its reputation. That's just my opinion. ~* “I think the thing to do is to enjoy the ride while you're on it.” -Johnny Depp *~
Bunbunhun Bunbunhun 9 years
I just thinks it's a bit foolish when people rush into marriage after only a few months or a year. (I know this from experience, sadly.) If you're both certain this is the love of your life, it shouldn't matter if you wait a year or so before taking the big plunge, especially when you are young. It wasn't so long ago that courtship lasted a year or more, and then a year engagement after that - plenty of time to really get to know someone.
SugarCane SugarCane 9 years
Cuba, you made a very good point; a couple can make the "legal arrangements", in lue of getting married. I feel "mature couples", who don't wish to marry do make the proper legal arrangements...however, most couples don't make any legal arrangements.
Kstar Kstar 9 years
This is an interesting topic and one that clearly people feel very stronly about...I do agree with Valeri and others who say no it is not just a piece of paper but a life choice. That is a beautiful idea and one worth upholding. That being said however, i myself am currently in an extremely committed relationship with no intention or desire to be married any time soon. My boyfriend was in a committed relationship for ten years, married for five. After seven years his wife got the itch and began a rampant two year affair. Now, here is a man who took that oath in ernest, he made that life choice, unfortunately his spouse didn't feel the same way and he was completely devestated and shattered. So no matter how much some people insist that no "it is not just a piece of paper" the fact remains that we're all human beings, susceptible to human nature and desires and no matter how well intentioned and committed your partner maybe and no matter how big the ceremeny, how lovely the "piece of paper" or how devoted you are to each other, the bottom line is there is never any real guarantee. We can all have the rug pulled out from under us quickly and brutally regardless of marriage, condo's, pets or how many children are involved. The best one can do is hold yourself to the highest standards and hope for the best. Grim but true.
kh61582 kh61582 9 years
I would say two years. Maybe four if I really didn't want to risk loosing the guy and he wasn't ready for marriage. No longer than that though and when I say wasn't ready I don't mean just because he wants to party some more. There has to be a better reason than that.
t0xxic t0xxic 9 years
I just want to clarify that I was speaking in terms of the biblical marriage. There were no papers and tax cuts. Marriage was intended to be the union of man and woman (or partner of your choice if thats how u swing) between god. The papers is meaningless. U can be married in Gods eye by taking vows together and not be legally married. I am married and I love it and I wouldnt have it any other way, but some people dont need that piece of paper they just need there bond. I for one do, I like my tax break lol I found nemo!
E-Dubs E-Dubs 9 years
crazylady, I agree with you and think you bring up some good points but I also disagree in some situations. I know most people do work hard for their college degrees (I like to think I did) but I also know plenty who really did pretty much buy their degree and while having it on their resume helps, they can't use it to prove their aptitude when other people are clearly more qualified. A license allows people to drive but it clearly doesn't make them good or prepared drivers, as I'm sure anyone who has driven knows (I live in Boston and as much as I love this city, we have some horrible drivers boppin around the streets). I plan to get married because that is what I think I will want when I'm in that situation but I can understand those who don't feel that it is necessary. Like the degree and a license it doesn't always mean what it should. I really wish it did....but it doesn't always.
cubadog cubadog 9 years
Everyone is clearly going to have very strong opinions about this and there is no right or wrong. To me it is just a piece a paper I have never felt the need to stand up in front of people to show how committed and how much I love someone! To me marriage is very private. As far all the legal people are bringing up you can make the same arrangements as a married couple when it comes to assets and other arrangements.
crazylady crazylady 9 years
I can respect what others have said but I can't stay that I understand some of the views. I struggle when people say that it's just a piece of paper. Is your college degree just a piece of paper? Is you license just a card with a bad photo on it? No, it represents that you have worked hard to get an education and learning the rules of the road. A marriage certificate shows that you have dedicated yourself and your life to a person to grow together from that point onward. I'm so sick of people not taking marriage seriously (with the exception of abuse, etc). Divorce has gotten to be the easy way out instead of staying and actually working on things. Sort of like dropping out of college because you flunked an exam.
JessNess JessNess 9 years
couldnt agree more :rudolph:
Masqueraded_Angel Masqueraded_Angel 9 years
Thank you for the compliment, JessNess. As I said, I respect others' opinions and I don't try to change them at all. What should matter most is what makes you happy. :) :rudolph:
JessNess JessNess 9 years
I want forever but due to the fact so many people do rush into marriage and dont respect the ideas of marriage I feel that it is not always necessary. Im perfectly happy if I find a guy and we are together forever and never get married. I dont think you need marriage to show that you want to be together. Marriage isnt going to keep someone from cheating on you. Its the person themself. Masqueraded Angel- what you say is beautiful and I really respect your idea I just wish everyone thought that way :rudolph:
Masqueraded_Angel Masqueraded_Angel 9 years
I'm sorry, and I respect all of your opinions...but I'm siding with Valeri on this one. I chose to get married to my husband because I wanted to wake up with him every day and know that through thick and thin, he would be there. To me, getting married means taking a vow that says that you will be there FOREVER, and for those that don't feel the need to get married...well, I don't think they want forever.
JessNess JessNess 9 years
tox- are we looking foward to a christmas time baby :rudolph:
t0xxic t0xxic 9 years
Lola thanks for asking but no not yet. Im 33 weeks so not much longer.
lolak lolak 9 years
Toxxic did you give birth yet?
t0xxic t0xxic 9 years
I dont think you have to be married or get married or plan to get married just to give a commitment. The commitment is just saying hey its me and u babe always no one else Marriage imo is between u ur partner and god and imo legal things like marriage and marriage papers thats not what matters in the end what matters is just devoting ur self to one person being happy and whats in ur heart. But I also think that if 2 people are in a committed relationship and have been together for year and are pretty mch married any ways theres no reason if one person wants to actually marry that the other give in esp if they plan on being together anyways. But theres no reason to just leave the person bc they wont sign a paper.
SugarCane SugarCane 9 years
Hmmm...I can honestly say that at various times of my life I would have chosen each one of the answers provided. At this time, I don't believe you have to be married to be happy; however, legally that "piece of paper" can come in very handy! In the event of a death, birth of children, joint purchase of property...etc., you really need that "piece of paper". I have seen havoc rein, when no legal document, legal proof is avialable. Love is great, but after a certain age (and the divorce rate being what it is) you know you will be someone's number 2 or 3! Heaven forbid, you are not married and he dies or takes ill...then what! God forbid, he didn't get a "divorce" and you don't find out until he has died (saw a friend thru this one...Dear Lord), when you are attempting to settle the estate! Right now, I am not dating anyone, so while I would like to get married some day..."just dating" at this time would be fine too. I don't want to raise kids by myself an I'm a "wee bit long in tooth" for that anyway. So a nice man to date, even long term would be great. But married, is always best when children and property are involved. And in closing for those among us who are very regilous and cherish their faith, the blessing of whom (or is it who) so ever you believe in can be a great comfort.
JessNess JessNess 9 years
Im not saying that marriage is just a crap shoot for fun. I think it is something that you should never rush. But I also think that it is not necessary in all relationships. So many people make such a big deal about getting married and their wedding day but not their actual relationship. There are plenty of couples that have been together for years and years and years- live together and everything. Then they get married and it seems to all fall to pieces. I dont think you need a legal paper to tell everyone that this person is who you want to be with. Thats why I like commitment ceremonies. Its the same feel of a wedding but without the paper :rudolph:
lolak lolak 9 years
The way marriages go now in days is pretty much the same thing, one foot is always out the door, but that's just for the ones who want to have it there for the rest of us it's simple, you're either in it or you're not. Why do you think divorce is on a rise? I completely disagree with the theory that you can't be in a committed relationship if you just live together. My boyfriend and I have been together 5 years and lived together for 4, we are now expecting a little baby girl and own two condos under both out names, have joint everything and are (thanks to God) very much in love with each other. I'm the one who refuses to get married but not because I have one foot out the door, I am very much dedicated and devoted to my relationship and getting ready to become a family, I couldn't be happier and more fulfilled if I were to get a piece of paper that makes it official. I'm just terrified that getting married would ruin everything that we already have it's like trying to fix something that is not broken. Why throw a fancy wedding party when you can easily have it all with out running the risk of fighting in court later on if God forbid something goes wrong, personally I could live together for the rest of our lives without getting married.
lickety-split lickety-split 9 years
no, it isn't "just a piece of paper". that's why people get married and make a big deal about it. there is the real commitment that comes with marriage and then there's the pretend/playing house type where you live together. people can be happy in both situations but they aren't the same at all. living together is saying "i have one foot in this relationship but i'm keeping my options open". it's saying "this is great for NOW. until i change my mind." marriage is telling everyone that you have chosen this person above all others FOR LIFE. that's why divorce can be so devastating; it was a life choice. not everyone is capable of making a commitment to one person. ever heard goldies take on men and fidelity "men want to spread their seed and should not be condemned for this". uh huh, thanks for that bit of wisdom.
JessNess JessNess 9 years
Its just a piece of paper. I love seeing couples that have been together for long periods of time without getting married- Goldie Hawn and Kurt Russell
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