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How to Make Friends as an Adult

Group Therapy: Trouble Making Friends as an Adult

This question is from a Group Therapy post in our TrèsSugar Community. Add your advice in the comments!

I'm having a huge problem dating, primarily because I have very, very few friends in town: I don't go out. I recently moved back to my hometown and I only know a handful of people here well enough to see if they want to grab a drink on the weekends. I'm not "allowed" to be friends with my co-workers, to the point where if I give someone a ride/run into them out and about, we keep it hush-hush.

It's not like I sit around and bemoan my situation, I have a cool roommate (male, so when we're out together people assume we're together), It's just I know I'm not getting out enough to even meet anyone, much less keep myself from going crazy on Friday night's after hours of Law and Order.

(On a side note — I feel weird going out alone; 1. I hate the stigma, 2. I don't know any bartenders (to keep me company/keep creepers away), 3. I don't want to run into anyone I know if I'm alone, it would be embarrassing. I could always say my friend ditched me, but . . .)

I guess I can always sit in coffee shops waiting for Mr. Right to notice my totally hipster book and compliment my shoes, but until then . . .

Any ideas on making friends once you're out of college?

Have a dilemma of your own? Post it anonymously to Group Therapy for advice, and check out what else is happening in the TrèsSugar Community.

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Lucky17 Lucky17 5 years
volunteer if you have time. Choose a place that appeals to you and does work that you want to be involved in. Likely similar people will be there. I joined a local public radio station and there are just as many guys working/volunteering there as girls. I already know one couple who met through my station and later got married.
Lucky17 Lucky17 5 years
volunteer if you have time. Choose a place that appeals to you and does work that you want to be involved in. Likely similar people will be there. I joined a local public radio station and there are just as many guys working/volunteering there as girls. I already know one couple who met through my station and later got married.
lezlo lezlo 5 years
I think there are tons of great suggestions on here. I'm in the same boat: living in a new city and all on my own. But I love that! I'm taking this time to really enjoy doing stuff for me on my very own. And trying to learn to appreciate my solitude. I know someday I might not have that anymore. I also moved to this city (Los Angeles) and I already new tons of people living here. But I go out on my own all the time. And I've made some friends by doing the things I like to do. Like I made one very close friend waiting in line at an airport. We ended up sharing a table, lunch, a conversation. And now a friendship. And I joined the local county museum. Got a library card. Found a favorite coffee place. And I frequent those places and I do my own thing and I keep running into other people doing their thing. And you make friends like that. So seek out YOUR interests. DO stuff just for you. And you might find people who share some interests you do. But for heaven's sake, if you are sitting around your house waiting for something to happen then you are just a silly goose.
onlysourcherry onlysourcherry 5 years
I agree with meetup, with the caveat that there will probably be like 10 creepy people in the group and like two or three you will actually get along with. Still, that's two or three more people to hang out with than you have now. I also think it's super weird that your company doesn't let people hang out together. What? Do you work for the C.I.A. or something?
onlysourcherry onlysourcherry 5 years
I agree with meetup, with the caveat that there will probably be like 10 creepy people in the group and like two or three you will actually get along with. Still, that's two or three more people to hang out with than you have now. I also think it's super weird that your company doesn't let people hang out together. What? Do you work for the C.I.A. or something?
bisou002 bisou002 5 years
I made a great group of friends at my gym - women of all different ages and backgrounds! We all go to dinner about once a month and see each other several times a week in our work out classes. I'd have to say, that's the best way I can think of to meet people - take group fitness classes!Joining a church or place of worship might also be a good idea - I could see those places having "newcomer" groups and such.
bisou002 bisou002 5 years
I made a great group of friends at my gym - women of all different ages and backgrounds! We all go to dinner about once a month and see each other several times a week in our work out classes. I'd have to say, that's the best way I can think of to meet people - take group fitness classes! Joining a church or place of worship might also be a good idea - I could see those places having "newcomer" groups and such.
bumrushme bumrushme 5 years
I don't know what city you are in, but you have you tried meetup.com? They have a ton of different groups for different interests (hiking groups, yoga groups, singles groups, networking groups) - or even groups for people like yourself who are trying to make friends in a new city! Good luck :)
Helen-Danger Helen-Danger 5 years
I don't get why your work doesn't allow co workers to be friends. What on earth could that hurt? Many jobs discourage hanky panky, but friendship is usually considered a good thing that helps the teamwork. It also seems like you're looking for romance more than you're looking for friends. You ask about friends but your concerns seem to be about dating. That confuses me. Regarding going out solo, that's actually the best way to meet a guy. If you show up with a huge passel of friends, no normal guy is going to want to approach you in front of all of them. No one cares if you're alone. No one notices...Except maybe a guy who's also on his own and looking to meet someone. But I have to mention that bars are a bad place to look for a cool date. No offense, but the ratio of drunks and players and one night stands is artificially high there. And in a movie theater, you aren't supposed to talk. To find a normal guy, go to normal places where he might be day to day. Go to the mall on your own and keep an eye out for single guys. Check the wedding ring finger first, and if it's naked (with no tan line!) then make a comment about whatever is in front of you two. If he's interested, and (hopefully) available, he'll talk back. Bingo.
Helen-Danger Helen-Danger 5 years
I don't get why your work doesn't allow co workers to be friends. What on earth could that hurt? Many jobs discourage hanky panky, but friendship is usually considered a good thing that helps the teamwork.It also seems like you're looking for romance more than you're looking for friends. You ask about friends but your concerns seem to be about dating. That confuses me.Regarding going out solo, that's actually the best way to meet a guy. If you show up with a huge passel of friends, no normal guy is going to want to approach you in front of all of them. No one cares if you're alone. No one notices...Except maybe a guy who's also on his own and looking to meet someone.But I have to mention that bars are a bad place to look for a cool date. No offense, but the ratio of drunks and players and one night stands is artificially high there. And in a movie theater, you aren't supposed to talk. To find a normal guy, go to normal places where he might be day to day. Go to the mall on your own and keep an eye out for single guys. Check the wedding ring finger first, and if it's naked (with no tan line!) then make a comment about whatever is in front of you two. If he's interested, and (hopefully) available, he'll talk back. Bingo.
dreamalittledream dreamalittledream 5 years
Get involved in outdoor sports and stuff. Join a volleyball league maybe or a cycling club. Take a lesson in something, or even take a continuing ed class in something that interests you, or a cooking class. Just getting out there isn't enough though. I think you'd have to be vocal...like, if you're in a class, offer a study session at your local diner or something. My neighborhood pub also has events like trivia nights, dart nights, etc. Maybe see if any place around you has something similar?
aliciatx aliciatx 5 years
I know exactly how you feel!! Alot of my friends have moved away, live too far, or have settled down & don't go out as much. Try meetup.com it's not a dating site. It's where you can search for groups of ppl that are into the same things you are. You can join for free then meet up with ppl that you have things in common with, even if that's just socializing. Good luck!!
secondstar secondstar 5 years
I have the same problem as you. I basically have one one close friend here, and a handful of old co-workers I see very rarely. All of my other friends are out of town. Recently I signed up for online dating. I was nervous about the stigma, creepers, and bad stereotypes, but it's actually gone pretty well. I'm on okcupid, and there's actually a lot of cool normal guys on it (at least in my area). You do have to weed through the weirdos, but it's definitely worth a try. If you hate it, just delete your profile and you're no worse off than you were before.
secondstar secondstar 5 years
I have the same problem as you. I basically have one one close friend here, and a handful of old co-workers I see very rarely. All of my other friends are out of town. Recently I signed up for online dating. I was nervous about the stigma, creepers, and bad stereotypes, but it's actually gone pretty well. I'm on okcupid, and there's actually a lot of cool normal guys on it (at least in my area). You do have to weed through the weirdos, but it's definitely worth a try. If you hate it, just delete your profile and you're no worse off than you were before.
egyptianmusk egyptianmusk 5 years
It is hard to get to know new people after college. I have the same problems. How about joining a group/club or taking a class (cooking, photography, language, wine tasting etc) in a community center or a college? Do you have any hobbies and activities? Like sports (yoga, tennis, soccer, jogging)? There are running clubs or yoga classes that you might be interested in joining. Volunteering is also a good opportunity to give back and make new friends as well. There are also websites dedicated for single people or just everybody who wants to make new friends in town. They arrange all sorts of activities (movies, dinner, hiking etc) to get people to come and have fun and get to know each other.
egyptianmusk egyptianmusk 5 years
It is hard to get to know new people after college. I have the same problems.How about joining a group/club or taking a class (cooking, photography, language, wine tasting etc) in a community center or a college? Do you have any hobbies and activities? Like sports (yoga, tennis, soccer, jogging)? There are running clubs or yoga classes that you might be interested in joining. Volunteering is also a good opportunity to give back and make new friends as well. There are also websites dedicated for single people or just everybody who wants to make new friends in town. They arrange all sorts of activities (movies, dinner, hiking etc) to get people to come and have fun and get to know each other.
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