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How to Reconnect With Boyfriend

Group Therapy: How Do I Reconnect With My Boyfriend?

This question is from a Group Therapy post in our TrèsSugar Community. Add your advice in the comments!

I know that it must seem like a silly question, but those of you that have been in long relationships know that after a while, you start to lose sense of one another. My boyfriend and I have been together for 2 years. For the past year, things have not been the greatest.

I had a miscarriage and an abortion (because I was having an ectopic pregnancy), and we found out that we both cheated in the very beginning of our relationship. I must say that it is a miracle that we are still together after everything that we went through. After that entire ordeal, I feel as if we are no longer friends, and that I don't know him anymore. I love him, and I want to be with him, so how do I rekindle our relationship, friendship, and romance before everything completely dies?

Whenever we're together, there is a hesitance, as if we're sitting in a car with a complete stranger. We used to not be this way, and I refuse to have this continue. I want my loving and happy relationship back. I want to be best friends with my boyfriend. I want to feel in love again. Obviously we're still together because we think there is hope, so what can I do to help us progress?

Thank you for listening.

Have a dilemma of your own? Post it anonymously to Group Therapy for advice, and check out what else is happening in the TrèsSugar Community.

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sourcherry sourcherry 5 years
I think you should talk to him and explain what you're feeling, in a positive/constructive way. After that analyse what he said, and mostly how he said it. Did he seem excited/hopeful about rekindling the relationship? Or did he just agree with you half-heartedly? I think this is the most important step. If he's not feeling a 100% about the relationship there's no point in trying to fix it. That being said, if he's on board with you, go back to the early dating days. Plan dates, don't just "hang out", make an effort to spark interesting conversations, and make some time for you to miss each other. In the beginning it might seem too "forced", but hopefully you'll begin to feel more comfortable with each other again and have a great time.
sourcherry sourcherry 5 years
I think you should talk to him and explain what you're feeling, in a positive/constructive way. After that analyse what he said, and mostly how he said it. Did he seem excited/hopeful about rekindling the relationship? Or did he just agree with you half-heartedly? I think this is the most important step. If he's not feeling a 100% about the relationship there's no point in trying to fix it.That being said, if he's on board with you, go back to the early dating days. Plan dates, don't just "hang out", make an effort to spark interesting conversations, and make some time for you to miss each other. In the beginning it might seem too "forced", but hopefully you'll begin to feel more comfortable with each other again and have a great time.
searching-soul searching-soul 5 years
I'm not the OP but thank you anonymous "Change the culture of your relationship" so true. Relationships can get stuck in a rut. Also, like my married friend said, you leave one set of problems in a relationship and encounter another set of problems in the next relationship and sometimes those problems are worse. OP if you two really love each other it's worth it to try. Don't fall for the hype and as one poster put it, the "DisneyLand" thinking. Relationships require work, it's not a fairytale but two people bringing their love, past experiences and accompanying issues to the table.
GTCB GTCB 5 years
It does not sound like things are working out. Have you seriously considered moving on? It is a hard thing to do, and no one likes starting over, but maybe it's for the best. You can develop another fun, fulfilling relationship with another guy. We all learn things from our past failed relationships, and you'll be better for it.
dexaholic dexaholic 5 years
If you feel it's worth trying, then don't give up. Why not go back to the beginning of the relationship and start from scratch? Plan dates together, have fun together, join a sports team together, learn a new skill together. Sometimes we get so caught up in the hard stuff that we forget a relationship is supposed to fun and exciting.
PontNeuf PontNeuf 5 years
"Obviously we're still together because we think there is hope, so what can I do to help us progress?" Not necessarily. People often stay together far longer than they should have because moving on is painful. You had some nice memories, but no it's time to start fresh. You'll both be happier for it.
PontNeuf PontNeuf 5 years
"Obviously we're still together because we think there is hope, so what can I do to help us progress?"Not necessarily. People often stay together far longer than they should have because moving on is painful. You had some nice memories, but no it's time to start fresh. You'll both be happier for it.
Vanonymous Vanonymous 5 years
I'm sorry it's been such a hard year for you. I agree with the commenter above, it may be time to let it go. I think there is too much negativity in the relationship, and not necessarily b/c of the people, but b/c of the events that happened. Things will never go back to how they were before because things happened and people change. I think you could both find happiness elsewhere, where there aren't so many bad memories. You can always try to keep in touch and reconnect once you both have healed. If you are adamant on staying together, I would at least try therapy. You've both been through an awful lot.
Trusting1 Trusting1 5 years
Three little words: Let It Go. Oftentimes we allow ourselves to get stunted emotionally with or without a significant other involved. This points more to your ability to let go and enjoy life than to issues about the actual relationship. You are both in a habit of reacting off the others' feelings/mood. Stop that. Time to get active. Get inspired. The rest will sort itself out.
Trusting1 Trusting1 5 years
Three little words: Let It Go.Oftentimes we allow ourselves to get stunted emotionally with or without a significant other involved. This points more to your ability to let go and enjoy life than to issues about the actual relationship. You are both in a habit of reacting off the others' feelings/mood. Stop that. Time to get active. Get inspired. The rest will sort itself out.
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