"I have no complaints about my sex life, but after a few years with my boyfriend, it would be great to spice things up. Problem is, I’m not very creative. Any suggestions that aren’t cheesy or too cliché?"
To see Dr. Glickman's answer,
This is always a tricky question to answer, since I don’t know what you’ve tried before, much less what you’ve enjoyed. So rather than suggesting specific activities, I’m going to offer some ways to come up with your own ideas.
One really great way to find new ideas for sex is by reading erotica. The written word leaves a lot more to the imagination than video porn, partly because it can describe how it feels rather than just showing how it looks. Some books focus on specific themes like quickies, exhibitionism and voyeurism, spanking, or threesomes. Others are more general with a little bit of everything.
Try reading a few stories by yourself and see if anything strikes your fancy. Are there scenes or situations that you find yourself thinking about later? If you get turned on while reading (or later), what gets you over the top during solo play? Another way to use erotica is to highlight what you find intriguing. Ask your boyfriend to do the same in a different color and then compare. If there’s anything you’ve both highlighted, that’s a good place to start. Or you can read some of the stories to each other. Five Minute Erotica and More Five Minute Erotica are full of very short but seriously exciting stories, so they’re great for reading out loud.
It’s also important to remember that you can play with fantasies without actually acting them out all the way. For example, if you or your boyfriend have exhibitionist fantasies, you could talk about them during sex and paint a mental picture of putting on a show without actually doing it. Find out more in The Ultimate Guide to Sexual Fantasy.
If you discover that you’re interested in a new way to have sex, you might want to check and see if there are any books on the topic, or even some DVDs. A little know-how can make it a lot more fun. And even if you think you know plenty about a particular sexual activity, there’s always something new to try.
I’m also a fan of 101 Nights of Grrreat Sex, which is full of sealed instructions that you take turns opening and creating a sexy night for each other. You don’t have to do exactly what they suggest and you can even pick a second one if you don’t like the first one you got.
With all of these options, there’s sure to be something that works for both of you. You may need to try a few before you discover the right one, but don’t get discouraged. It’s kind of like finding a new restaurant; you have to give a few a try before you find the perfect one!