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Awkward! Telling a Former Flame You're No Longer Single

This week my friend came to me for advice. She just received an email out of the blue from a guy she dated and never really ended things with. He said it's been too long and wanted to catch up, so he invited her to get drinks. But since the last time she saw him, she entered into an exclusive relationship. She wants to know: "how do I make sure he knows I have a boyfriend without awkwardly assuming he wants to start something up again?"

I suggested she mention her dilemma to a trusted mutual friend who can make sure the guy has all the facts. Eventually she's going to have to write him back, unless she completely ignores the email. She's down with maintaining a friendship, but it feels wrong to get drinks in a one-on-one situation. So I also suggested she invite him to an event or party where other people will be, instead of going on something that resembles a date. How would you respond in this situation?

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Join The Conversation
jazzytummy jazzytummy 5 years
Just tell him the truth about your boyfriend. How hard is that? Why is everything so much fucking drama?
postmodernsleaze postmodernsleaze 5 years
Maybe this is bitchy, but I'd just ignore it. Were they really good friends to begin with? Maybe that would change it. But if it was just some guy I dated a little and things just naturally tapered off, then I'd just ignore it.
postmodernsleaze postmodernsleaze 5 years
Maybe this is bitchy, but I'd just ignore it. Were they really good friends to begin with? Maybe that would change it. But if it was just some guy I dated a little and things just naturally tapered off, then I'd just ignore it.
Miss-Infamous Miss-Infamous 5 years
I dont see this being awkward at all. Just tell them the truth. There is a reason they are a PAST love. No need to go back
mix-tape mix-tape 5 years
Girl Jen is a wise one! Your friend should definitely just tell him she is seeing someone, even if there is a risk of sounding like she assumed he was romantically interested in her. It doesn't really matter if it comes off that way, in my opinion, because it's the truth!
Girl-Jen Girl-Jen 5 years
This has happened to me before! My response was something like this,"Hey,You're right, we do need to catch up. When are you available? I work Monday through Thursday this week and there's no way I'd miss date night with my boyfriend on Friday, but a bunch of us are going to the bar on Saturday and you're welcome to come. I'm sure the guys would like to see you again too."And then we went to the bar. The End. :)
Girl-Jen Girl-Jen 5 years
This has happened to me before! My response was something like this, "Hey, You're right, we do need to catch up. When are you available? I work Monday through Thursday this week and there's no way I'd miss date night with my boyfriend on Friday, but a bunch of us are going to the bar on Saturday and you're welcome to come. I'm sure the guys would like to see you again too." And then we went to the bar. The End. :)
snarkypants snarkypants 5 years
just say you'd love to, but you're dating somebody else. it's not that hard! if he still wants to go, invite a friend or something.
skigurl skigurl 5 years
I'd probably just say "it probably wouldn't be appropriate since I'm actually in a relationship right now" straight out (as if facebook didn't fix this problem before it started though!) but then end with something cordial saying like "but I look forward to seeing you at x's birthday party" or something like that, and then ask how he is, so you make sure he knows, but you are still friendly to maintain frienship.And I agree, it wouldn't be appropriate to meet with him one on one, for sure. That wouldn't be respectful to her new boyfriend.
skigurl skigurl 5 years
I'd probably just say "it probably wouldn't be appropriate since I'm actually in a relationship right now" straight out (as if facebook didn't fix this problem before it started though!) but then end with something cordial saying like "but I look forward to seeing you at x's birthday party" or something like that, and then ask how he is, so you make sure he knows, but you are still friendly to maintain frienship. And I agree, it wouldn't be appropriate to meet with him one on one, for sure. That wouldn't be respectful to her new boyfriend.
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