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How To Tell Your Partner About Your STD

Dear Sugar
I just met a great guy. We have been spending a lot of time together and I am really starting to fall for him. He treats me like a princess and always make me feel special. We always laugh and so far we are having lots of fun together.

There is something serious on my mind that I want to talk to him about and I am not so sure how to approach this. My ex-boyfriend gave me herpes. I have been on medication for months, but I am still contagious. Since we are still getting to know each other and I am afraid that my news will scare him off. Do you have tips for me when telling him my news? Scared to Tell Terra

To see DEARSUGAR's answer

Dear Scared to Tell Terra
Talking about STDs with your partner isn't very fun but it is very important. Being upfront with your man early on in your relationship will make telling him much easier and establish a trusting bond. The longer you wait, the more awkward your conversation might be.

I suggest telling your man in a place where you both feel comfortable, and not when you are about to be romantic. The way you break the news could affect the way he takes it so try not to be overly dramatic and come prepared with all the facts. Be open with your fear of his reaction and give him as much information as you can.

Try to remember that you are not alone. It has been reported that one in every five Americans is diagnosed with herpes. Although there is no cure for herpes, there is medication that can help prevent future outbreaks and decrease the chances of passing the virus to your partner.

Everyone is different so hopefully your man will accept the news well and appreciate your honesty. Remind him that using condoms will protect him and that there are many couples out there who have a happy and healthy sex life despite one or both partners being infected with an STD. Good luck to you and be safe.

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lindssaurussss lindssaurussss 6 years
tell him at least your being honest with him. that alot more people than he thinks has an STD. i dont have herpes but I did get HPV. told a guy i was seeing. he was ok with it and was happy i was honest with him because he had a girlfriend that had herpes and wasnt going to tell him.
justfriends08 justfriends08 7 years
it looks like no one goes on this site. but i know someone out there might want to know what happend. yeah, it took him a month to ask me out again. I felt crappy all month of course, i even thought that maybe i told him to soon.(i told him on our 5th date) All kinds of things went through my mind. and i missed hanging out with him alot. But...I gave him his space. we bummped in to eachother a couple times, which by the way was very akward. Just "hi, how r you?, nice to see you bye!" is all I said. Then! two days ago today he called, saying he really wanted to see me. When i got there he held me tightly in his arms and kissed me all over my face. sounds corny , i know, but corny can be good. he introduced me to some of his friends at the place, and then we went outside. He asked me some questions about the virus. Like how it works, and how i got it, and since when i had it. which i was way more comfortable to answer this time. I told him that telling him was the hardest thing in the world, and he thanked me for letting him know. Then after alot of talking we made out like middle schoolers haha! Which we arent by the way Im 26 and hes 31. I think the hardest part is over, now lets see where this goes!!!!
justfriends08 justfriends08 7 years
I just told the guy i was seeing that i have herpes... He took it well, he evn tried to ease the mood w humor. He also said thank you for letting him know. I was so nervous i couldnt even smile. I like him alot and i dont want him to go thrugh what ive gone thru, so even though it was the hardest thing to do. i rather him know and make his own decision on it. well, lets see if he calls me again!
nycgirl nycgirl 9 years
HPV is much more prevalent than herpes. I have a couple of friends with that, which was shocking to me (because I was like, 20%?? No way). But yes way. They just don't tell. And the boys who gave my friends herpes "didn't know" or didn't tell. We're not sure which. I'm glad you are making the decision to tell him, it's very honest and brave, and good luck to you!!
honey31 honey31 9 years
I feel the same way as you do sweetc I would not wish it on my worst nightmare or enemy!Did you know if you get cold sore or your boyfriend,hubby or partner gets cold sore and they come in contact with you sexually than they can give it to you or if you get cold sore you can give it to them?Thats y people should avoid oral contact when they have cold sore yuck!
SWEET-C9363 SWEET-C9363 9 years
yea i wouldnt wish herpes on my worst nitemare i hear they are EXTREMLY painful when there is an outbreak
honey31 honey31 9 years
There is a virus thats called H.P.V.(human papillomavirus)anyone can get it and there are no symptoms.I know a friend who had genital warts and her dr.told her she has a higher chance of getting HPV.WOmen and men need to get themselves checked by their doctors yearly.
honey31 honey31 9 years
I know thats so sad!I dont know anyone who has it but I do feel bad for people who do!It must be scary ro haev any type of stds becuase so manty have it but may not realize they have it.Some are not noticeable such as genital warts women sould not know unless they went to get a pap test.Lol thanks for agreesing me me.
Bmoney Bmoney 9 years
I did agree with you....no worries. Sweet your friends wouldn't tell you anyway! Our society puts a huge stigma on herpes.
honey31 honey31 9 years
Sorry I made a mistake my name is honey not sugar Im still have half a sleep lol.
honey31 honey31 9 years
Thanks Bmoney for agreeing with me!
SWEET-C9363 SWEET-C9363 9 years
i know that they say 20 % but i cant believe that. i dont know anyone of my friends who have it.
Bmoney Bmoney 9 years
Nekkidgossip I think she already knows that....That was not the question! I agree with sugar too if the guy really cares he will support you. Twenty Percent of adults in the U.S. have herpes...it's not the Plage People!
nekkidgossip nekkidgossip 9 years
You have to remember you will always be contagioius.
nekkidgossip nekkidgossip 9 years
You need to remember that you will ALWAYS be contagious!!!
t0xxic t0xxic 9 years
Totally agree with sugar and maybe start off by trying to talk to him about that previous relationship and what that guy did to you. Hopefully if he really cares and it wont be a problem. Just because some jerk off gave you something def. does not mean that you dont deserve a relationship -------------------- -------------------- ATTENTION ALL SECRET SANTA LOVERS VISIT THE ONCE UPON A FAB FINDING HOLIDAY SUITE ASAP TO CONFIRM PARTICIPATION!
purplesugar purplesugar 9 years
Oh, this has to be tough... Just make sure you are armed with lots of info so you can answer any questions he has, allow him to react once you tell him, and know that if he can't see you through it then he's not good enough for you and there is someone else out there who is.
honey31 honey31 9 years
If he really likes you than I think he will support you and stick around.
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