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How Young Is Too Young to Marry?

"I'm Worried I'm Marrying Too Young"

This week's confession comes from our anonymous Confession Booth group in the TrèsSugar Community. Weigh in with your advice below.


I'm 20 about to turn 21, my boyfriend is 21. Weve been together for almost three years, we'll be moving in together in a couple months and plan to get married next year. We've never had huge problems, nothing to make us question our compatibility or future together. We are each other's first partners and we're a bit uneducated in the field of love and life experiences. But we're not immature or wild young kids, he's a cop and I'm in nursing school, it's not like we're trying to figure out our lives.

I'm just a little scared because I keep hearing getting married before 30 is too soon, you'll grow apart and all that. I also hear you should date at least seven people before you settle down. I know what I like in a man, I know my boyfriend is great but all this talk is worrisome. I love him and want things to work out, should we wait until we're older?

The only thing that would make me leave him is if he cheated on me, sure sometimes I get annoyed by him but we've never had problems. I think why wait until we're thirty when we're both mature and know who we are? I always hear, well you're different in your twenties, wild and just looking for fun. In your thirties you're an adult, mature. But I think that's how we are now, we're both on the same page. All this talk about divorce makes me scared to get married, but I really want to . . . what are your thoughts on age of marriage, about my situation?

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singlemommy23 singlemommy23 4 years
I married young - I was 21, he was 24.  Now divorced after 15 years.  I don't regret my marriage, but looking back as a 36 year old it's hard to imagine what on earth I was thinking.    I had never lived on my own as an adult and therefore never had time to develop who *I* was as an adult.   I had had boyfriends before, but nothing like this, so I had no idea what to REALLY expect with disagreements and expectations and sharing space with another person like that.  Having a relationship with someone is totally different than living with them 24/7, where you're having to consult someone else for every decision, having to rely on someone else to carry their share of the load... it's hard.     It's totally your decision, but I would really take a step back and think about how this is really going to work and put of marriage for a while.     
testadura67 testadura67 4 years
I agree entirely with bisou002 that it is a very personal decision. You are both very young, but you sound you like both know what you want. So I think what you need to consider is this: What do the two of you want to get out of being married? Each of you individually and as a couple. Are you getting married for religious reasons, or are you thinking of having children soon or purchasing property together? Are you getting married because that's the next natural step after dating and cohabitation? Figure out what you're hoping to get, and see if it's something you can get without marriage for the time being. The only reason I say is because it's a huge commitment, and all those people are right about your twenties being a time of growth and personal discovery. That doesn't mean that's not something the two of you can experience together, but it does mean that the people you are now are not going to be the people you are in 5 years, possibly not even close. Considering marriage is a lifelong commitment, it may not be the worst thing to wait another couple years. If you each do a bit of soul searching and still think you're ready, then do it. No one else is going to be able to know for sure what's right for you and except you.
bisou002 bisou002 4 years
I got married last year, at the age of 27. My husband and I had dated for a year and nine months before getting engaged, and both of us had been in several relationships before we met each other. We both felt, at that point in our lives, ready to be married. This is a very personal decision and everyone is different. One of my best friends married her high school sweetheart - they met in 2001 and got married nine years later (and no, they didn't "take a break" in college to date other people). The two of them are very happy; they were never the types of people that would want to be hitting the singles scene and dating around. They found each other early and have a wonderful relationship. For me, I had a lot of fun in my early twenties, dating around and meeting all kinds of guys. It's from there that you can really figure out the best match for you. So, for me, I'd never dream of marrying the man I was dating when I was 21. Never ever. But that's just my perspective from my own experiences.
awayaway awayaway 4 years
I'm getting married at 25, which is still pretty young. My parents got married at 20 and 21... granted, that was a lot more common back then; but my mom has talked to me about marrying young and getting to do a lot of your "growing up" together. Sure, there's something to be said about marrying after you've already dealt with early career choices, buying a home, choosing a place to put down roots, etc. But there's also something to be said for having a partner and someone in your corner during that time. Sure, I think teenage marriage is crazy, but you're two real adults. I'm confident about my marriage and I'm excited that I'll have him by my side figuring out our twenties!
dashsuede dashsuede 4 years
I think marriage is largely unnecessary. You can wait.
henna-red henna-red 4 years
If your doubts are coming from outside the relationship then turn your attention in. I don't know where all of these "you shoulds" are coming from, but there just isn't some broad, completely correct plan. And if you're really worried, then think about trying some premarital counseling. You're moving in together, so you're facing some of the first challenge of marriage, learning to live together. Premarrital counseling will pose some questions about situations that happen within marriage, and how you would address them. Things you may not be thinking of now. It can be helpful. And it can help you to feel reasured about your doubts. Good luck to you, in your marriage, your education, your life. (and I gotta agree with bubbles, there are a LOT more bad lovers than good out here. the best sex happens with a regular partner you trust, and feel good about being vulnerable with, in my experience :)
Bubbles12 Bubbles12 4 years
Wow, love it! So glad you're asking so we can all say congratulations and hold on to your great thing! Feelings are so intense at that age. People who break up with their first loves often never really get over it and wonder 'what if'. If you search you can read how dangerous is it for first loves to be reunited years later, even if they're in happy marriages. The first love is a powerful bond. If you two are capable and ready, then you're the very lucky few. You are avoiding break-up scars too. People who get older also can get a lot more cynical and even subconsciously vengeful as they move on romantically. As for experimenting sexually there are more bad lovers than good out there in my pretty extensive experience, and there isn't any reason you can't do all those interesting things with the guy you're with. I'm assuming you're satisfied and that's what it's all about. Live the dream baby! :D
chibros chibros 4 years
Your problem is mainly based on what you heard from different source. Don't let that eat you up. Since you are not the type that wants to fuck 100s of guys in your 20s before being committed, so why waiting? Why most people marry late is because they want to have fun or they didn't find the right person on time. If your case is difference, why waiting? If you think he's the one and you are the one for him, and both of you have the same feelings and plans that is moving in the same direction, so why waiting if it is really what you want? Remember whether marriage or relationship, 'sometimes it lasts in love sometimes it hurts instead'. So why worrying yourself about all you heard? Don't let it affect your relationship. The deal-breaker for you is him cheating on you. If he do it in relationship, you break-up, in marriage you divorce. it is all the same things. Focus on how to make your life and relationship better, and how to offer him the better things than he could get from other girls and not worrying about other peoples problem to be yours. Divorce and break-up are more like the same thing just the vocabulary difference. If any happens learn from it and move on but don't just assume a problem now there is non.
SweetBlueRose SweetBlueRose 4 years
Girl you know what you want ! marry the man & be happy for the rest of your life!! im 23 & getting married in july its the best decision i have ever made!! ask yourself this, What would life be like without him,would u be happy if you was not his wife & he your husband ?..
luckyduckyy luckyduckyy 4 years
I think whether you marry him or not, you're still making a commitment to be with him as long as you live together and are in a relationship. Adding marriage to an already "winning" equation is relatively meaningless, whatever your age may be. Young, old, or in-between, it doesn't matter. If you're mentally ready for it, then that's all that matters. However, I suggest you hold off on marriage. Why the rush? Just stay with each other, enjoy each other, and don't feel any pressure to put a label on what you have. Getting married is not the be-all, end-all of a relationship. Furthermore, if marriage is so important to you, I imagine you want it done right. Getting married nowadays is as much about the celebration and togetherness as it is about the vows and commitment. If you wait until you're older, you'll have plenty of time to save up money to have the best wedding celebration ever. And remember: sometimes the best things in life are worth waiting for :)
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