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Husband Doesn't Want to Have Sex After I Had Baby

"After Having a Baby My Husband Doesn't Want to Have Sex"

This question is from a Group Therapy post in our TrèsSugar Community. Add your advice in the comments!

I've been married for seven years, and have a great relationship with my husband. We had a great sex life up until now but since becoming pregnant that has drastically changed. During my pregnancy we were told not to have sex because I had a high risk pregnancy, which I didn't mind because my libido had pretty much died anyway, but since having given birth my libido is back but it seems my husband's isn't. 

Obviously my body hasn't gone back to what it was before (It's been six months since having given birth), but I can sense that he's not attracted to me anymore. We barely have sex and he says it's because of stress (he has a very stressful job). Other aspects of our relationship hasn't changed much though, we still get along very well, and he is still as kind and loving as always, but I don't know . . . different. Up until this point our relationship was very passionate but now it seems that the passion is pretty much gone. I don't know what to do anymore. How do I get him back?

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missmaryb missmaryb 4 years
The combination of having a new baby in the house with just ending a high risk pregnancy can be very stressful on a marriage. I remember when I brought my firstborn home, our lives were turned completely upside down. Our sex life definitely suffered as a result. We never quite got it back on track before our divorce. I wish we had talked more about it and been honest with each other about what we needed, what was wrong, etc. I think some couples counseling would have helped as well. I would advise you to keep communicating. He may be able to give you some ideas to help get things back on track. Good luck.
henna-red henna-red 4 years
i agree with opening a dialog. You haven't had sex with your husband in a year and a half. It's not about putting pressure on him, remember, sex can be a great stress buster. But if he's dealing with a stressful job, and lack of sleep from new baby, and new identity, well that's a lot to deal with. However, your marriage is important, and the sex is an important part of your relationship. This isn't something that's going to resolve itself. And it may take a new, gentle, tender, exploratory date to re establish. I would recomend, after starting that dialog with your husband, that you guys plan a romantic date, with a babysitter, someone you trust, maybe from your family, so that you can really focus on each other. And this is important, taking the time to focus on your relationship. Making time, not finding time, because your marriage is the foundation of everything else that happens in your relationship, and sex is a big part of that. best of luck, and blessed be
BiWife BiWife 4 years
I totally agree with most of the posters. It's likely that he's still totally attracted to you, but is stressed out and exhausted and still dealing with the emotional changes in the house with having a newborn. Stress will kill a libido *so* fast, as will fear/worry. He may be dealing with a lot of additional self-imposed worry about providing for the family, being a good father, adjusting his self-identity. The responsibilities that come with parenthood can be very difficult for some people to come to terms with. The best thing you can do is talk to him. Ask him about how he's feeling about being a dad, about his job, about your relationship, etc. Don't be a nag about it, but open a dialogue.
subliminalseduction subliminalseduction 4 years
I agree with Raynne. My buddy had a spectacular relationship with his wife but he came to me after they had a baby to talk about it. He told me it felt weird, not sex, but that she was someone's mother now, that he didn't feel right about all the weird, dirty stuff they used to do, because he put her on a pedestal as the mother of his child. It took him a awhile and before you know it he was tying her up on the ceiling again. Sometimes guys have trouble reconciling it. Try rubbing his shoulders, wearing sexy lingerie, buy a pair of badassed high heels that you would have worn before and wear only those. Also, if you're feeling self-conscious about your post-baby body, don't be. I know a lot of guys who tell me they'd rather have a fat chick with confidence in bed than a super hot one who dedicates more time hiding her flaws than actual coitus. Believe it or not, they do pick up on that stuff. Shocking, I know.
Raynne413 Raynne413 4 years
Many men have problems when they have to now view their wives as mothers.
chibros chibros 4 years
Men are into looks, views. Don't discuss the topic with him for now. To naturally get him back, take some time to get back in track as at before pregnancy. You should have known what he likes, what turns him on and go for them, that is lingerie, sexy night wears and more important focus on how to make him feel less stressed after a hard day.
MrsShort MrsShort 4 years
From what you say I dont think its that hes not attracted to you anymore. But you have to remind yourself he has a stressful job, you have a newborn child in the house, and he is probably still a little uneasy about a high risk pregnancy only 6 months earlier. If anything you need to talk to him, if nothing else has changed then talking about it should be the easiest thing, you need to communicate and ask him whats going on. If you dont feel the same about your body then ask him if you guys can work out or go on walks together. In the end I doubt hes not attracted to you, but some men do take some time getting over just seeing a human being come out of you....my cousins husband took a year to get over what he saw come out of her lol.
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