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Husband's Ex Emails Him

Group Therapy: Should I Delete His Emails From His Ex?

This question is from a Group Therapy post in our TrèsSugar Community. Add your advice in the comments!

Hello everyone. My husband was a divorcé when I met him, a year and a half after we got married. Now, we've been married for three months, and he was talking to his son from his ex wife and told him he has another wife now, and he'll be happy to introduce her to him, and everything will be alright . . . two days later, his ex called him and asked if that is true, and he said yes, she cried and told him she still loves him. He said there's no need for this talk and he's happy and the only thing that connect them is the boy.

From that moment on, she never stopped calling and I can open his phone any time to see like 25 missed calls a day. I noticed he put her on the reject list. When we open his email to send emails for clients, her emails and pleadings is like all over the page. He deleted them and chooses the "forever" option even without reading. Yesterday he called me while he was out and asked me to send a price offer for a significant client. I found a message from her asking him to travel to her or she would come or he'll never see his son again if he didn't divorce the "b*tch" he married.

I am so afraid and I love him so much. I abandoned everything to be with him, my brain tells me I should delete every sign from her so he doesn't leave me, but the other part of it tells me I should give him the option and watch him choose me with his will.

Have a dilemma of your own? Post it anonymously to Group Therapy for advice, and check out what else is happening in the TrèsSugar Community.

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dark-chocola dark-chocola 4 years
Cup cake: his son is hardly 4 years old
dark-chocola dark-chocola 4 years
Ladies, for the fact that i didn't meet his child, the reason is that his child lives with his mother in another country and they haven't been here for 3 years, which caused troubles between them (my husband and his ex), which led to divorce..that may answer your questions about meeting the child.Thank you ladies for your help, I'll give up the idea of deleting his emails...
dark-chocola dark-chocola 4 years
Ladies, for the fact that i didn't meet his child, the reason is that his child lives with his mother in another country and they haven't been here for 3 years, which caused troubles between them (my husband and his ex), which led to divorce..that may answer your questions about meeting the child. Thank you ladies for your help, I'll give up the idea of deleting his emails...
aidensmommy aidensmommy 4 years
I have to agree with Sweet Melissa, how is it possible that you been with him for so long and you have never meet his child. I'm a single mom and when my ex got married to his new wife, I had know her for months before she meet my child and then he waited to marry her until he was sure our son got along with her and she would be a good fit. With that said I don't believe the ex wife in this story is acting like a mother or a women by emailing and calling so frequently she obviously needs to accept the situation and move on for her child. But the husband is also at fault for not telling his ex and child with months in advance that there was a new women in his wife, and he should have been man enough to tell his ex when he decided to marry you. I would wonder what your husband is hiding not sharing the fact he married or that he didn't even bother to introduce you to his son. This all situation is just breeding distrust on all front
Sweet-Melissa-111 Sweet-Melissa-111 4 years
Seriously? You guys have been together how long? He married you without ever introducing you to his son, or even telling his son about you? I doubt the legitimacy of this post.
ChrissyLee ChrissyLee 4 years
You have to save these messages and get a lawyer! She is getting desperate and people in those situations are unpredictable. She is harassing him and can be held responsible for those actions. As for being afraid that he's going to leave you, you need to allow him to make decisions about his own life, and he very clearly is choosing you. You two are married and he has not given you any reason to think that he would go back to her. You have to trust him because it looks like this situation is only going to get worse and you two need to stand together as one secure unit. Good luck, I really hope this doesn't affect the child.
ChrissyLee ChrissyLee 4 years
You have to save these messages and get a lawyer! She is getting desperate and people in those situations are unpredictable. She is harassing him and can be held responsible for those actions. As for being afraid that he's going to leave you, you need to allow him to make decisions about his own life, and he very clearly is choosing you. You two are married and he has not given you any reason to think that he would go back to her. You have to trust him because it looks like this situation is only going to get worse and you two need to stand together as one secure unit. Good luck, I really hope this doesn't affect the child.
dvdsky81 dvdsky81 4 years
I think I know why he divorced hershe's f@*king crazy! Stop deleting the emails. Seriously. Talk to your husband and see how he feels about having sole custody of the child(if you'd be up for it, of courrse) and beat her to the punch with any sort of custody legal battle. The constant harrassing and threatening calls and emails will be your ticket to a good defense. Seriously. Use them wisely. Stop deleting. I understand she is hurt and is desperately trying to get someone to listen to her, it seems, but enough is enough. Deal with the reality. It sucks, but she needs to try to move on.Withholding his kid will only make it worse. She sounds way worse than just heartbroken. Id really hate to see the guilt trips that child would have to endure through life when kid doesnt make her it's world. Jesus.
kurniakasih kurniakasih 4 years
Betty and Cupcake got it right. If I were you, I would definitely KEEP that e-mail, for any possible ensuing custody battle, and keep all the crazy e-mails she's sent him. Have a frank talk about it to him as well.It just sounds like that you guys are possibly in different countries, is this right? But regardless, keep all the communication she sent, put them in special folder, it's all 'just in case.' Things can get uglier, but at least, you'll have proof, who's the nutter.
kurniakasih kurniakasih 4 years
Betty and Cupcake got it right. If I were you, I would definitely KEEP that e-mail, for any possible ensuing custody battle, and keep all the crazy e-mails she's sent him. Have a frank talk about it to him as well. It just sounds like that you guys are possibly in different countries, is this right? But regardless, keep all the communication she sent, put them in special folder, it's all 'just in case.' Things can get uglier, but at least, you'll have proof, who's the nutter.
dahliadreamer dahliadreamer 4 years
This happened to a friend of mine who dated a guy with an ex wife and two kids. The woman was a TOTAL nutcase! He stayed at his ex wife's house every so often to babysit kids, which took out time from my friend seeing him. She eventually broke it off with him when he wouldn't deal with his ex wife calling my friend's private cell phone and leaving bad messages and texts and just, really being bitchy abvout everything. She had an abortion with this guy too, which I know broke her heart, but she's much happier now. Be glad your guy is actually doing what he needs to do to move on from her. Trust your man, and let him do his thing, because he's doing it right. Trust, trust, trust.
dahliadreamer dahliadreamer 4 years
This happened to a friend of mine who dated a guy with an ex wife and two kids. The woman was a TOTAL nutcase! He stayed at his ex wife's house every so often to babysit kids, which took out time from my friend seeing him. She eventually broke it off with him when he wouldn't deal with his ex wife calling my friend's private cell phone and leaving bad messages and texts and just, really being bitchy abvout everything. She had an abortion with this guy too, which I know broke her heart, but she's much happier now. Be glad your guy is actually doing what he needs to do to move on from her. Trust your man, and let him do his thing, because he's doing it right. Trust, trust, trust.
CupCakeDilemma CupCakeDilemma 4 years
What a nutty situation. And this never came up in the 1 1/2 years you were together? I hope he was well worth it if it did come up before then - if not, what a nightmare to live with! But it sounds like he's doing everything possible to reduce his contact with her. I take it their son is still under 18? If not, contact should go directly between son and father. But if so...If she's going to start issuing threats and ultimatums, he needs to collect them. What's the current child custody situation like? If she continues to issue threats or claims she's going to withhold access to the child, he simply needs to reopen the custody case and present all of the evidence. In severe cases, they will sometimes alter the child custody arrangement if a parent is proving unruly in dealing with the custody arrangement.Life is too short to deal with this nonsense. He needs to call her and speak frankly: "Linda, I understand this is upsetting to you but I am happily married and that's the way it's going to be. I love my son a great deal and I would still like to see him. If you threaten to keep my child from me again, we will be back in court for our custody arrangement. Please stop calling, e-mailing, texting, or contacting me in any other way unless it relates directly and only to our son. Thank you." He can also write this in a letter and get it notarized. Send her the letter and keep a copy for his records. Speak to a lawyer, too, if she's going to continue stalking him like this.Don't delete the e-mails. Why would he want to go back to a nutter like her? She's old news!
CupCakeDilemma CupCakeDilemma 4 years
What a nutty situation. And this never came up in the 1 1/2 years you were together? I hope he was well worth it if it did come up before then - if not, what a nightmare to live with! But it sounds like he's doing everything possible to reduce his contact with her. I take it their son is still under 18? If not, contact should go directly between son and father. But if so... If she's going to start issuing threats and ultimatums, he needs to collect them. What's the current child custody situation like? If she continues to issue threats or claims she's going to withhold access to the child, he simply needs to reopen the custody case and present all of the evidence. In severe cases, they will sometimes alter the child custody arrangement if a parent is proving unruly in dealing with the custody arrangement. Life is too short to deal with this nonsense. He needs to call her and speak frankly: "Linda, I understand this is upsetting to you but I am happily married and that's the way it's going to be. I love my son a great deal and I would still like to see him. If you threaten to keep my child from me again, we will be back in court for our custody arrangement. Please stop calling, e-mailing, texting, or contacting me in any other way unless it relates directly and only to our son. Thank you." He can also write this in a letter and get it notarized. Send her the letter and keep a copy for his records. Speak to a lawyer, too, if she's going to continue stalking him like this. Don't delete the e-mails. Why would he want to go back to a nutter like her? She's old news!
Bettye-Wayne Bettye-Wayne 4 years
Honestly, I don't think either one of you should be deleting them. Sounds like he may be in for one HELL of a custody battle. Those emails could end up being very valuable in court. Explain your fears. Since you have free access to his email, tell him you opened one and what you saw. He should get a lawyer and forward her emails to this lawyer without reading them.You've been with him a year and a half, and never met his son? I mean, you two have been married for three months and he JUST told his son about you? Not sure what to make of that, but it's weird. Sounds like either she's a total psycho bitch, or he's not a good father. Maybe both.
Bettye-Wayne Bettye-Wayne 4 years
Honestly, I don't think either one of you should be deleting them. Sounds like he may be in for one HELL of a custody battle. Those emails could end up being very valuable in court. Explain your fears. Since you have free access to his email, tell him you opened one and what you saw. He should get a lawyer and forward her emails to this lawyer without reading them. You've been with him a year and a half, and never met his son? I mean, you two have been married for three months and he JUST told his son about you? Not sure what to make of that, but it's weird. Sounds like either she's a total psycho bitch, or he's not a good father. Maybe both.
Raynne413 Raynne413 4 years
I think you can be confident in the fact that he doesn't want to be with her, he wants to be with you. However, the emails are his property, and I would never advise deleting HIS emails without his knowledge.
Littlej1991 Littlej1991 4 years
it sounds as though he wants nothing to do with her! if he wanted to be with her he would be, he isnt even taking her phone calls though which says something.i dont know, i would hate to be in that situation, but your man sounds like he hasnt done anything for you not to trust him so i wouldnt worry to much.a friend of mine once had this problem and she confronted the ex herself and asked her to respect her relationship with her boy and i know that helped her out a lot. all your man has to do is say the same thing and assuming she would be embarassed and hopefully back of a bit?
Littlej1991 Littlej1991 4 years
it sounds as though he wants nothing to do with her! if he wanted to be with her he would be, he isnt even taking her phone calls though which says something. i dont know, i would hate to be in that situation, but your man sounds like he hasnt done anything for you not to trust him so i wouldnt worry to much. a friend of mine once had this problem and she confronted the ex herself and asked her to respect her relationship with her boy and i know that helped her out a lot. all your man has to do is say the same thing and assuming she would be embarassed and hopefully back of a bit?
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