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I Am Not Attracted to My Boyfriend

Sunday Confessional: I Am Not Attracted to My Boyfriend

This week's confession comes from our anonymous Confession Booth group in the TrèsSugar Community. Weigh in with your advice below.

I've been best friends with a guy who is in love with me for over a year. He knows me better than anyone, loves me despite my odd antisocial nature, and tries to help me be a better me. The only thing missing for me is a physical attraction. He is overweight and not physically my type at all. Recently, he asked me to "take a huge risk" with him and try dating. Really nothing has changed in our relationship except that he does more things for me and buys me things.

We have still never kissed. I do not feel inclined to do that, or anything else physical with him. Aside from that, he is the perfect boyfriend. Sometimes it doesn't bother me that I am not attracted to him, but sometimes it does. How do I get past the lack of attraction, or can I? Is this worth moving on, despite the fact that I worry I'll never find someone who loves me as much and that I can be as honest and open with? Or do I just need to resign myself to the idea of having a relationship without chemistry?

There's lots of great stuff going on in our community — join it, check it out, share your posts or advice in the great groups, and maybe we'll feature it here on TrèsSugar!

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CiaoBella01 CiaoBella01 5 years
my last boyfriend, i was in love with him, but i never wanted to jump his bones. that eventually led to us breaking up because i just had no physical attraction to him and was constantly making excuses not to have sex. we were together for as long as we were because i was comfortable and he made me happy, but that wasn't enough for us to last. although i'm still a little heartbroken that we're done, it's for the best. don't settle for someone like that. if you truly love someone, you would always want to jump him. if not, wait for the one who makes you go crazy =)
CiaoBella01 CiaoBella01 5 years
my last boyfriend, i was in love with him, but i never wanted to jump his bones. that eventually led to us breaking up because i just had no physical attraction to him and was constantly making excuses not to have sex. we were together for as long as we were because i was comfortable and he made me happy, but that wasn't enough for us to last. although i'm still a little heartbroken that we're done, it's for the best. don't settle for someone like that. if you truly love someone, you would always want to jump him. if not, wait for the one who makes you go crazy =)
genesisrocks genesisrocks 5 years
I really don't agree where you say you'll never find someone who loves you as much. Of course you will, and you will be attracted to this person too.
dfserine dfserine 5 years
That's really not fair to yourself or to him because you are depriving yourselves of true intimacy... you cannot have fulfilling love without it.
dikke-kus dikke-kus 5 years
I think a lot of people have found themselves in this situation. But agree with most posts above - the longer it takes you to realize that you can't reciprocate his feelings the worse its going to hurt him. Even though its hard you need to let him know becuase like above posts said you might even end your friendship if you keep dragging this on. I know it seems cruel to have to tell him but at the same time its far worse to not say anything. You never know he might take it better than you think but anyway just becuase your introverted doesn't mean you need to make assumptions about relationships. Physical attraction should be there in some form or it just won't work unfortunately.
foxie foxie 5 years
How old is this person? Good lord...
lickety-split lickety-split 5 years
The male/female partnership needs to have that sexual something that makes it unique from all other relationships in order to survive. If you don't feel the desire to rip his clothes off, every chance you get (at the beginning): game over.
HollyJRockNRoll HollyJRockNRoll 5 years
Just break up with him. I don't even understand why you took it there in the first place. As someone already said you will hurt him more by continuing this. Also, maybe you need to not hang with him as much since its already clear he's in love with you. Trust me, if he's made his feelings known, he has his mind set on making you interested and the more attention you give him the worse the situation will get.
GTCB GTCB 5 years
Oh Lordy. High Schools the world over are full of females like you. Just "dump" him and stop leading him on. He's very inexperienced and insecure, and guys like this need to know what happens in the real world.
juicebox07 juicebox07 5 years
I was in the same situation a long time ago. We were good friends, and we tried dating because I knew how much he liked me. I had no physical attraction to him whatsoever. I ended up dragging it out for 6 months, and we never kissed or anything either. It hurt him when I finally told him how I felt. I know it sounds lame and immature of me, but I was a freshman in high school. I learned my lesson though. You can't try to force yourself to be attracted to someone. If the connection isn't there, it probably never will be. It's better to break the news to him right away.
kurniakasih kurniakasih 5 years
I agree with the others. You can't force this attraction on him. You need to gently let him down as soon as possible or end up really hurting him to the point he won't even be there as a friend. Good luck.
postmodernsleaze postmodernsleaze 5 years
You should tell him as soon as possible or you're going to really end up hurting this guy-- don't lead him on. Try not to feel bad because we're attracted to who we're attracted and you can't force it. Just let him know that you love his friendship, but you don't feel like you can be more than friends. And the sooner the better! Best of luck.
French-Kiss French-Kiss 5 years
I agree mostly with the last Anonymous. Unfortunately you can't force your attraction, so if it doesn't work it means that you shouldn't date him. Love is not about "listing how perfect he is, then i date him and am happy" (however, often we wish it was ! ^^) it's about feelings, and if you love him like a friend, and admire who he is and what he makes for you, that doesn't mean that as a boyfriend he'll be the one. Think about life, long relationship, can you handle years passing by without many kisses, without physical love ? Love, and relations aren't not ONLY about what's physical, however, to me, love is not only about personnality, because if you're not attracted, then it means you date someone but deny a part of him. Our body, smells etc are part of us, you need to find someone that has the lot, and he also deserves it too. To want something physical from your BG is not something bad, it's not being superficial or whatsoever. It's life to want someone to love for what's inside and at least a little outside. The risk, to me, here is to think you love him entirely, but eventually get attracted by someone else, and be really dangerously attracted by "cheating moments", because (if you're not assexual for eample), you'll need phisical love too, like everyone.
GregS GregS 5 years
We're attracted to the persons we are. There's nothing you can do to change that. This person doesn't fit that mold. Keep him as a good friend. They are hard to find and keep.
awesomical awesomical 5 years
Well it seems to me that maybe you guys should stick to bein friends. That sounds like all you can handle. Because basically what you listed about him sounds like a best friend. Hope you figure out your feelings!
Bettye-Wayne Bettye-Wayne 5 years
You can't force it. The sooner you tell him how you feel, the less hurt there will be and the better the chance will be that you can leave your friendship undamaged.
sahieszhya sahieszhya 5 years
You can tell he is a beautiful person, but he does sound insecure, It seems to me he's afraid of losing you, really sounds like he loves you. But do you feel that way towards him? Hun, physical beauty is a myth, depends on what you think is beautiful. He may not match the criteria on your attractive list, but you know who he is. If you cant see yourself being with him, or loving him. Dont take the relationship anywhere, it will destroy your friendship. No chemistry, no relationship. Don't settle hun. Best of luck xxx
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