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I Can't Read His Mixed Signals

Group Therapy: I Can't Read His Mixed Signals

This question is from Group Therapy in our TrèsSugar Community. Add your advice in the comments!

I've known this guy for about 2 years . . . we've been acquaintances. I wasn't single until a few months ago. He and I got closer and hit it off . . . as friends (or so I thought). We would talk every day, hang out, and have fun. I liked him and I wanted to see where it would go. Well last week we kissed. It was a great kiss, but it caught me off guard. He has never told me he is interested and neither of us has ever brought it up. Well the day after the kissing, he called me like normal. We talked about random stuff and then he asked me to hang out the next day.

The way he treated me was different. But not in the way I would have expected. I figured he'd be more flirty, maybe more kissing, more action. But he was very formal. He also seemed very nice, but almost like in a caring way. I just cannot figure out whether this guy is into me or not. I rationalize that he must like me on some level because he initiated the kiss and he continued talked to me afterward. But he hasn't tried to kiss me since! He did tell me he moves very slowly and that he isn't into flings. But he told me this as part of a general talk we had the other night, not directly in terms of he and I.

Ideally, I'd like to bring this up somehow. But I don't want to be that annoying, drama girl asking what our deal is so early on in the . . .whatever this is. Anyone have any thoughts or suggestions?

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LittleMzFit LittleMzFit 6 years
It sounds like he's not sure...or something else is holding him back. Try to be patient, if you like him. Of course, this cannot go on forever...so, let's hope he gets his act together. :)
stephiexd stephiexd 6 years
I know exactly how u are feeling right now. ideally, i think this guy wants to take it slow.. with you.. he is probably just scared to move faster, becos he isnt sure what YOU are feeling. guys are clueless, they really dont know what we are thinking, just like we dont know what they are thinking. he is scared of rejection.. you guys shared that kiss, and for now, i say just let it flow.. he is probably wanting to get to know you better ... but ur definitely not just some random chick he decided to kiss.DONT ask about "what are we", i did that once and things jus got awkward from then on. so, for now, just go with the flow girl. dont put too much hope into this.. and remember not to fall so deeply so fast.. goodluck!
stephiexd stephiexd 6 years
I know exactly how u are feeling right now. ideally, i think this guy wants to take it slow.. with you.. he is probably just scared to move faster, becos he isnt sure what YOU are feeling. guys are clueless, they really dont know what we are thinking, just like we dont know what they are thinking. he is scared of rejection.. you guys shared that kiss, and for now, i say just let it flow.. he is probably wanting to get to know you better ... but ur definitely not just some random chick he decided to kiss. DONT ask about "what are we", i did that once and things jus got awkward from then on. so, for now, just go with the flow girl. dont put too much hope into this.. and remember not to fall so deeply so fast.. goodluck!
crazylovevbug crazylovevbug 6 years
i agree with jazzytummy. two years?! that's a long time for nothing to happen, even as friends. if you really like him, ask him about the kiss, you have a right to know if he is interested.
littlewyng littlewyng 6 years
I agree with both sundown and jess. You may have known each other for 2 years, but you've only been single for a few months. Just take it slow, hang out a few times as friends, see what it turns into after a few weeks or months. There's really no rush, right? If he initiated the kiss, there must be something there. His calling you the next day and acting polite (formal, even) may have thrown you off, but it could just be his way of showing his respect for you. And even though you had a conversation about relationships that didn't pertain to you two specifically, his mentioning that he liked to take it slow could have been a hint to you.I think the gist is, don't sweat it- just go with the flow. And good luck. =}
littlewyng littlewyng 6 years
I agree with both sundown and jess. You may have known each other for 2 years, but you've only been single for a few months. Just take it slow, hang out a few times as friends, see what it turns into after a few weeks or months. There's really no rush, right? If he initiated the kiss, there must be something there. His calling you the next day and acting polite (formal, even) may have thrown you off, but it could just be his way of showing his respect for you. And even though you had a conversation about relationships that didn't pertain to you two specifically, his mentioning that he liked to take it slow could have been a hint to you. I think the gist is, don't sweat it- just go with the flow. And good luck. =}
jazzytummy jazzytummy 6 years
It's been 2 years....that seems a bit more than taking it slow.Although in theory there may be guys out there that "don't want to ruin the friendship", cynic that I am, I think they are few and far between.If this guy really wanted to date you, it would have happened by now. I think he doesn't know what he wants, and you will drive yourself crazy trying to read his mind.I personally would let it go and continue to be friends. If he wants to date you, he will do it, if not, you will still have your friendship. I myself like men to take the initiative with these things. He obviously knows you care about him, so if he doesn't ask you out, he either doesn't want a romantic relationship with you or something else is going on with him (timid, no self-confidence, whatever). Neither is particularly appealing to me.
jazzytummy jazzytummy 6 years
It's been 2 years....that seems a bit more than taking it slow. Although in theory there may be guys out there that "don't want to ruin the friendship", cynic that I am, I think they are few and far between. If this guy really wanted to date you, it would have happened by now. I think he doesn't know what he wants, and you will drive yourself crazy trying to read his mind. I personally would let it go and continue to be friends. If he wants to date you, he will do it, if not, you will still have your friendship. I myself like men to take the initiative with these things. He obviously knows you care about him, so if he doesn't ask you out, he either doesn't want a romantic relationship with you or something else is going on with him (timid, no self-confidence, whatever). Neither is particularly appealing to me.
jessr1214 jessr1214 6 years
I agree with sundown...i think he is treating you nicely and very respectfully. if he wasnt into you he wouldnt have called you the day after and initiated hanging out again! i think we girls are so used to guys trying to get in our pants right away that when someone doesnt its almost hard not to take it personally...you could ask him out if you want but i wouldnt have a 'where do we stand' talk yet, it sounds like things are going well and i wouldnt worry too much about it, just relax and enjoy hanging out with him!
Sundown321 Sundown321 6 years
I disagree with both of the other comments. He told you he moves very slow, I think you need to remind yourself of that. Since he was a friend first, he probably values your friendship and wants to take it slow and make sure you don't jump into anything that could ruin the friendship. The fact that he has hung out with you often and calls all the time is a great sign! Let it progress at his pace.
kurniakasih kurniakasih 6 years
Or you can wait for him to ask you out on a date too.My advice: Don't be afraid to ASK HIM why he kissed you the next time you guys hang out and if you enjoyed the kiss, tell him that you thought the kiss was very nice/enjoyable/etc.Why guess around when the guy is right there and will be hanging out with you very soon anyway. :)Good luck.
kurniakasih kurniakasih 6 years
Or you can wait for him to ask you out on a date too. My advice: Don't be afraid to ASK HIM why he kissed you the next time you guys hang out and if you enjoyed the kiss, tell him that you thought the kiss was very nice/enjoyable/etc. Why guess around when the guy is right there and will be hanging out with you very soon anyway. :) Good luck.
mildlydelusioned mildlydelusioned 6 years
Don't be afraid to ask him out on a date. As a guy, I can tell you it's not something we frown upon.
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